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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be feel bitter watching one born every min

80 replies

Kannet · 13/03/2013 21:46

Cause all three women this week are pregnant by accident and my second round of IVF just failed. Not trying to attention seek just a bit pissed off and want to stamp my feet

OP posts:
Wisteria36 · 14/03/2013 11:44

I can't watch any programmes like that as we lost ds2 18 months ago at 21 weeks and are now unsuccessfully ttc. Totally normal and sad that so many of us feel like that.

EuroShaggleton · 14/03/2013 12:04

YANBU at all.

I used to watch, hoping somehow hearing those new baby cries would help my lady bits figure out what to do. It was like picking a scab. I knew it was a bad idea but couldn't stop myself.

I'm currently mc'ing an IVF pregnancy and have managed to step away from it. It's just too painful. Standing on the tube, having mc cramps and being squashed by a pg child woman in tears on her phone about how useless her other half is was unavoidable though, but really brings home how unfair it all is. Mr Euro would be a brilliant father. I'd never be in tears to anyone about what a useless twat he is.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 14/03/2013 12:54

Euro I just cried a little for you then, it seems the most undeserving parents find it the easiest.

madonnawhore · 14/03/2013 13:03

I can't watch that programme since I had a MC.

TTC now and I just want to avoid anything to do with anyone else's pregnancy.

Quenelle · 14/03/2013 13:10

YANBU I'm ashamed of the way I felt about some pregnant women after my MC. One woman was particularly undeserving of my jealousy, I wouldn't wish what she has gone through with pregnancy and childbirth on my worst enemy.

Two of my best friends were pregnant at the same time as me and had their babies within a couple of weeks of what would have been my due date. I hadn't told them I was pregnant so they never knew about the MC. I secretly felt so bitter towards them whilst trying to be excited and there for them at the time.

To all of you who are trying, I really hope it happens for you, lots of luck.

Original poster
Kannet · 14/03/2013 15:03

There is no need to be ashamed about feeling jealous,it's natural.

OP posts:
Sunnywithshowers · 14/03/2013 16:40

YANBU at all Kannet. 41 and unlikely to ever have kids. I don't watch OBEM any more because it makes me sad.

Big hugs and Thanks to you and everyone else on this thread who needs them.

jellybeans · 14/03/2013 16:43

I felt like that after losing my 4 babies (two lost first tri and two DDs at 20 weeks+ ) and when it took ages to ttc. Also even when I was pregnant because I had 50 percent chance of stillbirth and loss and was convinced I would not have a live baby at the end.

However I now have 5 living children from 4 pregnancies (inc twins) so on the outside may look like have everything perfect but we went through hell and back to have them as have major risk factors for loss (blood clotting, incompetent cervix etc etc) and multiple interventions.

It's one of those situations that you don't understand till you have felt it. I will probably always struggle around pregnancy (other peoples) etc. I can cope with it now but sometimes it triggers sad memories. Also when people say their birth was awful I think at least the baby lived etc or if they say baby was prem I think at least you weren't 21 weeks etc etc. However I can still see that it is hard for them and why would they know how it feels I had no idea before going through it.

Lots of luck to you

Andcake · 14/03/2013 18:55

Stamp away. Life can be horribly unfair. It's a running joke in our house the things I can now watch now dc has come along after years of infertility and a few mc. I had not seen obem until he arrived safely. I hope one day you are in the same boat.

HavingALittleFaithBaby · 14/03/2013 19:01

I really struggle with this. We TTC'd for 2 years 8 months before I got pregnant. I knew of people who got pregnant by surprise I hate 'accidentally' Some who were pleased, some not so much, one for whom it was a total disaster. I don't understand why some people get pregnant when they can't/won't be able to continue the pregnancy when some people desparately want children but can't.

I didn't realise how bitter I was and how much it affected me until I actually got pregnant. I really hope it happens for you soon OP.

madonnawhore · 14/03/2013 19:04

Been thinking about you all day euro. Hope you're okay.

honeytea · 14/03/2013 19:06

YANBU, I felt exactly the same.

It may seem easy for me to say now (I have a 12 week old ds) but I look back on my time ttc and I am thankful for having experienced fertility problems.

I appreciate my ds so very very much, I have never once thought poor me my ankles are so swollen I have to wear flipflops in the snow or poor me I have had no sleep for 3 days, I was so glad that I was finally pregnant, even when i was giving birth to my 10 pound giant baby I was just so happy to have had the chance to get to that point. Nothing is as hard as those horrid dark feelings you get when ttc takes longer than expected.

