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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to not go to this wedding because I only got an evening invite?

63 replies

RuePrimKatniss · 11/03/2013 17:02

Cutting a long story short. I lived with a women for 2 years (not too long ago) during that time she got engaged.

Whilst living together she had always very much implied that I would be invited to the whole day.

I do keep in contact with her now and again and met up with her at Christmas. I noticed other people had started to get wedding invites in January and I never got one. Didn't really think of it as a big deal as we rarely saw each other (due to distance) and she obviously has closer friends and family that would be invited before I did.

Got home today and see that I have an invite. However it is just to the evening do. Which would be completely fine if it was local, but the reception is at least a 5 hour drive away (maybe more depending on traffic) and I would most likely have to stay overnight too.

The invite also doesn't mention coming the ceremony either.

aibu to think it's a bit cheeky to ask people to travel 10 hours in total just to come to an evening reception?

When the travel, hotel room and present could be costing £100+?

OP posts:

FruOla · 11/03/2013 19:19

As others have said, she sent you an invitation because she'd like you to be there - but she's not expecting that you feel obliged to make such a long journey just for the evening.

Or .... there are such things as 'duty' invitations. Those that you have to send out, but assuming that the recipient can't/won't come.

A friend (it wasn't a wedding, but a significant birthday party), didn't send an invitation to another friend because he'd been waxing lyrical for months about a rather fancy-schmanzy business trip he would be on that week. Unbeknown to her, his business trip was cancelled at the last minute which would have meant he could have gone to her party, had she invited him. He didn't talk to her for months (well, he is a bit of a twunt ), but, essentially, she should have sent him the 'duty' invitation anyway.

whattodoo · 11/03/2013 19:24

Do you think that you should have been invited to the whole thing?
Even though you are no longer close?
Maybe she is restricted on numbers and/or budget.
It's entirely up to you whether you go - she has invited you' not demanded.
Maybe her evening invite was sent more as a demonstration that she wants to share her happiness with you - perhaps you could decline and suggest a lunch after the wedding?

TheSecondComing · 11/03/2013 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Iggity · 11/03/2013 19:31

I was invited to an evening do in another country. Cheeky mare just wanted to show off her invitations. She as much as said so. We were at school and uni together but hadn't been in touch much since we left but I still sent her a wedding present.

Didn't get as much as a kind look from her when I got married.

JenaiMorris · 11/03/2013 19:39

Like I said, an evening thing is easier to attend than an evening one. Like TSC, I wouldn't be offended.

JenaiMorris · 11/03/2013 19:46

Gah. Than an all day one. Especially if you have a long (but not sufficiently interesting to make it worth making a holiday out if) journey.

ChaoticisasChaoticdoes · 11/03/2013 19:47

Well I suppose it depends on the evening do

OP Your friend has sent an invitation not a court summons. Either go or don't. Personally I don't have a problem with evening invitations but probably wouldn't go to this one due to distance and cost, quite happily go to a local one though.

pigletmania · 11/03/2013 19:52

I wouldn't go as its such a long way and you don't really see her much. It depends how uch she means to you

cleofatra · 11/03/2013 19:53

YANBU
I always decline evening only invitations.

JenaiMorris · 11/03/2013 20:37

Last wedding I went to was with an evening only invitation. My partner wasn't invited, either. It was a colleague's wedding and they didn't have enough spaces. It was fine, I had a blast.

Poor sod was stressing horribly about it.

Finding offence and declining would have been cutting off my nose to spite my face.

Dottiespots · 11/03/2013 20:46

Its very very expensive to pay for a wedding reception especially if her and her husband to be are doing it themselves. Its about fifty to seventy pounds £50 to £70 per head for the reception food which is alot of money. Maybe that is why you havent been invited as she has only chosen close friends and family. The compromise is inviting all your other friends to an evening reception where you can celebrate with them.

LexiLoganberryBump · 11/03/2013 20:48

My dad and his partner got an evening invitation to a wedding and they decided that they should of been invited to the whole occassion, so they declined the invite expecting that the hosts would be so desperatly upset they'd invite them to the whole do, needless to say that invite never arrived. Ended up looking rather foolish.

If it's to far for you don't go. Your friendship don't sound particularly close.

bumperella · 11/03/2013 22:02

I can see your point that inviting someone for an evening do 5 HOURS away is silly: 10 hrs journey is a lot, and most people wouldn't go UNLESS they had a group of mates to travel up with and could make a weekend of it.
BUT you've not seen her regularly for a long time; she might be trying for a smaller wedding than the endless bloody cousins-of-parents allows for.
Either accept graciously or send a nice note saying that you're gutted not to be able to make it.

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