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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think he could've at least encouraged DD to say happy mother's day?

40 replies

alisunshine29 · 10/03/2013 23:07

Ex and I are fairly amicable. For father's day, I got DD to make him a card, we made him a cake, got him a personal present and he had extra time with DD. Today was his contact day and that's fine but when he returned her he didn't even remind her (she's 5) to say happy mother's day or anything. I don't expect a card and gift but do think even separated parents should encourage their child to appreciate their parents. However, he did get DD to make a card, buy chocolates and flowers and take out for lunch his girlfriend who she's seen probably 20 times if that :-( AIBU to hope for a little consideration?

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 10/03/2013 23:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Buzzardbird · 10/03/2013 23:09

Well, you know what not to do in June now don't you? Happy belated mother's day Thanks

McNewPants2013 · 10/03/2013 23:09

I would have been fuming.

kim147 · 10/03/2013 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fluffypillow · 10/03/2013 23:11

That's not nice of him at all.

I would be really hurt too, especially as he got her to make a fuss of the girlfriend Sad

YANBU

SashaSashays · 10/03/2013 23:12

Rude.

Have I misunderstood the second part though, he is encouraging your DD to celebrate Mothers Day with his girlfriend, she barely knows? WTF is that all about I would be raging.

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 10/03/2013 23:18

Thing is, making an effort for father's day isn't for his benefit it's because it's the right thing to encourage DD to do. He has been with the girlfriend about a year and DD likes her but making such a big deal of mother's day for her and nothing for me hurts.

OP posts:
Tweasels · 10/03/2013 23:19

He got your daughter to make a Mother's Day card for his girlfriend?

That is the issue. The fact that he did not encourage her to say happy Mother's Day is neither here nor there. She is 5, she shouldn't be coerced into into that.

The Mother's Day offering to the girlfriend though is dispicable.

VBisme · 10/03/2013 23:20

That's incredibly thoughtless of him.

SashaSashays · 10/03/2013 23:21

Ok so I had it right. Wow.

I think what he did re the girlfriend is shockingly disrespectful to you, and very manipulative to your DD. Why is she doing cards for someone who is not her mother at all.

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 10/03/2013 23:24

When she told me the three of. Them had been out for mother's day lunch I so nearly said 'why? She isn't a mother and doesn't have any children' but figured biting my tongue is fairer on DD. Told her she was kind for giving the girlfriend flowers as think DD felt very guilty.

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 10/03/2013 23:28

Why would his girlfriend who isn't even a mother expect flowers and a card.
I'd have been furious and would have said something.

midastouch · 10/03/2013 23:29

YANBU i would be annoyed at DD spending mothers day with his new GF, the whole card and presents for GF is just ridiculous imo and probably lwuite confusingn for your DD

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 10/03/2013 23:36

She isn't confused as such - she knows I'm her only mummy but she's confused why her dad got her to celebrate with girlfriend and feels guilty that she hadn't got me anything. He'd told me there was going to be a big family lunch with his mum etc.

OP posts:
dundeo · 10/03/2013 23:37

ring him and congratulate him on his gf's pregnancy.

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/03/2013 23:38

If I had no children and a boyfriend who did that I would not accept the gifts but nicely so when they handed them to me I would say

" oh how lovely you got these for your mummy,she will love them how thoughtful thank you for showing me,shall we put them somewhere safe so they will still be lovely when you give them to mummy"

No way would I let him do what he did.

NatashaBee · 10/03/2013 23:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/03/2013 23:50

Quite, it would make me vey uncomfortable.

And would be a good indicator of how he would behave towards me if we had a child and parted company so would I be happy to know he would do that to my own child, not a chance it would make me jump ship pronto.

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 10/03/2013 23:55

Ouch not kind and definitely disrespectful. GF may be a permanent fixture so she may well be a stepmother in time but he shouldn't ignore you and actively encourage DD to fete her instead of you altogether. I guess you won't be putting a whole lot of effort into Father's Day. A card if she makes it at school but no extras.

Original poster
alisunshine29 · 10/03/2013 23:58

She's very young is all I can say to excuse her. Totally agree pixie really:having kids with him. But then when she moved into his house he got her to sign a document agreeing she'd have no legal claim on the property even if she has his child...!

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 11/03/2013 00:22

He sounds like a catch!!!

RivalSibling · 11/03/2013 08:16

Shocked at this. Thoughtless, stupid man.

I hope gf ditches him asap - its a massive red flag for her if she recognises it!

StuntGirl · 11/03/2013 08:20

The girlfriends as much am idiot as him.

Floggingmolly · 11/03/2013 10:27

Jesus, ignoring it completely is one thing, but celebrating with the girlfriend is spectacularly crap Sad

WhereYouLeftIt · 11/03/2013 11:10

"... she's confused why her dad got her to celebrate with girlfriend and feels guilty that she hadn't got me anything."
And that's why I'd probably bring it up with him. He sounds such a fuckwit it's possible he just doesn't 'get' it. It doesn't have to be confrontational, just along the lines of "DD's a little bit thrown over Mother's Day. She's confused about making a Mother's Day card for your girlfriend, not her mother. She's old enough to see that's not what's she's been told about by her friends and nursery/school/whatever outside source of info he recognises and feels she's done something wrong. So next year, could you keep it simple and let Mother's Day be between her and me, her mother?"