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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think you don't *need* a big car, just because you have a baby?

88 replies

dreamingbohemian · 08/03/2013 12:37

I know this might come off as somewhat bitchy, but it's a genuine question as I don't drive and am not a car person, so I'm wondering if I'm missing some logic here. I'm feeling judgy toward my ILs and would rather not be!

Basically, SIL and BIL have had money problems for quite a while, and now one of their cars has died. Instead of replacing it with something small and cheap, they are borrowing 10-12,000 from the bank to buy a large car (like the one that died). Their rationale is that they need a larger car because they have a child and he has so much gear (they do visit friends a lot so need space for buggy, travel cot, their bags, etc.)

I don't really get it as we used to get by with no car at all, and now that DH needs a car for work we just have a tiny one and it's fine.

I know I shouldn't judge Blush but they are not really shy about borrowing money from all of us and so it's hard to ignore their money issues.

I just wonder if maybe there are other reasons to have a larger car, that are really obvious and they're not bothering to mention, because on the face of it I don't see how one baby means you need a big car. But again, I really don't know anything about cars Blush Their parents seem to think this is a good rationale so perhaps IABU.

OP posts:
Want2bSupermum · 08/03/2013 13:37

YANBU because they can't afford it. However, we have a huge car and two children because here in the US the car seats are HUGE. A 7 seater allows us to fit everyone in the one car when we have visitors.

I drive a golf and with the requirement of rear facing car seats, I am not able to fit both car seats in the back and leave enough room for the front seats to be useable. However, I refuse to buy another car and will use DH's car when needed until DD turns 2 and we can turn her car seat around. If my car was our only car then we would be buying a different car.

DeWe · 08/03/2013 13:46

It slightly depends what you mean by big car.

I think getting a 5 door rather than 3 door is reasonable. Much easier for baby in and out for everyday. Plus if you ever have to get the baby out in a hurry it could (extreme) save their life. Particularly if there's an incapacitated adult in the front, as has happened.

If they are planning on having more than one child, it may well be more ecconomical to buy a good car that will take 3 children now, rather than having to buy another car with the next baby.

Buying a new car again may mean less on repairs, and longer before they have to replace it too.

They should be able to get a good safe 5 door car about 2 years old for less than £10-12K. Which if they're running up the debt would be a good idea.

And you wouldn't be unreasonable to not lend them money. Sometimes I think that it isn't always the kindest thing to do to keep lending money. Because if they know they can always get money, they have no incentive to think carefully about if they really need it. So they end up getting into more and more debt. (personal experience).

If it's going to run you short, or you don't think you will get the money back, I would chat with your dh about whether it is wise to lend money. If they can always come and ask for more money, then they've no reason to worry about spending too much.

I have memories on going on holiday (over 200 miles) with my parents, sister, gran (who wasn't little width ways!) gran's dog, in a mini!

Crinkle77 · 08/03/2013 13:55

YANBU I don't understand it. How do they think people managed years ago before the 4x4 boom. I hate them especially as so many of them seem to be driven by mums on the school run who seem to be unable to drive them properly

Original poster
dreamingbohemian · 08/03/2013 14:04

Okay I'm definitely seeing more reasons now for a bigger car, so thanks for that!

I think probably they are just used to having one and can't imagine downsizing.

Also, if you are used to having more room, you end up taking more stuff, which then you can't imagine putting in a smaller car -- whereas if you have a smaller car to begin with, you take less stuff? (I think?)

I don't know about the lending money. It would be from DH's savings so it's really up to him. He has lent them money before (when BIL's business went under) but has essentially written it off and assumes it will not get paid back.

My ILs are not bad people, I think they are just in denial. They used to be bringing in more money and I think they can't adjust emotionally. They're also very stressed out right now so I don't think they're ready to tackle it really.

OP posts:
Original poster
dreamingbohemian · 08/03/2013 14:05

Although I'm glad to see I'm probably not BU in terms of not needing a bigger car, ta Smile

OP posts:
atthewelles · 08/03/2013 14:40

YANBU. A big boot is handy to accommodate buggy and later on scooters, trikes etc and 5 doors are much easier for strapping the baby in.
But it doesn't have to be a big car.
But an awful lot of people seem to be brainwashed into thinking that they need huge cars nowadays to transport one or two children around. Hence why you see so many 4x4s clogging up narrow suburban roads.

rocketleaf · 08/03/2013 14:52

YANBU, we have a fiesta and it's perfectly adequate. I travel up and down to my mums 2 hrs away and have been on holiday for a week 5 hours away. However, you have to be a zen master at boot tetris to manage it and if we had another child we would need a bigger car so perhaps they are planning on trying for another very soon? OTOH I wouldn't get into debt for it and probably i would be planning more if I had money troubles but thats just my personal opinion, not everyone thinks that way.

Wishiwasanheiress · 08/03/2013 15:53

We spent 5k on an old Volvo. 30k (originally) car for fraction if price. Can't get alot bigger but didn't need to spend 10k.

On £ score YANBU but size score yes you are being bit judgy, as ease of life is important if u do lots of big type trips. Lots of little hops, small car fine.

HorryIsUpduffed · 08/03/2013 16:15

When we had one child we had plenty of space in a little Focus, even going on holiday with all the stuff.

