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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to feel sad that Mother's day doesnt include me?

73 replies

redplasticspoon · 09/03/2013 18:16

I don't if IABU

Dp has gone with dd to his parents for the weekend, and will be taking his mum out for lunch. I've asked what about me, as I'm also a mum, but he says that his mum is more important on this day. He has left a card for me to open on the day. I will be alone for the most part of the day.

AIBU to feel sad about this? Dd is only 2 so can't do anything herself. I suggested us going out for dinner, as that's something we never do, but he's not even willing to try to find a babysitter (and going out with dd wouldn't work as she would be tired and grumpy by the time he got back.

OP posts:

MerylStrop · 09/03/2013 21:01

YABU, a bit really
What would be the point of getting a babsitter to go for dinner with your partner on Mother's Day, surely it it more to do with doing something with your kids?
You need to study, and he's taking DD so you can get on with it.
He's sorted a card. Could be worse.

MerylStrop · 09/03/2013 21:04

Of course being pissed off with DP is good distraction from your studying.

It's overblown commercialised hoo hah anyway. Go for a nice lunch as a family next weekend instead.

Original poster

redplasticspoon · 09/03/2013 21:10

It's interesting there is such a mix of opinions. I do need to study so was hoping to do something together for just part of the day. With dd would have been great but by evening she gets rather grizzly so I was hoping for an evening out. I guess I just need to move on.

OP posts:

honeytea · 09/03/2013 21:23

Could you go out for a family breakfast with dd and dp?

squeakytoy · 09/03/2013 21:28

"With dd would have been great but by evening she gets rather grizzly so I was hoping for an evening out"

But you are not HIS mother... and what is to stop you from finding a babysitter for tomorrow night so that you can go out with him when he gets back?

fluffypillow · 09/03/2013 21:41

It seems to me like YOU WANTED the time to yourself to study, so was quite happy for DP to take DD out for the day, BUT now you are feeling jealous that someone else is getting the attention instead of you.

You can't have it both ways.

I can understand that your DP feels that your DD will be too tired to go out in the evening, and you agree. I don't get why you think he should take you out for dinner without DD? You are not his Mum

Either knock the studying on the head tomorrow, and spend the day with DD, OR get on with it, and enjoy some peace and quiet.

Your DP can't do right for doing wrong. YABU

EvenIfYouSeeAPoppy · 09/03/2013 21:44

IMO the key to whether you are BU lies in how he treats you the rest of the time.

Is he usually thoughtful, appreciative of what you do, does he make sure to give you a break when he can? Is he good/thoughtful on your birthday? Christmas? Do you get flowers or a meal cooked or something similar now and again? Has he defended you to his mother if she has been unpleasant about you?

If yes to all these, or most, then YABabitU. Then I would even accept the 'my mum is more important on this day' stuff.

If the answers are generally no, then YANBU, and the two of you need to talk.

Original poster

redplasticspoon · 09/03/2013 21:46

Fluffy you sound charming. What I have said that I want is to have some time together in the day. He is going to gone for the entire day.

Squeaky I would love to arrange a babysitter but unfortunately I have used up all my babysitting favours for now as his parents have consistently let us down recently. I asked him if he could ask about tomorrow but he refuses too.

I may ask if I could join them tomorrow, as right now the idea of spending mother's day on my own seems rather depressing.

OP posts:

RatPants · 09/03/2013 21:50

Rubbish.

