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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Are you friends with your neighbour?

53 replies

Sharptic · 07/03/2013 21:56

I'm not sure if I'm being slightly odd
I like our neighbours, our Dd's are the same age but not in school yet.

Kids get on, we enjoy a good chat over fence but I think I'm holding back a bit in making a good friendship.

Would you make a good friendship with your neighbour?

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 07/03/2013 22:45

I'm really lucky, I love all my neighbours in my immediate vicinity.

Even the ones next door who think I'm fucking mental and tend to approach with caution, a fixed smile and little eye contact

beanandspud · 07/03/2013 22:53

We have great neighbours but I wouldn't say that we are great friends.

The children are different ages so don't really play together. We take parcels in for each other, have keys whilst on holday, feed the fish, have civilised conversations about the state of the fence and occasionally have a glass of wine.

However, if I ever needed help in an emergency I know that they would help me (and I would do the same for them).

OrWellyAnn · 07/03/2013 23:00

Was in a very similar situation to you Op when we first moved here. I'm really private and was reluctant to get too pally with someone who essentially could really crowd me out if they so wished. She won me over though, because she really respects my space and never ever intrudes....2 years on and she's one of my favourite people on the planet, a bloody good laugh and always makes me feel welcome.

However I can't see her house from mine nor she mine from hers...so we do get SOME privacy.

PoppyWearer · 07/03/2013 23:03

We've had an influx of families to our street and we do socialise, and one mum in particular has been quite aggressive about inviting me/us over for stuff (aggressive is the right word!).

Am wary, as PPs have said, about getting too friendly. It's great to know everyone's names and numbers and know they are there in case of emergency (had to ask for help once) but I don't want to build any co-dependent relationships involving babysitting or sharing the school runs, because in those scenarios I usually end up being the one doing all the work.

This has already partly happened in one scenario with a neighbour, and I don't want to pursue friendships that are built on a premise of what I can do for them, IYSWIM!

FayeKorgasm · 07/03/2013 23:05

We have fab neighbours. We socialise a fair bit with them and the fun group in the village. We all have grown up children or no children and a similar age so lots of freedom to enjoy

theoldtrout01876 · 07/03/2013 23:10

I used to be very friendly with ALL my neighbors,things went tits up with some of them though :o
Neighbor at back of me who I was very friendly with stopped talking to me when I refused to cut down a beautiful tree in my yard cos it was dropping berries in her illegal pool. Now she calls cops if my kids have a cook out during the Summer,building inspector every time I have work done on my house or yard just to make sure I have a permit. Oh yeah and Dh came home from work one day and they had a bucket truck in their yard with said bucket over my fence cutting down the tree I refused to cut down,that was an interesting confrontation :o

Neighbor on other side of her turned out to be a total cunt not nice person.(our kids were same age and very friendly). She sided with exh in our very messy divorce and due to a restraining order I had to take out against exh my kids had to be picked up and dropped off at her house. Ex insisted on it in court. When exh set DSS on me she was involved,and backed him.I reamed her a shiney new arsehole about a week after my divorce when she had the gall to stop me in my driveway and ask how I was doing,last time I acknowledged her existence

One of them was having an affair with her best friends son,who was also a neighbor, and used to tell her husband she was out with me ( I found this out after the fact btw) Then when that affair finished she started 1 with another neighbors husband,that neighbor doesnt talk to me now as I was friends with the one who was screwing her husband ( even though the friendship finished abruptly when I found out the goings on with the first boyfriend )

There is 1 family Im on good terms with still,not close but neighborly and friendly.

My bestest neighbor moved about 2 years ago,we keep in touch but the new people are very nice and very friendly but alot younger than us so no chance of it becoming anything more than what it is. I like them a lot

Gee got more than you bargained for asking that :o

HarrietSchulenberg · 07/03/2013 23:11

I have a chat to neighbours on both sides but don't really have them round for cups of tea.

tropicalfish · 07/03/2013 23:15

We dont get on with either side. One side have the annoying barking aggressive dog from hell that has access to the garden all summer long and comes out and barks at me whenever I go out in the garden. Obviously I have spoken to them about this. They were never nice anyway..What can you do with barking dogs. I cant imagine allowing a dog to throw itself up against the fence when my neighbour was gardening. They seem to have the view they are entitled to this, their garden etc etc.

KobayashiMaru · 07/03/2013 23:19

How is this an aibu?

Agent64 · 07/03/2013 23:26

OP YANBU.

Don't rip out the fence panel... yet.

We've not been here long - less than 2 years. On friendly wave/hello terms with all neighbours.

