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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To take this money back from my sister?

58 replies

SofaKing · 13/03/2013 14:26

OK, background is dsis cannot get a bank account due to bad credit rating.
She was made redundant in November, and in December asked me if I would agree to open a bank account at my bank which she could use the overdraft of to fund Christmas, as she was due a payment of child tax credit after Christmas and could pay me back. I agreed eventually, after she said if I did not she would have no money to feed her DC until after Christmas.
She had a 300 pound overdraft which I paid off after Christmas when dh got his bonus. When she got her child tax credit money, she repaid me 160.
She then took money from the account, putting it overdrawn. I had to put the money back to avoid bank charges. When I asked her about it she apologised and told me to take the money back from the account when she was paid.
She has now taken money again, 30 pounds. I have topped up the account to avoid charges again but I am fuming
Would I bu to just take the money back when she is next paid?
I feel bad on some levels as she has no money at all and is a single parent, but I am a sahm and dh has a well paid job. At the same time she is taking the piss when I've done her a favour. I would love to close the account but before this she was getting the money paid into her daughters account and taking money from them instead, she and her husband are not working and have a dd, so they cannot afford to have her do this. I can afford it but don't see why I should bankroll her.
Aibu,and can anyone suggest anything else I can do to stop her taking money without asking which won't impact on other family members?

OP posts:
getmeoutofthismadhouse · 13/03/2013 14:29

Can she get a post office account then she can only afford to spend what is in there ?

januaryjojo · 13/03/2013 14:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TallyGrenshall · 13/03/2013 14:33

Take the card away from her so she can't take any more money out of it. When her tax credit is paid, then you withdraw it all and give it to her.

And get her to call tax credits and ask for a Post Office account letter so she can open an account with them to have her money paid in

Original poster
SofaKing · 13/03/2013 14:33

Yes she could. I have considered telling her to do this as she has again taken money, but in reality I think she would not bother and just use my niece's account instead. Dn suffers from anxiety, can refuse her mother nothing, and nearly split from her dh due to arguments about money caused by her mum, so I feel if I close the account I put my niece back in a really bad situation Sad

OP posts:
OhTheConfusion · 13/03/2013 14:34

She should be able to get a basic bank account. DH's uncle has a basic bank account and he was made bankrupt... I am not nosy (honest), we helped him look into it. Im sure it is with nationwide.

RobotHamster · 13/03/2013 14:35

Get the account changed so it won't go overdrawn.

Original poster
SofaKing · 13/03/2013 14:37

Robot I have tried this, the bank said they do not monitor accounts at that level, and cannot prevent anyone who has a card and pin withdrawing money even though there is no authorised overdraft on the account. No wonder everyone is in debt!

OP posts:
Curioustiger · 13/03/2013 14:38

I think most banks offer a basic bank account but they don't publicise it. You can get one no matter how poor your credit record. They do not normally allow overdrafts so would force your sister to budget better. I think helping your sister to become financially independent is a gift ... Even if she doesn't see it like that!... So yes, I would take back any money owed and shut the account. Tbh you are probably in breach of your Ts and Cs allowing her to use it as she has done.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 13/03/2013 14:39

She could get a very basic bank account with no overdraft. I have one (also have a shite credit rating) and it's amazing because I cannot get myself into any bother with it, but I do have a card that I can use in pretty much all shops and the vast majority of websites (apart from Tesco, you bastards).

Anyway, close the account for her sake and for the sake of your relationship with her. Frog-march her to the bank with various forms of ID and make her open her own account. She's an adult, she must take responsibility for her own finances.

MayTheOddsBeEverInYourFavour · 13/03/2013 14:39

I think you did a lovely thing, but if you don't nip this in the bud now it will be never ending

There's no reason she can't have her own bank account though it won't have an overdraft facility

If you wanted to help maybe you could get the forms for a basic bank account, then she'd have no excuses

RobotHamster · 13/03/2013 14:42

SofaKing - you can get accounts that won't authorise this though, so worth looking around or ask on here.

OhTheConfusion · 13/03/2013 14:43

Smiteyou, can I ask what bank you are with please? DH's uncle's account only has a cashline card and we always seem to end up buying things online for him (and rarely get paid back).

