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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

mn jury over here please!!

44 replies

NandH · 10/03/2013 21:08

Dh has written

"...also give daddy a break, I know he's not very good with me but he'll be better when I'm abit bigger" in my mothers day card.

our ds is 5 weeks old, since he's been born I have done EVERYTHING, no help from anyone, least of all Dh. I also have an extremely hyperactive 2yo to deal with, we have also recently relocated miles away. I don't expect any help from anyone but dh but when I could really do with his help he's know where to be seen...

basically I'm the one that could do with a fucking break!!!!!!! :( not him!!!

aibu to be pissed off he's written this?

OP posts:
lougle · 10/03/2013 21:10

I think it's a clumsy apology for not being brilliant so far.

YouTheCat · 10/03/2013 21:11

Is he any help with the 2year old?

catgirl1976 · 10/03/2013 21:12

I think he is trying to talk to you albeit in a clumsy way and I agree with lougle it sounds like a bit of a (bad) apology

It sounds like he's not asking for a "break" from doing things, but a "break" in how you see him or react to him.

Clumsy yes, but it sounds like he knows there is a problem and is trying (a bit hamfistedly) to address it

If you can, once you have calmed down a bit maybe the two of you should talk

Do you have any support locally if you have just relocated?

CloudsAndTrees · 10/03/2013 21:12

It sounds like a clumsy apology to me too. I can't see what you have to be angry about with what he's written. You may well have reason to be angry with his other actions though.

MsVestibule · 10/03/2013 21:13

No, YANBU! How pathetic - whining that he needs a break from nasty mummy's nagging. Lots of people aren't very good with babies, but I'm guessing that if he looked after your 2yo, and the bulk of the housework, you wouldn't be complaining about the fact that he doesn't change your newborn's nappy very often?

Trying to be fair, did you relocate for his job, and if so, is he struggling with it?

ClippedPhoenix · 10/03/2013 21:13

Poor DH.... umm no!

I'd be pissed off to say the least.

Why have you relocated? is it something to do with DH's job?

All about him then huh.

TheSecondComing · 10/03/2013 21:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SmiteYouWithThunderbolts · 10/03/2013 21:14

It sounds like he's attempting to acknowledge that he hasn't been great with the new baby so far. As others have said, it's a bit clumsy & I can see why it's upset you but I can't see that anything unpleasant was intended.

TallyGrenshall · 10/03/2013 21:15

YANBU

'Give Daddy a break' doesn't sound like a clumsy apology to me. It sounds like a telling off for your apparently unreasonable requests that he helps with his son

Unless of course you haven't let him near DS in the last 5 weeks, which I doubt

MikeOxardAndWellard · 10/03/2013 21:17

I also hope think this is a shitly worded apology. Maybe time to get more assertive with him and tell him exactly what you want him to do and when.

Nagoo · 10/03/2013 21:17

what the others say.

It was a stupid thing to write. I'd say, 'How about you give mummy a break', throw the baby at him and go to a travelodge. [dreams]

ClippedPhoenix · 10/03/2013 21:18

So people that are saying it's clumsy can't see that it's all about him then? that's not an apology at all, it's a way of him trying to make her feels sorry for him for being an arse and him excusing himself for it too.

Goldmandra · 10/03/2013 21:19

Could you write down you feelings for him too?

You could point out that he won't get any more confident if he doesn't give it a go and also that there are plenty of other things he could be doing like housework, cooking, looking after DC1.

Coconutty · 10/03/2013 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Grinkly · 10/03/2013 21:19

You need some rules.

1)When I am busy with DC2 - you do everything else.
2) as above

Original poster
NandH · 10/03/2013 21:19

no not really any help with 2yo...just shouts at her all the time :( and he hasn't done anything with ds for the whole 5weeks, ds doesn't seem to sleep, I'm constantly running around after 2yo and I'm fucking exhausted...I want the sodding break!!!

he's stressed out with his new job, which is fair enough, but his hours for the first 3 weeks are only 8-3.30 so it's not like hes working loads... just thought he'd be capable of watching dc for an hour in the afternoon so I can actually get some sleep!

I WANT A BREAKKKKK! huff.

OP posts:
MisForMumNotMaid · 10/03/2013 21:20

I've not mastered this one with DH. I find he needs simple clear instructions to help out. He just doesn't see the bloomin obvious little everyday things that need doing. Sometimes I could scream at him and he'll say 'all you had to do was ask'.

Are there some tasks you could offload onto your DH to give you a bit of a break? Even if its little things like making you tea in the morning, doing the bins, making breakfast for your two year old so that you can actually throw some clothes on before the whirlwind that is looking after two little one begins.

Mama1980 · 10/03/2013 21:21

It seems like a very clumsy apology to me-at least he is acknowledging that he's being pretty useless. I can see why you're upset though.

YellowAndGreenAndRedAndBlue · 10/03/2013 21:21

Erm, that just sounds pathetic! Has he got better with the elder child?

PickledInAPearTree · 10/03/2013 21:22

I would be tempted to stick that card up his arse.

Coconutty · 10/03/2013 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ClippedPhoenix · 10/03/2013 21:23

I'd not be in a huff OP I'd be saying he's a very self entitled person.

He shouts at your 2 year old all the time? Really?

He has nothing to do with the next one at all?

Why on earth are you with him?

YouTheCat · 10/03/2013 21:23

He's a shit.

ThePathanKhansAmnesiac · 10/03/2013 21:23

Tell him to give dd a break and stop shouting at her.

Anyone who can give you a hand op, must be shattered.

Dh needs to help out, calm down and frankly stop being as selfish entitled twerp.

Grinkly · 10/03/2013 21:23

Well if he shouts at her no doubt YOU take over.

Can you see the connection.

Buggar off out with DC2 (even if you just sit in the car for an hour listening to the radio) , he can shout at her and make her scream and cry and be upset or he can make a ......ing effort