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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel sad that Mother's day doesnt include me?

73 replies

redplasticspoon · 09/03/2013 18:16

I don't if IABU

Dp has gone with dd to his parents for the weekend, and will be taking his mum out for lunch. I've asked what about me, as I'm also a mum, but he says that his mum is more important on this day. He has left a card for me to open on the day. I will be alone for the most part of the day.

AIBU to feel sad about this? Dd is only 2 so can't do anything herself. I suggested us going out for dinner, as that's something we never do, but he's not even willing to try to find a babysitter (and going out with dd wouldn't work as she would be tired and grumpy by the time he got back.

OP posts:
crashdoll · 09/03/2013 18:34

YABU because you declined the invite but I do understand you feel sad.

mrsjay · 09/03/2013 18:34

Oh you say you need to study so it suits you not being there why cant you go out early evening or get a takeaway when he gets back , it suiting you is a wee bit different than them leaving you all day

pollypandemonium · 09/03/2013 18:37

YABU - No don't take it the wrong way, take it the right way. Organise a fabulous day for yourself with some friends. Get completely ratarsed somewhere fancy, spend loads of money and let him have his precious time with Mummy.

This is a child-free day for you. Enjoy it.

INeverSaidThat · 09/03/2013 18:38

I think it sounds OK. Your DD is too young to do Mothers Day and it is nice that your DH wants to spend time with his DM. She is his mother and you are his wife so it is the correct way around. Taking your DD with him makes sense and will allow you to study. I am not that into Mother's Day myself and I don't think this would bother me at all.

I understand feling a bit sorry for yourself but I think the Mothers Day side of this isn't the main thing.

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 09/03/2013 18:41

YABU really. You need to work. According to your first post, he's taken DD with him. That means you can get your work done in peace. That's not quite the same as him going off to his mother's for the day leaving you bored and alone and expecting you to do the childcare.

Are there logistical reasons why he can't be back in time for you 3 to have a nice meal together? I

LetsFaceTheMusicAndDance · 09/03/2013 18:42

oops posted too soon.

I think you may be wanting the penny and the bun here.

akaemmafrost · 09/03/2013 18:45

My ex used to say "you're not MY Mum!". Which was true but hurt me and I could never really explain why.

TheChaoGoesMu · 09/03/2013 18:52

I think he should do something, even if its a takeaway and a bottle of wine.

AdriftAndOutOfStardust · 09/03/2013 18:55

Thinking back to what it's like having 2yoDC - I think a whole day in a child-free quiet house would have been in my top 3 best presents ever and a lovely treat for mothers day.

Once your DD is older and capable of doing nice things for you, it would be reasonable to expect to have some treats yourself (e.g. it won't be long before she can "help" her dad to make you breakfast in bed). But for this year, the plan that is happening seems fine to me.

Pandemoniaa · 09/03/2013 18:58

YABU really. You can't have it both ways. If it is more important to study then it seems a bit churlish to blame your DP for making this possibly by taking your DD to see his mother.

BubblegumPie · 09/03/2013 18:58

He could get up with DD, and bring you breakfast in bed with a card she had made. It wouldn't be difficult and you would have had your mother's day and he could spend the rest of it with his mum.

Is there any chance he might be pretending to be a bastard and then surprising you tomorrow?

SparkleSoiree · 09/03/2013 19:02

I think the comment about his mum being the important one on mothers days is uncalled for and hurtful.

YABU in relation to your original question.

FiveGoMadInDorset · 09/03/2013 19:16

I would be absolutely fucking fuming if my DH told me his mother was more important than me.

Mintyy · 09/03/2013 19:21

You chose not to go?

bollywoodfan · 09/03/2013 19:46

You could have gone, you chose not to so yabu.

saulaboutme · 09/03/2013 20:19

That is so mean, poor you.

But ho ho roll on Fathers Day...

CatsRule · 09/03/2013 20:25

Why can't he go and see his Mum lraving your dd with you to spend Mother's Day with you...her Mum!?

Your dp sounds horrible saying what he did. Wonder if he would appreciate bring made to feel so "special" on Father's day!!

Llareggub · 09/03/2013 20:32

Is it a new thing to be so unbelievablely precious about Mothering Sunday?

I am a single parent. My DCs will thrust a homemade card in my hand and the day will be the same as any other day. I will give my mother a gift and a card. When did Mothering Sunday become a day to be so grasping?

DebbieLovesDallas · 09/03/2013 20:34

I think on Father's Day you should spend the day with your dad (if possible) and tell him he's not as important as your dad, and take dd with you.

CombineBananaFister · 09/03/2013 20:38

hmm, think the 'his mums more important' thing is a bit tactless but I'd be a glass half empty type person on this occasion. You don't want to celebrate the day with his mum, and your dd away means you can study so see it as a child-free day to do whatever as you don't seem keen on DD staying for a mother/daughter day. You could study in the evening and do something nice just for you while they're out?

It is MOTHERS day so do understand your DH being with his mum, if it was your anniversary then it's you as a WIFE that gets priority. It's hard when the Dcs are little, some men know to make a fuss of the mother of their child, some see it as about their mums. I sort of see it as a day with both both Dcs and dh/dps not really as a pamper/special day for just me so wouldn't expect a meal out without Dcs. Make the best of it Smile

Cuddlydragon · 09/03/2013 20:40

Oooooh, what a selfish arse. Let's plan something amazing for you and your dd on fathers day. Weather should be nicer then, a trip to legoland perhaps? Just for you two, leave grumpy to stew at home.

honeytea · 09/03/2013 20:48

He is being very unreasonable. I also think you are being a little unreasonable wanting to do something for mothers day without dd, isn't the idea of mothers day to celebrate being a mum not leave your kids at home and go out with your dp, that seems more like the sort of thing you should do on valentines day.

IfNotNowThenWhen · 09/03/2013 20:51

I don't really understand this. Surely he is going to see his mum on Mother's Day. As you are not his mum, why should the day be about you?
Personally, I hate all the fuss regarding lunches out and presents etc, but if your dp chooses to do this with his mum, then, really, it's none of your business.
Sorry, but I think YABU.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/03/2013 20:57

Expecting a meal you haven't cooked and a card is not grasping at all.

Op if Mother's Day is no big deal then neither should Father's Day be for him.

IneedAsockamnesty · 09/03/2013 21:00

Ifnot, she is her dc's mother and if they are to young to do anything it should be down to the other parent to assist them

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