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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to give this woman a long hard glare?

40 replies

Follyfoot · 10/03/2013 22:49

In a clothes shop today waiting to pay. A woman walks in with a little boy - very young, maybe 2 or 3. He gets in amongst a rack of clothes and hides. Its a tiny shop so his mum saw him straight away. She put her hands into the clothes rail, bunched his coat and top into a knot across his chest and dragged him out, yelling at him. Her husband and daughter then walked in and she started looking at some clothes. She then shouted at the little lad again and a minute later smacked him. Poor poor little boy

OP posts:

candyandyoga · 10/03/2013 22:51

Sounds like she was being harsh. Can understand the yelling but not the smacking :(

Flojobunny · 10/03/2013 22:52

What did she shout at him and smack him for?
Maybe he deserved it if he kept hiding. I'd be pretty cross if he did it a lot. Very scarey when a kid goes missing.

YouTheCat · 10/03/2013 22:53

No wonder the poor bugger wants to hide from her.

I always think, if someone is prepared to smack in public what goes on behind closed doors?

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2013 22:55

YANBU to be upset by it but I doubt your 'glare' will have made any difference at all...or even registered.

WRT public smacking/behind closed doors...

I'm not sure about that one because look how many people grow up to tell a sorry tale of how they were abused at home...and yet everyone thought their parents were so very 'respectable'?

wineandroses · 10/03/2013 22:55

Ever since I had DD, I get a pain in my gut when I see people behaving like this with children (I used to think they were arseholes, but I didn't get a physical pain like I do now). I feel that I have to say something - and I usually get a mouthful of abuse for my trouble, but maybe, just maybe, next time that parent thinks of shouting at and hitting their child, they may feel a sense of shame and not do it. That's probably wishful thinking on my part.

So what I am actually trying to say is - if you see that behaviour, speak up. Tell that vile woman that she is being an abusive bully.

Original poster

Follyfoot · 10/03/2013 22:56

She cant have been scared, it was just seconds between him getting in amongst the clothes and her dragging him out. And then he was just standing with her when she smacked him. He did not deserve what he got.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2013 22:57

So what I am actually trying to say is - if you see that behaviour, speak up. Tell that vile woman that she is being an abusive bully.

Really?

And risk a punch in the face?

The OP might have had her own kids with her and I doubt telling a stranger (already in a temper) that she's an abusive bully would go down too well.

I can see where you're coming from...but in reality it's a no-no I'd say.

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/03/2013 22:57

There was a woman in tesco yesterday, buying grapes, they were in the cheapo bit, there was green and black grapes - the little girl wanted green as she didnt want to black, was being a bit naughty over it, "but i want green" etc, mother insisted on buying the black (they were 50p reduced - WTF didnt she just buy two packs). Anyway, i was stood right next to her and she bent down to the little girl, got her shoulder in a claw grip with her nails, shook her and told her "ive had a fucking nuff of you today" It was all i could do not to elbow the bitch in the face, it actually really upset me. DP saw it too and had to hoik his judgey pants up too. Bloody cow must have really hurt her DD, she looked about 4 :(

Original poster

Follyfoot · 10/03/2013 22:58

She did see me looking at her, there was definitely eye contact. Wish I'd said something but it would have made bugger all difference. She was just so harsh with him.

OP posts:

YouTheCat · 10/03/2013 22:58

I used to get a smack if I was naughty. A controlled smack on the bottom and my dad made sure I knew what it was for. It probably would have had the same effect without the smack really.

But I was never thumped in anger and never out in public.

squeakytoy · 10/03/2013 22:58

You have no idea what had been going on previously to this, so dont judge.

As for the poster who said about behind closed doors... absolutely no reason to think that at all. If anything its the ones who behave like model parents in public that are probably more dangerous out of sight.

SplitHeadGirl · 10/03/2013 22:58

The thing is though you have no way of knowing what went on before....she could be a very loving mother, but just reached the end of her rope. I just don't want to castigate the mum on one isolated incident.

SplitHeadGirl · 10/03/2013 22:59

Oh Squeaky...snap!!!! ;)

Lucyellensmum95 · 10/03/2013 22:59

I agree with Worra, also, they might actually punish the child more because they have "shown them up" in public :( There are some vile vile people around

Original poster

Follyfoot · 10/03/2013 23:02

We've all been at the end of out tether with children in public - I've abandoned a trolley in a supermarket and walked out with my DD tucked under my arm screaming. But it was the roughness in the way she treated him, it made me really sad.

OP posts:

fluffypillow · 10/03/2013 23:08

That is really sad op I hate to see people treating little ones that way.

YANBU at all.

SashaSashays · 10/03/2013 23:09

It does sound like she was being harsh but we all have our limits, I know that there have been times I may have caught one of you long hard stares and you don't know how your behaviour towards your DC has been interpreted by other people. Its easy to say you weren't harsh or rough because you knew the reasoning, another might make that judgment against you.

Also this stuff about behind closed doors is silly, I'm prepared to smack in public, and what goes on behind our closed door, smacking, thats it. I don't rush indoors and crack out the belt. I am in fact more likely to smack in public because it is in public where there are the few issues which can provoke such a reaction in me (roads, running away, climbing, hiding etc). Agree with Worra that many stories of abuse contain the detail that the outside world would have never known.

WallyBantersJunkBox · 10/03/2013 23:23

wineandroses Bless you for having the courage to speak out. I don't think you'd be likely to get a punch as most of these people are bloody cowardly around people of their own age. You'd get a mouthful, most likely.

I remember being around 5 or 6 and in the busy town centre with my dad. I was skipping along and went to grab my daddy's hand. I didn't realise in a childish daze that he had a cigarette lit between his fingers. My hand crushed the cigarette and it burnt my hand and even worse, his. He was so furious he punched me in the side of the head.

I was knocked sick in public...god how I wish that there were people who would have spoken out in public to him when he did things like that to me and my gentle DB. My own extended family ignored it like a massive elephant in the room too.

I really would judge these situations. I have never smacked my ds, even when he's driven me to insanity, clawed my face in a meltdown etc. There are always alternative ways to deal with things.

Goldenbear · 10/03/2013 23:28

YANBU for giving the stare, I have done this quite a few times and have confronted a man about his temper tantrum with his children in Tesco. If the child is 2/3 it is even worse. The adults involved should get a grip, they would most likely be able to control themselves if an adult had annoyed them which ultimately makes them bullies.

VenusRising · 10/03/2013 23:34

There is a little girl in my Dds class who shows my dd her bruises in the loos of her school. She came on a play date or two and asked if I hit my dd?

I've seen her mum beat the living daylights out of her, with my dd there too. I also know that this woman's DH hits them too. Both are very well respected doctors- one a consultant, and a fellow of the royal college, no less.

So far I've never spoken to the woman in question about it, I've just stopped talking to her completely, and I let the school know what I saw.

There's no way in hell I'd say anything to a woman in a red rage who was beating her child, even a glare wouldn't be advisable, but I would say something to the little boy, because he doesn't deserve to be hit.

It's shit isn't it?

VenusRising · 10/03/2013 23:36

Hugs to you wally. Kudos too.

squeakytoy · 10/03/2013 23:37

did she BEAT the child, or did she give the child a wallop on the backside... there is a bloody big difference.. one is legal, and one isnt..

if I saw someone beating their child, I would call the police, if I saw someone giving their child a smack on the arse I would keep my nose out of it..

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 23:38

YANBU to judge people who smack, it is wrong.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 23:40

Venus - you should report direct to SS if there is bruising.

WorraLiberty · 10/03/2013 23:41

VenusRising What did SS say when you contacted them?

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