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Original poster

To ask who gets 'priority' on Mother's Day

166 replies

Couldonlyhappentome · 09/03/2013 14:13

In your house who gets 'their day'?

Is it you, your mum or your partners mum?

I am going to be driving around a lot tomorrow between my mum and dp's mum and won't get time on my own with the dc until we get home for their bedtime by which point ill be shattered and dreading work on Monday.

How will your day go?

OP posts:
MoYerBoat · 10/03/2013 08:12

sock - Why does a woman need a special day for herself? I know how much my family love me. We show each other kindness and consideration all the time.

gardenfan · 10/03/2013 08:14

i may be a bit odd, but i dont get why mothers day has become such an emotive and competitive event. I have 2 DC's and a mum. I get cards from DC's, a phone call if i dont see them, and send a card to my mum, and phone her. BUT, if i didnt get a card, or a phone call, I wouldnt think it was because they didnt love or care for me, i am fully aware and feel secure in the knowledge that I am loved, cared for, and appreciated, as is my mum. It doesnt need a special day to prove it to me. Whilst i understand that some people might find it distressing that they are not "the most important person" on that day, i would say that you should express your love and appreciation at every possible opportunity, wether it be via a hug, a smile, a "thank you for your help", there are hundreds of ways love can be expressed . This should not just be on one day of the year..

Taffeta · 10/03/2013 08:16

We had a bit of a result this year. We planned on inviting PILs and my parents for lunch. But PILs are away this weekend, so they are all coming next Sunday instead, and I get lunch out!

Which I booked. But that's fine. Smile

Taffeta · 10/03/2013 08:20

I'm not religious at all but even I know that Mothering Sunday is part of the Christian calendar and has been for centuries.

It's Fathers Day that is the recent import/invention.

Pascha · 10/03/2013 08:21

No-one really. I've had my card, we'll make a quick pitstop at MILs on the way out later and my mum doesn't do it. It won't get mentioned otherwise.

NotYouNaanBread · 10/03/2013 08:21

I'm not into it at all, and my Mum (also not into it anyway) is dead. I go out for brunch with my Dad & the children every Sunday, so I'll do that as usual.

Even if I was into it, I'm not sure DH would play the part and with Easter around the corner, I've made it very clear that I would like a Hotel Chocolat egg - I pick my battles, and it's a damn good egg.

4yo dd brought home a sweet card/tea bag thing though.

Trumpton · 10/03/2013 08:33

MIL coming here . My mother died nearly 6 years ago . DS (33) back at home with severe depression ( he has been in mental health unit ). DD1 (31) lives next door with her DH and 2 littlies. DD2 (28) still at home. Son in laws mother coming as well. Possibly a few others as well.

Tea and cake , going to be a good afternoon.
DD1 is baking the cakes . I might throw a few sarnies into the mix.

ElenorRigby · 10/03/2013 08:44

"Btw: mother's day is NOT MADE UP BY CARD COMPANIES! It's been part of the Christian calendar for many years and was one of the exceptional times when staff and even captive slaves were given time off to celebrate "mothering Sunday""
Nope an American lady called Anna Jarvis
"On May 12, 1907, two years after her mother's death, Anna held a memorial to her mother and thereafter embarked upon a campaign to make "Mother's Day" a recognized holiday. She succeeded in making this nationally recognized in 1914. The International Mother's Day Shrine was established in Grafton, West Virginia to commemorate her accomplishment."

But Jarvis later became fed up with the commercialisation of the holiday
"By the 1920s, Anna Jarvis had become soured by the commercialization of the holiday. She incorporated herself as the Mother?s Day International Association, trademarked the phrases "second Sunday in May" and "Mother's Day", and was once arrested for disturbing the peace. She and her sister Ellsinore spent their family inheritance campaigning against what the holiday had become. Both died in poverty. According to her New York Times obituary, Jarvis became embittered because too many people sent their mothers a printed greeting card. As she said,

Ann Jarvis said "A printed card means nothing except that you are too lazy to write to the woman who has done more for you than anyone in the world. And candy! You take a box to Mother?and then eat most of it yourself. A pretty sentiment."

So although the day was not made up by card companies it was hijacked by them and other commercial interests.

As for me, my partner promised me breakfast in bed and that I would be pampered today. I had a wisdom tooth extracted two days ago and havnt been too well.

Guess what I'm up having made my and DD's breakfast. Hmm

On the plus side DD has already told me "I love sooo much mummy, Happy Mothers Day" Blush Smile

Oh the one that gets all the attention on mothers day here? Well that would be my narcissistic mother. Yep I have the flowers, card and plastered on smile ready.

iismum · 10/03/2013 09:00

Eleanor, I think you are getting confused between Mothering Sunday (middle Sunday of Lent, celebrated in the UK) and Mother's Day in May, celebrated in the US and maybe other places. The history you give is for the latter. Mothering Sunday - which we celebrate over here is a centuries old church tradition which involved returning to your 'mother church' and spending the day with your family.