Second child,
suddenly I drive a bus. And we are doing sums to work out if we can safely fit three carseats across the back seat.

So YANBU for families with only one child - or only one child in a car seat, as little cars fit plenty of teenagers.

candyandyoga · 08/03/2013 16:21

Yes yabu to judge and yes you clearly know nothing about cars...

I love my big car, l like the space and I feel far far safer in it then being in a small car.

RobotHamster · 08/03/2013 16:23

Of course you don't need one, plenty of people get by without a car at all.

I like having a massive car. We had a small one when DS was little, and fitting in all the crap to go on holiday was a fucking nightmare. By the time we had 2 suitcases, pushchair and travelcot, the boot and back seat was totally full.

Now we have a huge 7 seater people carrier, but only one child, and it's brilliant.

Don't give a shit if anyone judges me, it's an efficient car and its incredibly useful and I wish we'd had it when DS was a baby.

RobotHamster · 08/03/2013 16:26

Christmas was an absolute bastard with the small car as well. You wouldn't believe how much crap people buy for a 1yo Hmm

twofaceshenanigans · 08/03/2013 16:28

I had a newborn and a 4 year old with a 3 door 106! Never really bothered me, I was skint and it was all I could afford, now they are older and i have a better job I drive a 5 door Saab and its much nicer when we go away.

peppertree · 08/03/2013 16:29

YANBU , if money is tight, methinks it is to do with status!
Like people who just have to have a huge kitchen with an island and hardly ever cook!

Bunbaker · 08/03/2013 16:38

"it's only recently as I sense BIL is going to ask DH for money again."

Just say no.

I drive a Focus. It is fine for me for day to day stuff. When we go on holiday (self catering) we always go in OH's Mondeo as we need the boot space. Also, OH is very tall and gets cramp in his legs when driving small cars as the seats don't go back far enough for him to drive comfortably, so he does actually need a big car.

JandT · 08/03/2013 16:38

We had a Auris with a 9 year old and newborn, it died when our baby was 6 months old and we replaced it with an older Touran for the same price. Auris did fit 'things' but not shopping plus pushchair, Touran fits more (and we now have 3 DC). That said, we could fit the pushchair in my Polo so it definitely isn't needed.

Some people really don't understand that to live within your means means you have to spend less. I'm always amazed by how big some people's mortgage (and thus stress levels) are and how they could easily live in a smaller house. I was told by our mortgage advisor that people regularly add on £20k plus to get a new car when they were struggling to pay the mortgage.

Maybe DH needs to talk to them about cutting down on their outgoings if they need to borrow money and work out when they can pay it back? I can't imagine their debts aren't making them worry but maybe they don't realise how to not add to them?

DrRanj · 08/03/2013 16:41

I think number of doors is the only issue. When dd was born I had an old style micra and dp had a saloon, but my car was easier as is was a 5 door and his was only two.

You only need a "big" car if you have a large family or go away with lots of luggage a lot IMO.

LiegeAndLief · 08/03/2013 16:42

Little focus! Having spent the first five years of parenthood (2 dc) with an old fiesta and a micra, I can assure you our secondhand focus is huge.

Obviously a big car makes going away with a baby easier, just like it would be nice to have a four bedroom house, but you don't need one. Especially if you only have one baby and split seats in the back so you can put half the seats down. We could fit two adults, baby and all baby travel stuff in fiesta like that. Two dc was a bit harder because you can't put the seats down.

We did manage to drive to a week's self catering holiday with a 1yo and 3yoin the fiesta, however. I was packed into the car and couldn't get out without dh unpacking me!

RobotHamster · 08/03/2013 16:48

Nobody needs a car with a massive engine either. Very few people need a 4x4 Wink

Who cares? Should people only but the things they need ?

JandT · 08/03/2013 16:52

Forgot to say, please don't pack things into the foot wells, etc. When our car was written off (driven at 50mph) everything which had been dumped in the back came into the front. I'm forever grateful that there wasn't anything heavy as otherwise I don't think I'd be here now....

Zara1984 · 08/03/2013 16:54

We have one baby and a 12 year old 5 door Golf - it's perfect!

When we have a second baby we might get a larger car once DC2 is 6 months +

5 door hatch or estate is all you need with small kids.

Zara1984 · 08/03/2013 16:55

Did not know that JandT!!

Glad you are ok

Bunbaker · 08/03/2013 16:56

"You only need a "big" car if you have a large family or go away with lots of luggage a lot IMO."

Or are very tall with long legs. Sitting in the back seat behind my husband is like sitting on a cheap charter flight - very uncomfortable with your knees tucked under your chin.

JandT · 08/03/2013 17:01

Zara1984 - neither did I, Made me incredibly paranoid for a while and still regularly tell DH off if he doesn't put the cover on the boot. Weirdly, my Dad (who is normally very relaxed about safety/sense) got very impassioned about it when I mentioned it to him so I wonder if the same had happened to him...

Cuddlydragon · 08/03/2013 17:04

I manage with a fiat 500 but it is so much easier with DHs land rover. The luxury of 5 doors and being able to sling the pram in is great. I wouldn't have a bigger car myself though because of the much higher running costs and emissions etc. The purchase price is only a part of the whole equation. On your post about the savings being DHs. Shouldn't you still have a pov on that as it impacts your family?