I compare it to the first really warm spring day after a long cold winter, it feels so amazing, more amazing than a week of sunshine in July. I think that I appreciate motherhood in a way that I know I wouldn't have if I had got pregnant easilly and especially if I had become pregnant by accident.

I felt such envy towards friends who got pregnant by accident in dodgy relationships and with no secure home but now I feel so very sorry for them.

Best of luck with ttc, I really really hope it happens soon for you.

(And ps I watched obem every week without fail, I enjoyed sharing the birthing experience and it gave me faith that it would happen one day!)

Thanks
honeytea · 14/03/2013 19:11

Oh and I just wanted to add I felt envious angry at my own mother for her accidental pregancies (me and my siblings) I asked her how exactly did the "accident" happen did she fall over and land on his cock? she is an inteligent woman with an A-level in biology, how can she have accidently become pregnant!

HavingALittleFaithBaby · 14/03/2013 19:20

honey I'm similar! My DMum got pregnant within one cycle with her first and two cycles with her second. Oh, and an (unfortunately ectopic) unexpected pregnancy when on the mini pill. Hence her warning me of how potentially fertile I was and to be super careful Hmm Oh the irony!

Happiestinwellybobs · 14/03/2013 19:30

So sorry - stamp, scream and shout all you like. I could never watch it until this year when we finally adopted DD.

It is normal to feel jealous, angry or upset (we were TTC for 10 years in total). I have a sister who fell pregnant twice at the drop of a hat it seemed. I also work in HR so was always the point of contact for employees to tell me they were pregnant - all so so hard.

Sending you lots of un-Mumsnetty hugs and hoping it all works out for you

2048 · 14/03/2013 19:34

I'm with Holly, why are you watching and then moaning about the content. It's hardly a secret

bee169 · 14/03/2013 19:39

YANBU- I understand how you feel as I can't watch that show either but for different reasons.

Getting pregnant was the easy part for me. My son is autistic. He is a wonderful child but I do worry that he will have a hard life full of misunderstanding and social isolation. :(

I guess what I am trying to say is we are all on different roads

Good luck and hope it works out for you soon

thebody · 14/03/2013 19:40

So very sorry op and to other posters.

Life is unfair and utter crap sometimes isn't it.

Had lunch a few months ago with friends, all of our dds were more or less badly hurt in an accident. All will eventually recover more or less but one girl is disabled for life. I guess our friend hates us a bit and I don't blame her.

Bridgetbidet · 14/03/2013 19:57

OBEM seems to severely under represent people who've had fertility treatment.

It all seems to be people getting pregnant by accident, or getting pregnant the first time of trying, or having their fifth kid.

FrankellyMyDearIDontGiveADamn · 14/03/2013 20:00

It is all totally shit and unfair. I'm almost 3 years into TTC#1 and the closest I've got so far is a suspected chemical pregnancy last month.

I for one started watching OBEM because I had a fear of childbirth, so wanted to try and allay those fears. Most of the time I'm ok with it, but every now and then my heart breaks a little Sad

One thing that has really helped is counselling. Does your clinic offer counselling alongside the IVF treatment?

Original poster
Kannet · 14/03/2013 20:01

I didn't watch it knowing it would upset me!! I have already said I watched as I thought it might make me realise all the treatment would be worth it, but as it happened all three women featured had fallen pregnant accidentally.

OP posts:
Bakingtins · 14/03/2013 20:04

YANBU Kannet. I've just had 3rd miscarriage, it is massively unfair that what comes so easily for some people is so hard for others. We can stamp in chorus. Hope you get your baby one day soon.

roastednut · 14/03/2013 20:10

Bridget that is so true actually, when I have tortured myself by watching it there has never been anyone on who has had fertility treatment.

This whole experience for me has been a nightmare. It's bought out the worst in me in terms of bitterness. It's also made me very age aware too, I feel very young for my age and always been pretty healthy. This is something I can't beat no matter what. I also don't sympathise much with anyone under 30/35 having fertility problems as I just think compared to me you have so much time! I know that is unfair but I can't help feeling like that Sad

scissy · 14/03/2013 20:40

YANBU. Comment on the lack of IVF births - I assume all participants have to give permission to be filmed. if I had fertility issues and had eventually managed an IVF baby, there's no way I'd want my birth broadcast to the nation.

ceeveebee · 14/03/2013 21:02

There has been a few Ivf births on there. You can watch the clips if you feel it would help
lifebegins.channel4.com/explore/conception/assisted-conception/ivf-in-vitro-fertilisation