Emilythornesbff · 10/03/2013 09:01

Eleanor, Motheering Sunday as we know it is separate from the US event (celebrated in May). It has a longer history.

Anyway, still waiting for my daffodils.

Emilythornesbff · 10/03/2013 09:02

H, x post.

MoYerBoat · 10/03/2013 09:44

Indeed the tradition of Mothering Sunday has nothing to do with cards and lunches out and gifts. It has turned into the commercialism that is Mothers Day - hence lots of entitlement and princessy behaviour from some on MN. Not to mention downright spite towards the mothers of their DHs and dps.

Librarina · 10/03/2013 09:46

It's interesting to see everyone's different perspectives on Mothers Day and what it means to them.

We're having both our Mums (and my Dad, it'd be a bit mean to leave him out) round for a lovely Sunday roast. We all like each other so it's just another reason for a get together with nice food. I'll do the main and DH will sort pudding and cheese.

Next year will be my first as a Mum myself so hopefully we'll do the same thing again, but I might cook something easy in the slow cooker, or DH might be in charge.

Either way am really looking forward to it. MN makes me realise how lucky I am to have a family that all gets along.

SamraLee · 10/03/2013 10:07

I'm American and living in England, so we have two seperate mother's days which is nice. I told my husband that means I get two Mother's Days as well and he happily agreed with it. This is my first year being a Mother and my daughter is only 8 months old. I asked my husband if we could visit his Mum as I enjoy spending time with her and my father in law, so when the baby wakes up from her morning nap, we get to have a lovely afternoon visit!

lovintheolives · 10/03/2013 10:08

i have to buy my own present and get up with the children while DH stays in bed. as he's the head chef at a local restaurant he NEVER gets days like this off so i ALWAYS end up spending my day trying to please everyone else, ie MIL and DM. So, this year i'd planned a day for just me and DC getting faces painted etc and all was well until yesterday my DM comes round and tells MY dc that she's taking them out today and what a wonderful grandma she is etc etc. when i told her i'd already made plans she said "well i'm sure we can still squeeze that in dear" grrrr Angry. to top it off DH was a complete arse this morning and DC been fighting since they opened their eyes...think i'm going to cancel Mothers Day next year! Sad

IneedAsockamnesty · 10/03/2013 11:06

Mo

The day already exists its been a tradition for many families for generations there is nothing at all wrong with someone choosing to celebrate it just the same as Christmas and Easter.

The problem occurs when people are unpleasant about it but having a cup of tea in bed opening a card or going to lunch with your young children is not being unpleasant,

You may be very lucky to have support every day many families don't for some people days like Mothering Sunday may be the rare occasion when they get a bit of a nice fuss made or don't have to cook their own meal.

You get to make the choice for you others get to make it for them just because someone else picks differently to you does not make it princessey behaviour.

Saying that it does makes you come across in a very nasty way.

Snazzynewyear · 10/03/2013 11:17

Actually the religious Mothering Sunday was 'somewhat hijacked by Christian writers who declared, on no evidence other than the word 'mother' that the day had originally been the day on which people went home to visit their 'mother' church'. From Steve Roud's The English Year, p.108. He says the secular custom of young people working away going home to see their family was 'already well established in the seventeenth century'. So while it may now be thought of as either a religious or a card company holiday, it wasn't either originally.

Tanith · 10/03/2013 11:40

My MIL does: she demands it.

My own mum gets a phone call. I get a card and chocolates before DH whisks the kids off to Granny's for the day Sad

ArielThePiraticalMermaid · 10/03/2013 11:42

It's a bloody hard day for the terminally childless, I know that :(

Horsemad · 10/03/2013 11:57

Tanith do you mind that?

clam · 10/03/2013 12:22

midnitescribbler: "It's a day created by greeting card companies to sell crap by making people feel guilty if they don't."

That's Father's Day you're thinking of! Wink

clam · 10/03/2013 12:25

zara1984 Shock How horrible for you. Sad

LadyLech · 10/03/2013 12:29

In my family, it is always the mother who is doing the active mothering who has their day, as it were. My mum had her day when I was small, and now it's my turn. When my daughters have their children it will be their turn.

Tbh, I think Mothering Sunday is more about the break, relaxing and letting people do the things for you (like making you breakfast etc), than it is about the presents. Why does my mum need that - she gets to do what she wants 365 days of the year! So yes, my mum gets a card and present (to show our appreciation of all the things she does for us, past and present) - this year my brother and I bought her a spa day. But the 'day' or the day off, is mine Grin

YoungDebbie · 10/03/2013 13:45

Here's my tribute to my mum and my grandmothers - and my daughter too!

I think it will strike a cord with mums and daughters everywhere:

The Scent of a Mummy

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

pumpkinsweetie · 10/03/2013 15:24

This year me for a change Smile, after many years of my mil being the queen bee whilst i dealt with our dc all day!
Lovely this year, was treated to breakfast in bed, and some lovely gifts from my dc and i made my mum a lovely lunch & cake. Mil is on the backburner until tomorrow, which is the least that toxic woman deserves after her past, recent & current behaviour.