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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To watch my 5 year old in the yard and hold my children's hands?

39 replies

littlemisssunny · 13/03/2013 16:57

Just wondered really as I seem to be in the minority!

My son in reception class has about 15 minutes to play in the yard before his brother comes out, so I let him run about but ask him to stay where I can see him, and if he disappears the first time he gets a warning, the second time I make him stand with me.

There is a trim trail round the corner out of site, and I don't like him going there especially as today it was roped off as some of the equipment was broken. He went in so I went to get him and said it was out of bounds and explained why. He said but the others are playing here, I said it was up to their parents to tell them not me, but he wasn't allowed to play there.

I also hold their hands, especially when crossing the road (7 year old allowed to walk next to us but holds hands crossing over).

Most people don't, which is up to them, but when I constantly see children just running across the road without looking it scares me. My kids aren't perfect by any stretch and have done silly things.

So Aibu to do this (not saying others should). Or am I just over protective and need to get a grip! :o

OP posts:

LisaMed · 13/03/2013 17:10

I agree 100% Bless him, ds is six and pretty sensible, but I wouldn't like to bet his life on long periods of good sense. He is six. Therefore he is impulsive.

That said, if it is a side street ds is allowed to run eg as far as the next lamp post, the post box, the blue gate. I can't give him all the exercise he needs so some short sprints where it is relatively safe is fine. He knows the rules for that and in the playground - a bit of running around is okay but if I lose line of sight there is serious trouble, and I will not tolerate it. I have seen far too many near misses with other kids to risk it.

Mind you, when he was smaller I insisted on reins. We had to go along a dual carriageway to get to places like the doctors. I didn't trust a two year old's sense then either.

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 17:10

I don't stop my 5 year old from going out of sight in the school yard at home time...which is what I assume you're talking about? When you're waiting for his older sibling to come out?

They run around all day without us being there....as for walking along the road, I don't hol;d hands all the time no.

They walk beside me...my 8 year old would faint if I suggested she hold hands! I think you're being a bit precious.

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 17:12

What do you think he'll do op if you don't hold hands on the road? Run across it or something? I'm genuinely perplexed...a 5 year old should know to avoid the road...when we are.crossing the road, I hold hands with the smallest.....but that's it

cory · 13/03/2013 18:00

I don't think you are necessarily overprotective but I think you need to have a plan for how you are gradually going to teach them independence. If a 7yo is only able to walk along a road safely because she is next to you, then maybe she needs more safety training.

What you are aiming at is a child who in 4 years' time will be ready to make her own way to secondary school or to the shops with her mates- because that is the kind of freedom her friends will have and expect and which the school will probably expect of her on e.g. field trips.

She doesn't need to have it now, but she needs to be working towards it.

exoticfruits · 13/03/2013 18:05

As long as you have a plan to move on e.g. find a quiet road that DC can cross on their own. You can't keep doing at 8yr what you did at 7yrs what you did at 6 yrs etc.

TheChaoGoesMu · 13/03/2013 18:05

I let my school aged child go out of sight on the school yard, and she doesn't have to hold my hand crossing the road. Shes very sensible around traffic. Is your ds likely to run across the road?

TheChaoGoesMu · 13/03/2013 18:06

I meant reception aged child.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 13/03/2013 18:10

My 8 year old still grabs hold of my hand,although I don't make him.

I do ask my 6 year old to stay with me when collecting his brother, as there is lots of play equipment around which they aren't supposed to be playing on out of school hours, and its a pain trying to round him up when its time to go.

InNeedOfBrandy · 13/03/2013 18:11

I have a 5 and 7 yr old to.

Neither have to hold my hand walking down the street and have markers on our regular walks ie you can run as far as the lamp post/lane and they do go out of sight.

Crossing the roads I usually take ds hand, I don't for little roads but busy roads with no traffic lights usually.

ChoudeBruxelles · 13/03/2013 18:19

What do you think happens in the school yard when you're not there - while he's at school?

Ds is 6 nearly 7. We live very close to the school and he is allowed to run ahead, but some of that means he is out of sight around a corner.

He doesn't hold my hand crossing roads either, and is allowed to cross our very quite cul de sac on his own.

Think you need to relax a bit

ll31 · 13/03/2013 18:33

in school yard i would let them off. crossing road, i think you should start letting go , teaching independence safely

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 19:12

What choude said in addition to what I said.

OutragedFromLeeds · 13/03/2013 19:19

YANBU, but you are being a tad overprotective.

