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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think the security guard should not take my dd

38 replies

LadyApricot · 09/03/2013 20:09

Shopping today in my local supermarket the security guard stops for a chat in a friendly way. She's 2 and he was full of advice after having two of his own
Bit he then picked her up nd talked to her for a bit and proceeded to walk with is while I did my shopping while he held her hand
Wow, I thought 'he's friendly' maybe too friendly but then I shop here every day, it's a small village..I guess it's ok even though everyone's looking at us!
Then as I went to checkout, he stayed chatting away and commented on how I need to be careful as she would go off with anyone. I said 'that's worrying'
As I was paying he just walked off with her! Right down to the exit and sat her on the customer service desk!
I felt sick! She looked worried too
I told the cashier I didn't feel comfortable and luckily a friend was passing and I told him to go and watch dd while I paid as I couldn't just leave
I left the store feeling more than worried. You don't know who's out there or what he's like
I visit this store every day and now I feel I dont want to go back in case he tries anything again
Am I being unreasonable to be creeped out by this?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 09/03/2013 20:11

you say a village, so how big is this store? was she really far away from you?

50ShadesOfGreggs · 09/03/2013 20:11

It does sound a bit odd tbh. It would have freaked me out too I think.

candyandyoga · 09/03/2013 20:12

Yanbu at all and I would have a word with the manager of the store. He was FAR too over familiar - I would not have been happy with him walking around with me and my dd and holding her hand let alone wandering off with her. You MUST speak up and don't let this happen again. Just remember YANBU!

JackieTheFart · 09/03/2013 20:12

I'm not sure I'd be happy with it but if you didn't say anything when he picked her up and walked round the shop with you, and then didn't say anything when he walked off with her, he thought you were ok with it!

(It is weird though, don't know anyone who would do that or is that a reflection on my kids)

midastouch · 09/03/2013 20:12

I would be compleltly weirded out by this! I dont think id go back again

Booyhoo · 09/03/2013 20:13

you realy should have told him to put her down as soon as he picked her up. he was testing the boundaries and you failed to enforce them so he pushed them further. his behaviour was over familiar for a staff member in a shop really.

Carrie37 · 09/03/2013 20:13

I would say go with your instincts. Good opportunity to remind her to stay with Mum.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy · 09/03/2013 20:13

I wouldnt be ok with any stranger taking my child away from me like that.

Village shop or huge London Tesco. I wouldnt be ok with it.

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy · 09/03/2013 20:14

Also, I would never dream of picking up a complete strangers child and wondering off with them. Thats simply not ok.

HollyBerryBush · 09/03/2013 20:14

Why did you let him pick her up and walk away without saying anything?

He probably thought he was just being helpful, letting you pack your shopping in peace.

Maggie111 · 09/03/2013 20:15

What would bother me is how your daughter felt about it all - you say she looked worried.

Talk to her tomorrow honestly about how you felt, what you think you could have done differently, how she felt, anything she could do differently if it happened again.

Take it as an opportunity - one not many people get about how situations can happen that develop into something that makes you feel uncomfortable, and she can change that next time.

Booyhoo · 09/03/2013 20:18

maggie this child is two. i'm not sure the conversation you describe would be possible with a toddler.

ENormaSnob · 09/03/2013 20:19

Why on earth didn't you say anything?

StrawberryMojito · 09/03/2013 20:20

He was strange but why on earth couldn't you have delayed paying for your shopping to have gone to retrieve your daughter. Surely a quick "excuse me, don't walk off with her please" would have sufficed. A bit strange from both of you. What did the cashier say in response to you?

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy · 09/03/2013 20:20

Arf, if I tried having that conversation with my toddler he'd probably say "Booby"

However, Maggie my immediate thought was what must the child be feeling?
My son visibly recoils when a stranger touches him. He'd be most uncomfortable with someone wondering off with him.

fluffypillow · 09/03/2013 20:21

I think that is really strange. I wouldn't have been comfortable with it at all. Although my DD would have screamed the place down if a stranger tried to pick her up.

I think you may have to tell him not to do it if he tries to pick her up again. Awkward though.

YANBU

WellSlapMyThighAndCallMeNancy · 09/03/2013 20:22

It is most odd that you didnt retrieve your child.

HokeyCokeyPigInAPokey · 09/03/2013 20:23

YANBU

I would not be happy with anyone doing that with one of my dc.

I would say something to the store manager.

MyHeadWasInTheSandNowNot · 09/03/2013 20:23

I suppose it depends on how small the shop & village are really. I don't necessarily think he did anything 'creepy', it's how things used to be and some people are just still more like that than others. If you didn't feel comfortable you should have said something at the time.

Maggie - she's TWO

HollyBerryBush · 09/03/2013 20:24

Mind you - only in Britain are people paranoid about 'strangers' anywhere else in Europe, Africa or Asia and you'd have your child, picked up, kissed, carted off with all and sundry.

Booyhoo · 09/03/2013 20:27

really holly? i doubt that.

babanouche · 09/03/2013 20:29

It's not odd you didn't retrieve your child. You were busy and taken by surprise and could see her the whole time. It's not like he took her out of your eyeline.

His behaviour is inappropriate though and you don't want him to think it's ok. Is there a chance it's a cultural misunderstanding? Other cultures than ours are far more child friendly so I'm just thinking there might be a chance he just likes kids and perhaps it wouldn't be out of place in his own country.

Whatever, it's worth a phone call to the store, I think. Not a shouty one, just politely to flag up his inappropriate behaviour.

apostropheuse · 09/03/2013 20:29

Whilst it's odd and a bit weird that he acted in that manner, it's even stranger how you reacted OP.

She's your child, why on earth didn't you just tell him not to do it?

As soon as he lifted her the first time you could have told him no. When he took her by the hand you should have said no. When he walked away with her when you were at the checkout you should have left the groceries and took your child back.

It would have been a quick and easy conversation - please don't do that, I don't encourage her being over-friendly with strangers.

babanouche · 09/03/2013 20:29

Agree with Holly. Most definitely.

babanouche · 09/03/2013 20:30

Any chance we not turn this into a parent bashing thread?

Thought not.

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