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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to expect my partner to make the bed

32 replies

LostPuppy · 08/03/2013 09:55

My partner is last out of bed every morning but almost never makes it.

I get up first, come downstairs and feed the cat, then go back upstairs and have a shower and get dressed. Then I come back down, empty the dishwasher, make breakfast for the kids, make lunch for one of them, make my own breakfast and take the littlest one to school.

Every time I come home from school and notice the bed is not made I am furious. Is it too much to ask?

OP posts:
InNeedOfBrandy · 08/03/2013 09:58

So why don't you ask instead of seething about it every morning?

ilovepowerhoop · 08/03/2013 09:58

I fling the duvet in the direction of the bed - does that count as making it? Not something to get worked up about

livinginwonderland · 08/03/2013 10:04

what's the point in making the bed every morning? he obviously doesn't see a point, so if you want it done so badly, do it yourself.

Trills · 08/03/2013 10:05

YABU to expect someone to make the bed when you've not discussed whether "bed making" is an essential activity.

Some people are of the opinion that, since you're not going back in that room til you go to sleep, you can rearrange the duvet at the point when you next want to use it, and making it pretty when nobody is going to see it is a bit pointless.

Imnotaslimjim · 08/03/2013 10:05

My DH is the same. I tried getting him up before me so I can make it before I go downstairs, but he just ins't a morning person. Tried telling him i'd like it making, and the curtains opened, but it never happens. Rather than seethe about it, I just get on with it now, there is no point wasting energy over it

Fairylea · 08/03/2013 10:06

This would drive me mad too so I do understand where you're coming from but I also sense it's made worse by the fact that essentially he is a lazy arse while you are doing everything else and he can't even do one thing that means a lot to you. You have to tell him.

lhs198 · 08/03/2013 10:09

My eh just the same. I just do it most days-he doesn't do it right anyway!!

IloveJudgeJudy · 08/03/2013 13:02

We leave the bedcovers folded back here so that the bed gets an airing. Perhaps you could talk to your DP and ask him to make the bed before he comes downstairs if it really bothers you. I have many more important things in my life to worry about, but I can see that it would worry some.

Pandemoniaa · 08/03/2013 13:05

It's annoying but better to ask him to make the bed than seethe about it. If, of course, you have asked and he still swans off leaving an unmade bed then he is being rather more unreasonable.

Sugarice · 08/03/2013 13:06

Have you asked him to make it?

redskyatnight · 08/03/2013 13:06

Well you're currently in the situation where you make it every day so your partner sees it as "your" job. If you want him to make it, or the last person up to make it or any variant of this rule then you need to discuss it. He won't work it out by mindreading.

5Foot5 · 08/03/2013 13:11

Does it need "making"?

We often don't bother - just sort it out before we get in again. This sort of thing doesn't matter to everyone. Clearly it doesn't matter to your partner but it does to you so if it is that importatnt to you then DIY!

Sugarice · 08/03/2013 13:16

5foot5

I'm having a hot flush thinking about an unmade bed left all day. Grin

I get very twitchy about unmade beds and make ours as soon as I get out of it, I can't bear it to be left.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 08/03/2013 13:22

My H doesn't make the bed either. He thinks it's pointless when you get back in it. I'd like it if he did make it but it's me who wants it made.

DoJo · 08/03/2013 13:30

What is the point of making a bed? Is it purely cosmetic? I always assume that it's healthier to leave it unmade as then it's getting a bit of an airing...

quesadilla · 08/03/2013 13:31

I've always thought making the bed is a bit of a pointless activity tbh but if its that important you should tell him.

HazleNutt · 08/03/2013 15:14

Not making the bed is healthier, so it can air during the day.

Notmadeofrib · 08/03/2013 15:22

You're furious? Wow, that's a lot of anger.

Is this really about the bed or the fact he's actually in it whilst you do all the work?... I suspect if he was up helping you then the bed issue wouldn't be such a big thing. Perhaps you should talk to him about it.

Dahlen · 08/03/2013 15:27

Grin at some of the "does he know/think the bed needs making?" posts on here. He'd have to be incredibly inobservant not to notice that its always made when he gets back into it at night. He hasn't said to OP, "DP, please don't make the bed as I think it's far healthier to let it air". So basically, he CBA and sees it as OP's role. As he also seems to consider cat feeding, dishwashing, and children's breakfasts and lunch.

Does he actually do anything?

Tee2072 · 08/03/2013 15:29

I never make my bed.

You actually should leave the cover off to air the bed rather than cover it up.

Also, why put a cover on the most comfortable place in the house?

MrsTerryPratchett · 08/03/2013 15:32

I am with Tee. There is research, and I will try to find it, that making your bed keeps all the sweat, dust mites smell and ick in. Airing the bed is much better.

carabos · 08/03/2013 15:36

DH recently made his side of the bed only. Apparently this was to "help" me Hmm. Soon set him straight about that Wink. He hasn't done it again - just leaves it in a heap Grin.

Startail · 08/03/2013 15:37

Never make beds, much better left to air.

Now wet towels left all over the place, including on beds.........

lynniep · 08/03/2013 15:39

Ooh. I dont make my bed either.
I make DS2's bed. Purely because his blanket falls off in the night. But often not until 10 minutes before he gets back in it for the night.
I can't see a problem unless you use blankets and sheets. Duvets just lie there.

Emilythornesbff · 08/03/2013 15:39

YANBU.
But I'd advise letting it go because it's not going to change.
I'll have a quiet word when he gets home (as we are clearly married to the same man Grin

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