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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

..in thinking DP should be able to decide a date to get married without consulting his brother first

37 replies

IThinkIDo · 08/03/2013 20:24

So, we are sat here having an 'OK, when shall we do it?'' conversation, to which he replied 'I would just need to see when x (DP's brother) is free this summer.' Eh? shouldn't it be the other way around? Don't you decide a date and then hope/assume important people can try hard to make it? Confused Am supremely irritated by this. Off to get a glass of wine!

OP posts:
FunnyBird · 08/03/2013 20:29

YABU
It only makes sense to check a few important people are going to be able to make it.

kinkyfuckery · 08/03/2013 20:30

YABU. His brother being there is obviously very important to him.

Sirzy · 08/03/2013 20:30

You planning for this summer? So its not that easy to just try hard to make it. People have holidays booked, or workplaces have all holidays booked.

YABU he is being sensible

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 08/03/2013 20:31

A bit unreasonable, of course you need to make sure your nearest and dearest will be able to make it, unless you want to risk them not coming. What if they have booked holidays?

BerthaTheBogCleaner · 08/03/2013 20:31

The only people you don't check with are the ones you don't mind not coming. Anyone you'd be devastated about not coming, well you check with them.

Carolra · 08/03/2013 20:31

Agreed. YABU... We had to check with 6 parents and 5 siblings before we booked our wedding. I wanted them all there (well, maybe not the inlaws!) so we checked they didn't have other arrangements....

HollyBerryBush · 08/03/2013 20:32

Depends on a thousand things.

So YABU

ThreeWheelsGood · 08/03/2013 20:33

Yabu, I've known people to check with their family AND close friends before confirming the date. Why would you risk choosing a date an important family member couldn't make?

Original poster
IThinkIDo · 08/03/2013 20:33

Hmph Grin

OP posts:
EverybodysSootyEyed · 08/03/2013 20:34

Agree that as it is short notice you should check with the important people

otherwise you would be on here asking 'Aibu or being pissed off that Bil won't cancel his holiday to come to our wedding'

Original poster
IThinkIDo · 08/03/2013 20:35

But how do you plan something like this around potentially so many people? Surely you have to lead somewhat..? Confused

OP posts:
hatgirl · 08/03/2013 20:36

kind of depends on why he might need to check...

my brother spends summer shearing sheep in various parts of the country. He earns the best part of an average half years wage during that time but works 16- 18 hour days with few to no days off for a number of weeks. I wouldn't expect him to even remember I was getting married let alone actually be there if I decided to get married during that time.

Similarly my dad would probably disown me if I decided to get married in lambing time.

Although the wedding is all about you - if you want certain people to be there its probably a good idea to arrange it for when they can actually be there!

EverybodysSootyEyed · 08/03/2013 20:36

Pick all your free weekends

Call up people in order of importance and cross out te ones they definitely can't make

Stop when you only have one date left

Or book your wedding at least a year in advance so most people won't have booked anything and get them to save the date

browniebear · 08/03/2013 20:38

What does his brother do? Is it really hard for him to get time off?
I think YABU really if they're very close

Original poster
IThinkIDo · 08/03/2013 20:38

OK. Either I am now enlightened, or the wine has worked. Feeling much more mellow now Smile

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 08/03/2013 20:39

OP, I hate to say this, but you are showing bridezilla tendencies. Please don't go down that road - everyone will hate you!

livinginwonderland · 08/03/2013 20:42

yabu, i wouldn't want to get married if my family couldn't be there.

Original poster
IThinkIDo · 08/03/2013 20:42

Think perhaps it's the elevation of his brother as 'most important person to check with' that has annoyed me.

Will endeavour to chill...

OP posts:
Original poster
IThinkIDo · 08/03/2013 20:43

Bridezilla...nooooooo!!

OP posts:
EverybodysSootyEyed · 08/03/2013 20:44

Well he clearly wasn't elevating him above you so not sure what the problem is

(you do sound a tad bridezilla - sorry!)

WhoKnowsWhereTheTimeGoes · 08/03/2013 20:44

Does he want his brother to be best man? Then I could understand why he is the most important to check dates with.

CheeseStrawWars · 08/03/2013 20:49

YABU. Relatively speaking, you are wedding-planning at quite short notice. Loads of people will have already booked their summer holidays at this stage.

scrablet · 08/03/2013 20:49

Oh I was just thinking about this today.
When me and DH decided to get married, my DFather kept saying, you need to set a date cos DS is so busy and gets booked up so fast.
I was trying to sort out venues and got really stressed.
D (D) BIL told us it was our day and no matter what , they would be there,
Still wish I had said to DF was my day, and not about DS (Just this once Dad, eh?...) Hmmm, maybe still issues....

DontmindifIdo · 08/03/2013 20:50

this summer??? Yes, that's short notice. Lots of people will already have holidays booked and be booked up with other events, it could well be his DB has already got various things booked that your DP knows about and really wants him there.

do you have a venue you want to use? If so, you might be worth finding out when they can do (if they are fully booked for the summer, then you'll have to rethink), then decide who on your guest list is a "must be there" and then check which of those weekends they can do. Start with both sets of parents if I was you.

JamieandtheMagicTorch · 08/03/2013 20:51

Perhaps he has always wanted his brother to be his best man?