I know it's not what you wanted but on the plus side, you essentially have a lovely day all to yourself (which I would LOVE!!) Can you do something nice and relaxing, just for you or plan to see friends for lunch etc as a cheer up?

crazyforbaby · 09/03/2013 22:03

OP, I think you are being too nice about all this. If you need to study, then use this time to study. What I see Mother's Day is as a nod in my direction for all the hard work I do all year as mother of the family. Life goes so quickly and my children are growing up fast. I love that there is one day where they stop and appreciate me and be thankful for what we have. And yes, I am a v grasping person...I start dropping hints to DH and the six kids in Feb that UK Mother's Day is on the way AND a couple of months later we start all over again to celebrate it here in Canada! What do I get ... Lotsa beautiful handmade cards and burnt toast for my breakfast in bed -I dont like bought cards or tacky gifts. I get a big fuss made of me for one day...love it!
Even if your little one is small; this is what your DH needs to understand- you have given him the most precious gift of all...your needs should come before the MIL's!

pigletmania · 09/03/2013 22:15

That is horrible treatment op and I would nt stand for that. I would tell him you are going end of. Not acceptable what an arse

pigletmania · 09/03/2013 22:18

I would not do anything for fathers day. That comment would be enough for me, how is he like normally to you

nailak · 09/03/2013 22:26

yabu, he said that today his mum is more important, meaning every other day you are the priority, and this is the one day he wants to prioritise his mum, because it is mothers day, and she is his mum!!

larks35 · 09/03/2013 22:43

OP I feel for you but as you've already said that you need to study then I can't really see what your problem is. As regards to going out in the evening without your DD, well that just seems senseless to me on Mothers Day .

I would love for DP to take our 2 off somewhere tomorrow as I have a pile of marking to do that I just can't seem to get into tonight. If only... I know that we'll have a lovely family day that will leave me just a drained tomorrow night and then I'll have no choice but to stay up late and get this marking done!

So I'm gonna say YABU as I am jealous of your free day.

candyandyoga · 09/03/2013 22:46

Why do you let your dd spend time with mil if she is so horrid to you? And your 'd'h sounds like an arse and a mummy's boy...

DizzyHoneyBee · 09/03/2013 22:50

YABU because you say you need to study and you wouldn't get any done if you went or if your DCs were at home so really he is doing you a favour if you need to study.
Your MIL is his Mum, you are his wife. It's mothers day not wives day

Theas18 · 09/03/2013 22:56

I'm on the fence here. Dh didn't"do"mothers day for me, ever. The kids do mothers day, so they make cards at nursery/cm etc and that's it.

But he doesn't really bother for his own mum either...

It used to bother me a lot, now I can very much see the commercialism and happy to do things at other times.

mumeeee · 09/03/2013 23:08

I was going to say YANBU then I saw that you chose not to go as you had to study so I think YAB a little unreasonable but your DH should not have said that his Mum was more importan. It should be you who is the important one now,

PedlarsSpanner · 09/03/2013 23:12

but but but

you get to POO IN PEACE

Original poster

redplasticspoon · 09/03/2013 23:23

Lol pedlars I guess I should be grateful for that!

I tried calling to ask if I could come tomorrow, but no reply, so either he is too busy having a good time or I am not wanted. Ah well.

candy I just try and keep the peace with MIL, she is a very unreasonable woman (but that is a whole other thread).

OP posts:

Backtobedlam · 10/03/2013 06:42

YABU-it sounds as though you want it all ways, peace and quiet to study, but also dd around (with dh looking after her) and to made a big fuss of. Mother's Day often involves a compromise in our house, with my mum and DH's to see, plus fitting in around other family plans, its not always easy. It's one day a year, some kind of acknowledgement with a card is great, and if you weren't studying then things would be different. Your poor dh probably feels like he's being pulled in all directions!

coraltoes · 10/03/2013 06:47

Thinks of DD, age 2, who had a total meltmageddon over a raisin on the floor and wonders who really has the better mothers day - only kidding.

H should have planned brekkie in bed for the 3 of you then set out. You'd get cuddles and flowers and then peace and quiet. Otherwise a takeaway with a bottle of fizz!

Original poster

redplasticspoon · 10/03/2013 12:10

So I woke up today, and had a happy birthday card but maybe dd picked it.

No phone call, I tried calling him and he won't even pick up the bastard!

OP posts:

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