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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Am I being unreasonable to take my baby out...?

74 replies

GiveMeVegemite · 14/03/2013 14:25

I genuinely would like some opinions as my husband and I have had a massive fight about this.

My DH works from home 3 days a week, usually Tuesday, Thursday and Friday. On these days he has said he doesn't want me to take our son out as he wants to spend time with him at home. Fine in principal, but our son is almost 10 months old and loves going to baby groups and getting out of the house.

I said I would like to take him out at least one of those days and said I don't mind if he spends say Tuesday and Thursday at home all day. it would only be for a few of hours so that we could go for a walk or go see some friends, not all day.

Who do you think is being unreasonable?

OP posts:

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 15:55

I just spotted your NN. If you are Ossie in the UK or vice versa, that is the best time to make friends and get out in your community if you are quite new. I'm living overseas and I made two great friends in groups while DD was tiny.

MrsTerryPratchett · 14/03/2013 15:56

Duh, Ozzie.

MorningHandsome · 14/03/2013 17:17

How bizarre!

Baby has to come first and im sure baby would prefer to be outside/seeing new faces rather than watching his father work!
I wouldn't even consider doing this, he needs to get a grip.

MorningHandsome · 14/03/2013 17:19

Just tell him to piss off no.

fryingpantoface · 14/03/2013 17:23

He is being unreasonable and more than a little selfish

Pandemoniaa · 14/03/2013 17:39

...and only expects me to go out on those days.

He can expect all he wants. What he can't expect you to do is take any notice of his expectations.

LittleBearPad · 14/03/2013 18:16

How very selfish of your DH. For one thing he should be working when he's at home, I bet his boss wouldn't be happy with his attitude.

Plus why can't he organise his working life more in advance than the preceding Friday?

Finally if he wants to spend time with his child (and I hope you too) why can't he plan his day so you maybe can have lunch together (depending on your own plans too) rather than him expecting you and your DS to be there whenever he wants.

Very selfish.

MajaBiene · 14/03/2013 18:20

That is ridiculous!

He really expects you to hang around all day, keeping your DS entertained (and presumably quiet) so that he can play with him when work's quiet?

Sounds like he wants a pet, not a family.

waterrat · 14/03/2013 18:38

Hmm I think there is a lot more to this op he is really controlling you - stopping you getting out, meeting people and enjoying life with your baby - he doesn't want you to have a good time or make friends I think you need proper help dealing with him

waterrat · 14/03/2013 18:42

I can't imagine a situation where I only left the house once or twice a week because my partner demanded I stay indoors - I have an 11 month old and we have to be out for at least half the day or we would both be so bored.

I don't think you should show him this thread because a controlling man knows he is being unkind he just doesn't care

Read a book called Why Does He Do That - about controlling men

MadeinMarch · 14/03/2013 18:50

Agree with waterrat

FierceBadIggi · 14/03/2013 18:56

How is he in other areas of your life - does he have anything to say if you go out without him in the evening for example? What do you do at weekends?
Just trying to see if he is as controlling as he sounds . I feel for your wee one, as well as you, not even having the excitement of a trip to the shops most days!

DontmindifIdo · 14/03/2013 19:01

this does sound very controlling and unreasonable. Does he not get that he's saying you are only allowed out twice a week maximum?

Tell him you are going out because you want to. If he doesn't want you to, tough, he's working, you are the one doing the childcare and therefore deciding what DS does. It's not his choice. So just tell him to suck it up and do some work.

MerylStrop · 14/03/2013 19:07

Stop being so bloody compliant OP, it's not in your own best interests or that of your son.

You need to go out and spend time with other people, as increasingly, will your little boy. Tell your DH that you will be back by 4pm, he can have time with your son then. Your son is a person not an executive toy.

UC · 14/03/2013 19:10

So 3 days out of 5 your DH wants you and DS to stay home all day because he is "working from home". Really??? REALLY???? He is being totally unreasonable. And very controlling..... I would have BIG issues with this. And also with the fact that you say if you say anything it will cause a fight. Do you always have to do what he says? What happens if you don't?

Is he like this about other things?

You say you only know his schedule a week in advance? So does that mean you are not supposed to make any arrangements for the following week just in case he is working from home? He is isolating you. And your DS. This is totally unreasonable.

There are red flags all over this for me.

AmandaLF · 14/03/2013 19:16

YANBU. my husband works away for a few weeks at a time and when he's home I still take him to his baby groups (my husband doesn't like them). I know its not the same but he wouldn't want him not going and the groups only last an hour or two anyway!

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 14/03/2013 19:39

HIBU

My husband's work is sporadic, but I still take 6 month DS to our regular baby groups when he is home. It is good for babies to interact with each other and both of us are climbing the walls stuck at home all day.

Your husband is being even more unreasonable by the fact that he is meant robe working! You could compromise by him having a designated lunch hour that you are home for, but placing you and DS under house arrest is not on.

IncrediblePhatTheInnkeepersCat · 14/03/2013 19:41

Oops - should say meant to be working not robe working !

thebody · 14/03/2013 19:46

Op I think you need to be very careful here.

A massive row over you effectively deciding to leave the house?

He is trying to control both of you. Please assert yourself or this control will stretch over all areas of your life.

Ezza1 · 14/03/2013 19:50

Haha, he will soon change his tune when toddlerdom strikes, when your DC is tearing through the house, talking nineteen to the dozen and smearing jam sandwiches over DH's important work documents.

kinkyfuckery · 14/03/2013 19:55

He is being unreasonable. Arse.

Squitten · 14/03/2013 19:59

He is being SO unreasonable!

He's demanding that you deny your son fresh air and exercise for three days of the week?! What about when junior decides he wants to "help" - then see how quickly you're booted out the front door!

I would tell him to get stuffed and go out!

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/03/2013 20:24

I have come back to this thread and can feel the anger raising inside me about you're husband's behaviour. I hope you feel the same and channel it into telling him he's not the boss of you

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 14/03/2013 20:25

Gah your not you're.

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