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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not give a shit if a girl was "afraid" of my ds shouting?

41 replies

havingamadmoment · 12/03/2013 14:21

My dd is 8 and has had terrible trouble at school making friends etc and is often excluded from games at playtime. My ds is 6 and is a sociable little thing. Recently my dd was trying to play football (at playtime) l it it came to be her turn in the goal but the other girls starting pushing her out and saying she wasn't allowed to play anymore even though she had been playing up to that point. Ds is normally in the infants playground and dd in the juniors but on this day they happened to be together in the one.

Ds saw what was happening and starting shouting at the other girls from the side when the continued to push and crowd around my dd he shouted some more and went over. The girls gave up and left dd alone. I later hear at pick up time that apparently one of the girls was very upset and afraid of my (younger and smaller) ds shouting and that really he should be punished.

SO AIBU to think that the girl who was upset has no right to be?

OP posts:
TheChaoGoesMu · 12/03/2013 14:23

I think its nice that your children stick together.

pictish · 12/03/2013 14:24

We're going to need more.
Why is your daughter struggling socially for example?

I am of the opinion that any ganging up is bad news, of course....but it's difficult to judge the situation going on the scant details provided.

MoreSnowPlease · 12/03/2013 14:25

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

pictish · 12/03/2013 14:25

And I would pretty much always give the thumbs up to sibling support.

SashaSashays · 12/03/2013 14:26

We can't be happy all the time, maybe she didn't like it but I too would take the tough shit approach.

Siblings should stick together, but more importantly those girls shouldn't have treated your DD like that, so I would vocally suggest that she lumps it.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 12/03/2013 14:27

It's things like this that make me want a second damn you op!
goes off to give self reality slap

Original poster
havingamadmoment · 12/03/2013 14:27

pictish - I dont know she has always struggled with social situations she just doesnt get the norms and finds it hard to relate to other children. SHe has never been in trouble for doing anything unpleasant or anything along those lines. SHe just doesn't fit in :(.

OP posts:
pictish · 12/03/2013 14:30

Awwww bless her OP.

Well...I should be proud of your son, sticking up for his sister. My kids are all close, and I would expect, and encourage the same.

I wonder what he shouted?

LandofTute · 12/03/2013 14:30

I've got one like that OP. (My younger.) YANBU.

Tobyturtle · 12/03/2013 14:31

This is a classic case of somebody being able to dish out shit but not take it back! Even if she was upset then she shouldn't have been bullying your daughter in the 1st place. Well done to your little boy for sticking up for his big sister!

BabsAndTheRu · 12/03/2013 14:31

Well done your DS, tough shit wee girl for picking on his big sister, hopefully think twice next time now that they know she's got back up.

AmberLeaf · 12/03/2013 14:34

Yep, what Tobyturtle said.

Tough shit and be nice next time.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 12/03/2013 14:35

Well if she hadnt been being a spiteful little madam she wouldnt have heard your DS shouting.

YANBU.

EarlyInTheMorning · 12/03/2013 14:36

All the girls ganging up against you DD and trying to exclude her must have been scary for her, even if they were silent...
Good on your DS.

aldiwhore · 12/03/2013 14:36

havingamadmoment I really feel for you, as the mum of a 9yr old who's desperate to be liked (therein lies theproblem I suspect) and a 5 yr old who doesn't care either way and is popular...

My boys stick up for each other when needed, but more often it's my reception class son sticking up for his year 4 brother, and at FIVE (and 6) they don't temper their anger they are simply angry/shouty/want it to stop.

However. Although YANBU to suggest that the girls should be in trouble for being mean, I do think that you do need to really work out a strategy so that your youngest can still help without diverting any blame for poor behaviour onto himself. When my youngest is angry and shouty, he is pretty scary looking and we are working on ways he can still BE angry but also do it a better way.

YANBU to think that your youngest should not be punished. He shouldn't be. But I do think there's room for training in how to manage these situations calmly and more effectively. My youngest now runs to a teacher FIRST (then shouts lol, we still have a way to go) I really do feel for you though.

elfycat · 12/03/2013 14:39

YANBU

Good for your son standing up for his sister. For all I fell out with my sisters at home - heaven help anyone else who picked on one of us. It's the way it should be.

He only used words and the other girl needs to learn to take it, especially when it seems appropriate.

Owllady · 12/03/2013 14:42

I am sure my sons would do the same for their sister

jakesmommy · 12/03/2013 14:46

I feel so much for your daughter as I was a child 'who didn't fit in' even though I tried, my older son (6) is very much like me, he has told me a couple of times that nobody plays with him in the playground and this does upset me, my youngest son (2 1/2) is very much more outgoing and loud and I don't worry about him making friends when he starts nursery in September.
Your daughter is very lucky to have a little brother like your son and YANBU

thefirstmrsrochester · 12/03/2013 14:49

Another one agreeing with turtle.
The child at the gate has the right to feel the way she did, but your dd has the right to be treated with respect. People with bullying traits pick on people they know won't fight back. I'm glad your ds stood up for her.

Viviennemary · 12/03/2013 14:49

I'd say good for your DS. He should be applauded not punished.

thezebrawearspurple · 12/03/2013 14:51

I'd reward him for sticking up for his sister, as for the other girl who was so 'scared' of his response, well good, hopefully she will think of that when tempted to pick on your poor daughter again.

Treat the pair of them, they deserve itSmile

GloriaPritchett · 12/03/2013 14:53

She has the right to feel upset, it is never nice to have someone shout at you, even if you do deserve it.

ZZZenAgain · 12/03/2013 14:57

If the girl was bullying your dd, she has no right to be upset about a smaller dc shouting at her to stop. How ridiculous.Your ds should be congratulated not punished.

melonribena · 12/03/2013 15:03

Well done to your ds! Is it worth having a word about what else he could do if the situation happened again, e.g approach a teacher

Bogeyface · 12/03/2013 15:03

Have you spoken to the school about this incident with regard to the bullying of your dd? Sounds like the parent involved needs to know that their little darling isnt such an angel after all.