CloudsAndTrees · 13/03/2013 14:43

Close the account.

You know she's unreliable, you know she's a thief. If you continue to allow her to take money that doesn't belong to her, then you have no one to blame but yourself. You know what you are up against, so it's up to you to prevent it happening again, as you clearly can't rely on your sisters conscience or sense of morality.

You can give your dn emotional support, and you can speak to both her and her DH and encourage them to sort their finances so that they are less likely to be able to hand over menu easily.

Your sister will be able to get a cash plus account which she will have to pay for, but at least she will have her own bank account that her benefits can be paid into.

Original poster
SofaKing · 13/03/2013 14:46

I think you are all right, but I am being a coward Sad.

I believe I will take back the 30 pounds when she is paid, and if she raises it with me I will tell her I'm closing the account and will help her open a new one as I'm now aware she can get a basic bank account despite her bad credit rating. Likewise if she doesn't mention it but takes out money she does not have again, I will do the same.

I'm really angry about this, she has done a number of unpleasant things to me over the years, and didn't visit me when I was in hospital before Christmas, but if she needs anything she comes to me or my other dsis. I do have to stand up for myself but she used to be my best friend as well as my sister and it hurts so much to have lost this relationship. I am very reluctant to torpedo what is left but I feel I have no choice Sad

OP posts:
DontmindifIdo · 13/03/2013 14:51

close the account - tell her to get a post office one. You might have to write this money off, but she's going to keep stealling from you if you don't.

No one who's a grown up responsible person who can be trusted to keep their word when it comes to money has a credit rating so bad they can't get an account. She's in this position because she's done the same thing over and over again, but then she was just stealing from banks and credit card companies, now she's stealing from you or her other family members. Can anyone else stand up for DN?

Tiredmumno1 · 13/03/2013 14:53

Nat west do basic accounts, with a visa debit card, the card can only be used with a nat west or rbs cash machine though

EverythingIsTicketyBoo · 13/03/2013 14:55

Could you cancel the over draft facility? I would also check with the co op, they offered DH a basic account immediately after his bankruptcy.

LIZS · 13/03/2013 14:56

So does she still owe you £140 of the original o/d ? Did she get any redundancy money or claim other benefits. tbh I think you should cut your losses and close the account . It isn't secure while your sister has access and if you lost money, through her misuse or fraud, the bank won't be able to help you and it will affect your credit rating.

getmeoutofthismadhouse · 13/03/2013 14:57

Some people will always take the p for as long as you allow them to. They think they are somehow entitled and your sister obviously thinks you can afford for her to keep taking this money and coz you're allowing her to do it she will never stop. Put your foot down now before it goes over the top and you are paying charges after charges.

Crinkle77 · 13/03/2013 15:30

Close the account. She can get a basic bank account where she just has a cash card and no overdraft so she will only be able to withdraw money if she has funds

Kat101 · 13/03/2013 15:42

It is not you issuing the deathnell on the relationship, it is her. You are only mitigating against the effects of her terrible behaviour. Protect yourself, as she doesn't appear to give a damn about you/your credit rating.

SolidGoldBrass · 13/03/2013 15:53

ANother vote for the Co Op. I am shit with money and have a terrible credit rating, but my Co Op basic account doesn't allow an overdraft, yet has a debit card that can be used online, in shops, etc (including Tescos).

Original poster
SofaKing · 13/03/2013 16:02

Thank you everyone for replying.

I will research basic accounts so that when she says 'What will I do now?' I can tell her, and she won't have any more excuses.

Basically she has made me feel guilty because I have money and she doesn't, but it doesn't automatically follow that she can just help herself. Except in her head, obviously Hmm

OP posts:
CrispyHedgeHog · 13/03/2013 16:08

co-op bank do one called a cashminder account, you can use the post office as a branch.

Natwest have one too and I think barclays

ItsAllGoingToBeFine · 13/03/2013 16:14

You can definitely get basic bank accounts if you have a better credit rating etc.

Close the account you currently use for her, it's probably not legal doing that, and you are leaving yourself open to her wrecking your credit rating.

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