to want my MIL to stop shopping for my DD?

[OverThePond]

I realize as soon as I start explaining I will sound like *you all will fill in the blank, but I am so annoyed I will risk the wrath...

My MIL took a business trip and hit the boutiques a la Pretty Woman on Richard Gere's plastic. My daughter now has several bags of designer clothes to grow into, including swimsuits that will fit her in two years, seven pairs of the same pants which to me look like something that belongs on an old woman in a care home. No receipts, bought in NY, and very not my style (although to her credit--nothing is pink, hooray!) This is more than I would spend in a year on my daughter's clothes and much of it is not very practical.

AIBU to think that the bulk of the shopping for my child's wardrobe should be under her parents' purview? AIBU to think that spending more than our mortgage on children's clothes is excessive and just ... ugh? AIBU to think that my DH should be able say something besides "thanks for the lovely gifts?" Perhaps, "thanks, we returned most of it and bought clothes more appropriate for the playground. We saved that really gorgeous outfit she'll get a lot of wear out of, and we donated $1000 to the homeless prenatal program in your name."

Gah, I feel so helpless, and that is not my style. Advice and brutal "lucky-you-my-MIL-is-a-_" comments to make me feel spoiled not insane, so i can move on, please. Am seriously planning on donating it as soon as my daughter grows out of it.

YABU

I really don't see what all the fuss is about. Grandma buys grandchild some clothes?

My mum, and MiL buy clothes for my kids all the time, in fact other than some undies, I think most of their current wardrobes are gifts. I've always been very grateful. The only time I've ever said anything negative is when MiL kept buying my eldest very frilly, flouncy dresses. DD1 hates dresses so MiL was wasting her money, so I very diplomatically pointed out that she would be better buying jeans or hoodies. She took it in good grace, everyone happy.

Sorry yabu. Say thank you with a smile. And move on. Anything else is spoilt.

YABU,

She bought some frivolous clothes, her prerogative, why are you even wanting to control what she buys.

When you are a grandmother, will only buy what your DiL/SiL dictates?

If its a one off - let it go - keep the items you like or think dd will like and donate the rest to those charities in africa that like clothing.

if its a more regular occurance perhaps ask your dh to ask her to tone it down.

i can totally understand her delight at buying for GD and getting carried away, and thinking she is helping also...

its lovely of her to think of the gc you are not in control of her but in control of yourself, so what you do with them is your business as your dd mother.

i personally think its nice of gp to buy really pretty dresses occasionally or lovely shoes or coats for best, that you wouldnt neccasrily be able to afford yourself.

ps If/when I get the amazing chance to be a GP I hope I will be on good relations with my DD to ask them what they would like for thier DC.

Persoanlly I think money is better spent on experiences, classes etc, so it depends how much £ there will be to go round!

But I will ask.

OMG your MIL sounds like a right bitch!!! Your dp should be sticking up for you!

What on earth are you on about?
Sorry, YABU, and ungrateful, and rude and presumtious.

I weep for your MIL.

In fact, the only way this makes any sense is if this is a wind up, and I've been sucked right in. So well done.

I'm friends with a mother in law.

She buys clothes for her grandchildren, well, she did until she was told to stop by her puritanical dil.

She's still sad about it, as she lost two babies herself, and had an only: she enjoyed buying sets of clothes, so as to dress her grandkids the same, but doesn't do it now, for fear of being told off.

This dil never sends any acknowledgement of any gifts I send to her kids either.

It's very bad manners to be ungrateful, even if you're shocked at the gifts.

Learn to give thanks- being mean about other people's generosity is ugly behaviour, and it does nobody any good.

YANBU

If you find dressing your own children pleasurable, as I do, then you don't want someone else filing up their wardrobes with things you hate. Until children are old enough or have their own opinions their style is an expression of yourself. The MIL may have the best of intentions, but it's not ungrateful to not like the clothes, it's a matter of taste. I would try to discourage her from buying lots, a couple of items will be gratefully accepted I am sure, but not mountains of stuff.

Oh, and ebay the things you don't like when dd has grown too big for them and you 'forgot' about them stored away.

Wouldn't say anything unless your child would refuse to wear them and your MIL is short of money (in this case tactfully redirect her) or they are in some way offensive (eg t-shirt with dodgy slogan), or you are really short if money and your child needs e.g. A new coat/shoes.

If you still choose what your child wears then just don't use these clothes except when visiting MIL. If chd is old enough to choose own clothes and said clothes aren't offensive or impractical and child wants to wear them, then this isn't a battle I would be fighting.

wouldnt want to buy loads of clothes for my daughter's children personally, it's just a nuisance to have loads of stuff in the wardrobe which isnt being used, surely the important thing is get to see your grandchildren a lot not planning their wardrobes? Need to be as polite as possible of course but I think its best left to the mum, while she is still planning the children's clothes and washing and ironing them,

YANBU!!!
it's not just a few clothes, she has spent over 1000 dollars!! on stuff that won't get used!!! just think what the money could have been used to buy.....
what a waste.
if it was just one or two outfits then ok, let it go, but this is a crazy shopping spree. SURELY it's better to be honest and ask her to put the money away in a bank account etc., or at least limit how much she spends+gives. this is not just a little thing, i would be completely overwhelmed by it and totally get where the OP is coming from.
there's generosity and then there's ridiculousness, and clearly the MIL has other issues here linked to control etc.

Totally agree waffling. Fair enough if MIL had bought a few outfits but that much money, on designer stuff, for a kid! I'd be peeved, at having to find space for it, at having to deal with regifting/donating/selling it to get rid, and at the fact that the money spent could probably have bought something much wanted for DC if MIL had thought to ask before getting her credit card out. It's a pain when someone else's unasked-for good deed ends up causing you hassle, even if the intention is kind. But ultimately you do just have to smile and say thank you, because a gift is a gift. Maybe in a few weeks/months you could say something about not needing any more clothes. But a good relationship with your MIL is probably more important.

YABU surely its always n ice to ha ve extra choice. I have alays been delighted ay anything bought for my dc. Sometimes people buy things you wouldnt think of buying yourself but they can still look great. Be grateful.

You shoukd always be grateful for gifts. Yabu

Shoukd = should