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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To watch my 5 year old in the yard and hold my children's hands?

39 replies

littlemisssunny · 13/03/2013 16:57

Just wondered really as I seem to be in the minority!

My son in reception class has about 15 minutes to play in the yard before his brother comes out, so I let him run about but ask him to stay where I can see him, and if he disappears the first time he gets a warning, the second time I make him stand with me.

There is a trim trail round the corner out of site, and I don't like him going there especially as today it was roped off as some of the equipment was broken. He went in so I went to get him and said it was out of bounds and explained why. He said but the others are playing here, I said it was up to their parents to tell them not me, but he wasn't allowed to play there.

I also hold their hands, especially when crossing the road (7 year old allowed to walk next to us but holds hands crossing over).

Most people don't, which is up to them, but when I constantly see children just running across the road without looking it scares me. My kids aren't perfect by any stretch and have done silly things.

So Aibu to do this (not saying others should). Or am I just over protective and need to get a grip! :o

OP posts:

MrsMushroom · 13/03/2013 21:19

Lion can't you let them go and watch them yourself? That's what I do...DD goes to play on the equipment or the field...I can see her...

1991all · 13/03/2013 21:21

Our reception children all play for a bit after school
Not one of the mums would not be watching out for their child

Think it might depend on the physical layout of the playground

Holding hands is completely up to you OP
You know your children best
you judge it

With my ds, I try to give him the independence, but sometimes he's overexcited, especially coming out of school

Original poster

littlemisssunny · 13/03/2013 21:23

I do let them cross quiet side roads without holding hands but there are mainly main roads where we are.

What I meant by out of sight was I let him run round the big yard, but not disappear around the corner onto the play equipment where I couldn't see see him, the equipment is out of bounds to the younger ones anyway, so they shouldn't be there, it's in the key stage 2 playground.

I know I am over protective but they don't stop when I tell them too, the 7 year old is very immature for his age, I do try and let them have freedom by saying if you don't hold my hand you have to stop when I tell you, but they don't so I make them walk with me.

Obv at the park etc I let them run about.

OP posts:

cory · 13/03/2013 21:30

Sounds like you are probably working on a reasonable level for their state of maturity, but that you also need to work on improving especially the older one's sense of responsibility, against the day when you have to give them freedom whether they are mature or not. Ime that day usually comes some time during secondary school. Maybe you could try giving your 7yo little jobs to do, like posting a letter or buying something in the shop while you are waiting outside. Ime children tend to concentrate more when they have a task to do.

ceebeegeebies · 13/03/2013 21:30

I do think you are being a bit over-protective.

My DS2 (who is 4 and will be starting Reception in Sept) is allowed to play in the playground at morning time and mingle with all of DS1's friends. I don't always know where he is as I am chatting and not constantly keeping my eye on him.

DS1 is 6.5 and is not streetwise at all so I do make him hold my hand when crossing roads - however, he tends to run ahead to the corners of the road and wait there for me to catch up - he knows he is not allowed to cross them without me. This means he is out of sight for a while which I am ok about. I have to say that it has taken me a bit of time to feel ok about this as he has been a 'bolter' since he was a baby and I can see that he still has that instinctive behaviour about him but I appreciate that I need to let him go. Now he has boundaries about where he can go, he seems happy that he is allowed to run out of my sight without testing these boundaries.

Ds2 is a different kettle of fish and wouldn't dream of running away (how different they are ) and will happily hold my hand even though he doesn't actually need to as I know that he isn't going to go anywhere!

Thelioninwinter · 13/03/2013 21:33

Mrs Mushroom - I could, but as few others control their children, the chances of mine being tempted to run round the building with their friends, where I couldn't see them, are high. Not too serious for the 5 year old or easily resolved. But the three year old is a bolter and, in all honesty, I don't trust the other parents to help out.

Sad, but true. Won't do them any harm to learn some self-control and stand still for 5 mins though.

friendlyface12 · 13/03/2013 21:40

6 year olds and below cannot be trusted to gauge danger appropriately so for example, might run out infront of a car to retrieve a ball, even if they normally display care when crossing road.
I would not let my ds play where I can't see him outside- paeticularly where other people can come and go- you don't know who might be about.

Lonecatwithkitten · 13/03/2013 21:48

I still hold my 9 year olds hand not because I don't trust, but for the sheer joy of holding her hand.

LisaMed · 13/03/2013 22:00

The roads around the school here are all exceptionally busy, as said above, dual carriageway with lots of heavy lorries, lots of cars during school run etc and there is a shortage of crossings. tbh I don't like crossing the local roads at school run time. I think it would be unfair to expect a six year old to cope.

OutragedFromLeeds · 13/03/2013 22:02

I wouldn't expect other parents to stop my child running out the gate, but I would expect a child of 5+ to know not to run out of the gate. Different if they've got special needs obviously.

Abra1d · 13/03/2013 22:03

Are you outside the UK? Just asking because you talk about the school yard. :)

OutragedFromLeeds · 13/03/2013 22:04

Lisa I don't think anyone is saying a 6 year old should be allowed to cross a busy road on their own, just that they should be capable of walking next to you without darting off in front of a lorry.

LisaMed · 13/03/2013 22:12

OutragedFromLeeds I agree, and on the whole ds is okay. He does tend to daydream and bear left, however, and when a massive lorry is bearing down and ds is wandering closer and closer to the kerb I do an instinctive grab and drag.

I have also seen some of his classmates' attitudes to road safety and it is pretty hit and miss. I think if they are really busy roads, around five or six, it is good to keep them close, at least, that's how I do it. If you know your child will be fine just walking next to you, that's okay as well. And I just was saying that the roads here are really busy, and as an adult I find them nerve wracking.

ThisIsMummyPig · 13/03/2013 22:16

I don't let my kids go into the KS2 playground, because they shouldn't be in there, so I can understand you on that one. However, 5yo DD1 never holds my hand when we are out - she runs to a junction, and then waits for me. She can go out of sight, and I trust her.

DD2 tends to wait until I get there, and then set off without getting an all clear, so she isn't really trusted, but then she is only 2. I do let her get ahead of me though (when she is on her scooter) and will run to catch her up.

Neither child is allowed to cross a road without an adult telling them they can.

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