I like them all from a a distance. Some friendships may develop. I prefer to give it time instead of rushing into it.

ripsishere · 08/03/2013 01:04

No, I am not.
NDN on one side are fine, a quiet Chinese family. The rest AFAIK are a bunch of noisy twitting students. Image 19 floors with 9 flats on each floor, 6-8 students to a flat and you get the picture.
Young people should be made to be old before they are allowed to leave home. Directly above us is a flat full o'students, not sure how many. I am not averse to parties, but weeknights they should finish by 11 IMO.
5am and their drum and bass machine still going is not neighborly. Fortunately, I have a good relationship with our security guards...

anonymosity · 08/03/2013 02:13

I think OP if you have an instinct to hold back - listen to it. We have a next door neighbour with a DC the same age as one of ours. We became politely friendly with them, as you would - but it spiraled quickly into every time we went out the front door they asked where we were going / what we were doing and could they join us. I felt under a lot of pressure for a long time, it was really overbearing. We have now (after a bit of a bust-up) found a happy medium where the kids get together once every few weeks. And the intrusive questioning / demands have completely stopped. But it was a struggle for a while and I had had that "hold back!" feeling when they first arrived.

Twinklestarstwinklestars · 08/03/2013 02:18

We live on a road with 5 houses, next to us is an old lady who is nice, we chat if we see her, she always says she can't hear the kids (must be deaf!) and I take her bin in and out to save her struggling. The next up is a young couple who aren't in much, then we are friends with the family who live 3 doors up and the next is empty.

CrispyHedgeHog · 08/03/2013 02:45

my ndn used to be my closest friend for about 10 years. Then I hadmassive surgery and she never once visited or asked how I was during three months convalescence.

I realised then how one sided the friendship was,. Me giving her lifts. Lending her stuff. Treating her kids and including them in everything with my ownkids

She never once asked xdp how I was or even sent me a text. She lives next door. We've never spoken since.

CrispyHedgeHog · 08/03/2013 02:45

my ndn used to be my closest friend for about 10 years. Then I hadmassive surgery and she never once visited or asked how I was during three months convalescence.

I realised then how one sided the friendship was,. Me giving her lifts. Lending her stuff. Treating her kids and including them in everything with my ownkids

She never once asked xdp how I was or even sent me a text. She lives next door. We've never spoken since.

anonymosity · 08/03/2013 05:45

Crispy, that's bad, really really bad. I'm sorry that happened.

LindyHemming · 08/03/2013 06:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DumSpiroSpero · 08/03/2013 07:00

We don't socialise with our neighbours but the ones we are joined onto are great & we're certainly friendly with them - lots of chats over the fence, keep an eye on each others while the others are away & can always pop to one another to ask a favour and have a cuppa.

I will be quite upset if they ever move tbh.

Sugarice · 08/03/2013 07:30

Our neighbours on both sides are quiet, wouldn't know they were there tbh, rarely see either of them, let alone share a coffee!

Neighbour next door up is nice and we get on well but dh can't abide her dh so dinner invites are usually met with an excuse from us so she stopped asking.

He is a bit of a twat.

Dawndonna · 08/03/2013 07:33

My NDN are my best mates. When we move, we will be moving together to be near/next door again. They come in and look after dh if I need to be out, making sure he hasn't fallen and doesn't need anything. We look after their cat. They really are the best neighbours in the world.

Theicingontop · 08/03/2013 07:37

My immediate neighbours are lovely, chocolates at christmas, pops head round when doing the gardening asking if I want anything taken to the tip etc. But I wouldn't say we're friends. We don't socialise together, sit and have a cup of tea together or anything.

Trust them enough to have a spare door key though. And I know if we were away they'd keep an eye on the place. I just don't imagine we have that much in common.

Next door-but-one, though, is nasty racist cuntbag and needs to have her seemingly direct line to the council complaints department shut down.

nagynolonger · 08/03/2013 07:43

Got to know one side very well over the years. We don't see quite so much of them now both sets of DC are older. They go away to check on eldery relatives so I feed the cats and take in any larger post and water the plants in the summer. In return they provide wine.

The otherside NDN have changed a few times and so we have never got to know them as well but have always been on good terms and had no problems. At the moment nextdoor is rented out to a lovely family with little ones. The owner keeps in touch and rings sometimes. I'm a bit careful because I know she wants updates on the house! But IMO it's not my job to say whether the lawns are mowed.

We know most people along the road well enough to have a chat and catch up on family news. I do keep an eye on the old lady across the road because she is on her own now. We got her shopping a few weeks ago so she didn't have to get the car out in the snow.

Sugarice · 08/03/2013 07:43

Dawndonna
My NDN are my best mates. When we move, we will be moving together to be near/next door again

Wow that is close!

Jelly15 · 08/03/2013 07:53

Our next door neighbours have become like family, the built their house twelve years ago eighteen months after we did. Over the years we have been on loads of nights out and weekends away, with and without the children who are all at uni at the momment. We are not constantly in and out of each others houses constantly though. I would be gutted if they ever moved away.

Tailtwister · 08/03/2013 08:03

We have good neighbours on one side and acceptable ones on the other (they park like twats!). Having been burnt a bit by over familiarity with neighbours in the past, I'm quite cautious about having to close a relationship. We are on nodding/smiling terms, have a chat every now and then and know if there was an emergency we could count on each other. Doesn't go further than that though.

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