A 7 year old really doesn't need to hold your hand crossing the road and a 5 year old can play out of eyeline in the school playground imo.

BeaWheesht · 13/03/2013 19:20

Wow I didn't think I was slack but I do now!

Ds is 6 and dd is 2 - ds runs around in the playground and I've generally no idea where he is until the bell goes and he lines up - tbh I'm one of the few parents who even come into the playground most of His friends are dropped at the gate.

Dd also runs around like a mad thing but not out of my sight.

I don't make either of mine hold hands unless for example dd was messing around or it was a very busy road - she's always right next to me though and always on the inside of the path. She holds hands to cross roads, ds doesn't and hasn't for ages. I'm 99.9% he wouldn't run into a road.

At the park and stuff they both run off but I follow dd whilst ds goes off and makes friends / builds dens etc so long as he checks in every few minutes and doesn't go out of the area were in.

Hmmmmmmmm am I lax?

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 19:32

Bee you're not lax no.

wonderingsoul · 13/03/2013 19:37

in the school yard.. yes i think you are a bit.

holding hands crossing the road, no i dont think so,.. depending on the road..how busy it is.any corners etc.

my two 7 and 4 can run ahead of me, depending on where we are, but most they time they BOTH liek to hold my hand.. the 7 year old even holds my hand in the school yard and a pinky promise from him that he will allways hold my hand,, even when im 99 years old

littleducks · 13/03/2013 19:38

I would probably think you were a bit OTT if I saw you in real life. My children scoot ahead when walking down the road and have to walk next to me but no holding hands when crossing roads. They are almost 5 and 7. DS has been allowed to run around in the playground without me watching him since he was 3, befire he even started school. He made friends at pick up who he is now in reception with which is really nice. I see it as a really childfriendly/safe place as it has all been designed and set up by the school. Perhaps other schools are different though?

SquinkiesRule · 13/03/2013 19:42

Not unreasonable at all. Dd still walks by me and she is 8 and we hold hands to cross the road. They are little for such a short time, I'm not interested in scooting her along to grow up quickly, she's quite normal, plays outside in our field on her own climbs trees gets hurt and is surviving just fine.
I wouldn't allow her at 5 to disappear off to play round the corner in the school yard.

AnnabelKarma · 13/03/2013 19:43

You would be thought very odd indeed in our playground, yes. And a bit neurotic.

snowybun · 13/03/2013 20:17

My 8 and 5 year old are allowed to run out of sight in the playground my one rule is not go out the gate without me which has happened and their freedom was restricted. They very quickly realised that was a no messing about area!
They both hold my hand to cross the road which I will keep up for as long as possible for the 8 year old he has epilepsy and recently started with drop seizures which mean he suddenly drops to the floor so for safety it is a must at the moment. On the paths I usually give them markers to run to which I find a great way to let off steam although one path is narrow which they know to walk with me until it widens again.

missorinoco · 13/03/2013 20:21

We hold hands/the pram to cross the road. My five year old is allowed to run off ahead on the pavement, but only ahead on the same side if that makes sense. He has to stop when told, or he has to hold them pram for a while, which is a threat up there with the worst in his eyes. He can run around in the school yard though.

motherinferior · 13/03/2013 20:25

You don't let him out of your sight in the school playground?

Er, yes, I would say you are being really quite madly overprotective.

forevergreek · 13/03/2013 20:35

I would hold hands still. And running around in a school playground during school hours is very different from during drop off/ pick up. Then any random adult could walk in or child could walk out.
During school day the gates are locked etc

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 20:57

Greek it's not very different. In our school, the parents all block the gates whilst the children play...you stand and keep an eye on your child....you'd see them go past you!

Thelioninwinter · 13/03/2013 21:12

Re the school playground, if you are neurotic, then so am I.

All very well saying that other parents might see them or grab them if they make a break for it. But in my 5+ years of school pick up & drop off, that has not been my experience. Quite the opposite.

The rule for my 3 & 5 year old is that they stand with me, not run off or go out of my sight. They can wait patiently and chat for the 5 mins it takes for DD1 (8) to join us.

We have a similar trim trail beside the path out of the school which is supposedly out of bounds after school (signs up etc). My kids are the only ones who don't clamber all over it.

And we all hold hands crossing the road. Judging by the speed with which my fellow parents choose to drive their kids along a narrow, twisty, suburban road, I think it's entirely sensible.

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