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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so pissed off with this.

31 replies

Poppet48 · 09/03/2013 20:57

Fiancé left me in November when I was 4 weeks pregnant, Completely out of the blue walked out on Me and my 18 MO DS.

He sees DS 3 hours a week by choice as he 'Doesn't have time' to see him more than that.

Pays absolutely nothing towards DS, didn't buy him a card or present at Christmas as he 'Has no money' even though he goes out every week.

I get a text an at 3 in the morning on Saturday saying 'Cant pick DS up, You'll have to drive', I ask why and the next text comes in at 11:30am; 'Don't feel well, Went out last night, Too hungover to see DS'.

AIBU to be furious about this?

Despite all of this I am still completely in love with him and I hope and pray that he comes back to me

OP posts:
BOF · 09/03/2013 20:58

The only unreasonable bit is the part you crossed out. Don't you and your children deserve better than this irresponsible feckless slug?

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 09/03/2013 21:02

Agree with BoF

pictish · 09/03/2013 21:02

What is it you are deeply in love with?
His selfishness? His emotional unavailability? His worthlessness as a father? What?

Or is it the idea of what he might be like if only.....

He's not interested OP. Time to move on and expect an awful lot more from your relationships. xxx

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 09/03/2013 21:03

Go to Csa and get the shithead to start paying for his children

LaurieFairyCake · 09/03/2013 21:04

Why have you written 'my DS' Confused

Is he the dad? If he is go to the CSa.

CombineBananaFister · 09/03/2013 21:05

Aww poppet this is not good, if he cannot take responsibility for this beautiful little DS that you have then he is never going to be unselfish enough to be a good Dp to you. IT's hard right now because people can mess up and I personally think 'toddler' is the hardest stage but you deserve better than that. He prioritises a night out over you and your son - you don't need him and it's too much of a mess-up if he does come crawling back in a few years when it's easier.

Look to the future and you and your son because he's going to become this little coherent amazing person in just a few months and YOU do not need this shit of a dad ( maybe Ds will if he bucks his ideas up) YADNU

claudedebussy · 09/03/2013 21:05

i agree with all of the above.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 09/03/2013 21:09

You are in love with him??
Why??
Pregnancy hormones??
You are lucky that this loser is out of your life.
Let him go, and accept that you are going to be a single parent. Focus your energies on your children, who need you, not this arsewipe, who does not give a shit about any of you. He has made that VERY clear.
And yes, CSA. Take the fucker to the cleaners.

CombineBananaFister · 09/03/2013 21:10

Oh gawd, if your ex-dp bucks his ideas up NOT your son. Just read back am a tool Blush

Original poster
Poppet48 · 09/03/2013 21:13

I just can't seem to fall out of love with him, I want him to come back to me desperately, I don't know why. Ill never stop feeling like this :(.

He is the father to both of my children sorry for the confusion and both children were planned and very much wanted.

He told me to abort the baby and that he doesn't want anything to do with 'That' (Obviously his words), It came as such a shock, He literally walked out one day just like that.

I need to understand your perspectives on the situation so thank you so much for the replies.

OP posts:
IfNotNowThenWhen · 09/03/2013 21:20

Sorry Poppet, but you are going to have to be strong. NOTHING good can come out of you holding on to the idea of this excuse for a man coming back to you. I think you will feel differently once the baby is born, and these feelings will go away.
You are probably feeling lonely, and abandoned (you have been), and somehow feel like if ex comes back everything will be OK.
It won't. Even if he did come back, he has SHOWN you his character, or lack thereof, and you are FAR better off without him.
Afew years from now, when you are sorted and happy, you will be amazed that you ever felt like this.

Smartiepants79 · 09/03/2013 21:22

Any clues as to why a man you fell in love with is suddenly disowning his children and behaving like an arse of the highest order? Seems rather odd.
Apart from that, get him to pay for his kids.
If he isn't going to keep contact arrangements then tell him he can't see them.
You WILL move on but you must give yourself more time.
Concentrate on your babies and try and enjoy them.

Hassled · 09/03/2013 21:23

What do you actually love, though? Rationalise it - which bits of him are loveable? It's clearly not his behaviour, or the way he treats you - so what, then? Is it love or is it obsession?

LaurieFairyCake · 09/03/2013 21:24

You're not 'in love' with him.

You just don't love yourself enough.

AmberLeaf · 09/03/2013 21:24

Read back what he said about your unborn baby and see that this 'man' is not worthy of your love.

He is a pisstaking shit.

He doesn't love you. [sounds far too selfish to love anyone tbh]

How can you love someone who treats your child with indifference?

Call the CSA.

saintlyjimjams · 09/03/2013 21:27

Ill never stop feeling like this

You will. Once you realise you're worth a bit more than this sorry excuse for a man.

AmberLeaf · 09/03/2013 21:29

I imagine that being left has dented your self esteem, but Id hazard a guess that he didn't leave because of anything you did.

On the whole men don't tend to 'just leave' for no reason, I wouldn't be surprised if there is someone else in the wings. I know that must be horrible to think of, but realistically it is likely.

Original poster
Poppet48 · 09/03/2013 21:55

I have always had low self confidence and Ex was just perfect to me and I really can't help but be completely devastated by this situation and still be completely in love with him.

I honestly didn't know whether I was being unreasonable, Him doing that today just seemed to make me angry which hasn't happened before.

OP posts:
AmberLeaf · 09/03/2013 21:59

Hold onto that angry feeling.

He really doesn't sound like he was perfect to you though, if he was, he couldn't have just walked away.

He really is taking the piss asking you to drive over just because hes been out on the piss!

You are so not being unreasonable.

I can understand you being devastated, but what is there to love about him?

Love shouldn't feel bad like this. Love doesn't feel bad like this.

pigletmania · 09/03/2013 22:01

God I am going to give op te biggest wet fish slap ever. Ths man is a knob, disowning his Chidren and his disgusting behaviour would be enough to put me off

INeverSaidThat · 09/03/2013 22:05

Can you fall out of the idea of being in love with him for your Kids sake?

squeakytoy · 09/03/2013 22:07

"Him doing that today just seemed to make me angry which hasn't happened before."

Good! That means you ARE starting to get over him, honestly. Imagine that this was happening to someone who you know, what advice would you be giving to them?

Wewereherefirst · 09/03/2013 22:09

This is not a loveable man we are talking about here, its a selfish man-child.

Call the CSA first thing on Monday and make sure he damn well pays you for the children he created.

You should not love a man who doesn't fully love your children. Putting a piss up in front of seeing his DS is not on at all.

dopeysheep · 09/03/2013 22:58

When your baby is born, take a good look at him/her and remember that your ex wanted your child to have never existed.
Will you still love him then?

Original poster
Poppet48 · 10/03/2013 03:40

Thank you for the replies it really does help me put things into perspective and I think that I am blinded by the fact that i still love him so I am not seeing him as others do.

Dopey I never thought about it like that before and even though at the moment I feel like I will never fall out of love with him what you have said is completely true and I will keep reminding myself of that fact.

OP posts:
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