To wonder why people get so het up about DCs not being invited to weddings?

[DioneTheDiabolist]

Two people are getting married. They are having a party that they are paying for. So why can't they invite whoever they wish without being called Bridezilla or causing offense?

I understand that some parents can't get sitters or that sitters will cost money. What I don't get is why such parents just don't wish them the best and decline the invitation as it doesn't suit.

[Zipbangboom]

I totally agree with freddiefrog.
The ridiculous thing is that 5 years later its those people who then complain about child free weddings!

[MrsBucketxx]

if is child free thats fine I have had to decline myself in the oast and dh went without me,

the thing that pissed me off was that certain children where allowed and mine weren't

it shouldnt be one rule for one and another for someone else.

[ChaoticisasChaoticdoes]

It does amuse me when an OP posts about being invited to a cf wedding and someone comes on and says a wedding is a family event. Err...the OP's children are not family nor are they friends of the bride and groom.

I do agree that the bride and groom shouldn't throw a tantrum/apply pressure if someone chooses not to attend though.

Wrt to some children being invited and others not...it depends on the children. I think it's acceptable to invite family/siblings children only but not friends.

[ChaoticisasChaoticdoes]

That should say "about being invited to a friend's cf wedding".

Really must learn to preview

[CockyFox]

I don't drink midnight so being the only sober one at the table is not that much fun.

[pigletmania]

I totally agree with you Freddie, fine have a child free wedding but din have a hissy fit when those with Chidren cannot make it very selfish

[MidnightMasquerader]

Ah, well, I can well imagine.

[CMOTDibbler]

I dont care if people have child free weddings or not - its their choice. But, they should not dress this decision up as 'making it better party time' or 'letting your hair down', and accept gracefully anyone declining due to childcare.

DH and I don't have overnight childcare available to us, and pay for every minute of childcare we use. We'd decline anything but a local, evening invite without ds. I wouldn't pay to travel, stay etc on my own tbh

[bigbadbarry]

bangwhizz it meant I said that's fine but we won't be able to come: she said well perhaps I shouldn't invite your parents so they will babysit. They have known her her whole life and would be beyond hurt. Maybe I should have stuck to my guns but it would have been beyond bolshy. DH just didn't go,

[wongadotmom]

My Dsis had to have a child free wedding due to limit on numbers, as she could only have 50 guests at the register office and daytime reception. All children were welcome at the evening reception and it was lovely (although I did miss the DC's during the day)

My wedding was 3 years later. All close family and friends and their children were at the church and daytime reception, but we had a limit of 72 at the daytime reception. The children behaved beautifully throughout the wedding, reception and evening party and I am so glad we had them there to share our special day.

It's the bride and groom's day and nothing to get het up over! YANBU.

[pigletmania]

I totally agree cmot, we only do local child free weddings due to having children especially one with sn. It is not easy to get chidcare and if I put her in residential te cost would be high and also leaves te problem with who to look after ds. We have no relatives tat are local and friends have teir own children and problems

[ChaoticisasChaoticdoes]

She emotionally blackmailed you!! What a bitch...now that really is out or order.

[Iaintdunnuffink]

I don't mind child free weddings but people can't get huffy if invites are turned down due to a no child policy. Most of the posts about child free weddings don't seem to be about offence that their child isn't invited but about the difficult logistics and expense.

I turned down a child free wedding last year, it was a relative and no one I was close to. I'm still hearing Chinese whispers about how I didn't want to leave my child, how I was turning it down on principle Being the mother, blame and responsibility was laid at my feet, not my husband's. My youngest child was 5 and terrified of being left at a party at the time. It wasn't worth paying out hundreds in childcare in this situation! Or me rushing around trying to catch the ceremony and miss all the fun after.

When child free weddings have come up for friends either I go by myself or my husband does and there are no negative feelings. I limited children at my own wedding as it is expensive, it's impossible to Invite all children of all your friends.

I couldn't imagine one of my brothers or sisters getting married and not inviting nieces and nephews. I honestly would be upset if that happened, we're not that sort of family and all get on well. I only have one brother who isn't married and I can't see him not wanting children in the immediate family to be invited, he's a grey uncle.

[Iaintdunnuffink]

Great uncle! He's not grey

[iliketea]

I don't mind being invited to a child free wedding, but I do mind the bride have a drama about turning the invite down.

Me and dh were invited to my cousins child-free wedding in my home town (500miles away). All my family were also invited, so no local childcare and noone we know well enough to leave then 2yo dd with for 2 overnight stays local to us. So I rsvped saying I was coming alone. It caused such a drama (somethig about odd numbers at tables etc) that I very nearly didn't bother going. If you chose a child-free wedding,then you need to expect some parents will be unable to attend, not make a big fuss about it.

[bringmeroses]

Brides are allowed to have dramas, it's part of the whole 'I'm so special' thing you get caught up in. I think anyone choosing a child free wedding, or only children of close relatives, is perfectly entitled to do so as long as they understand that they will be excluding guests who don't want to leave their DCs - and simply not wanting to leave them is good enough reason IMO.

I attended a friend's wedding on my own once leaving DCs with DH; I was glad to be there for her but it felt a little awkward all round. She really wanted me to get childcare but it wasn't an option, and I have to hope she understood!

I DO feel for anyone who's suffered noisy kids during a ceremony - months of planning, thousands of pounds spent, and a baby starts wailing or toddler starts chatting loudly. In these cases parents should immediately take their DC away from the service. Yet so many don't! Why?!!

[Bananasinfadedpjs]

We only tend to go to the weddings of people that we consider very close friends - I do sometimes turn invites down if I feel it is someone I don't know that well.

If a couple didn't invite our children too, then I'd be sad that our children obviously didn't mean that much to them - and to me that would mean that they weren't a close friend anyway, so I wouldn't go (this has never actually happened, by the way).

My friends are important to me; my friends' children are also important to me - if I care about someone enough to go to their wedding, then they'll have a close relationship with my whole family, and they'll know my DC and (I hope) want them as guests in their own right.

[specialsubject]

children don't enjoy weddings - hardly an event of interest to children, is it? And as poppywearer says, they can actually ruin the event because they find it so boring.

if people can't come because they can't get sitters, so what? There will be other parties.

[mrsjay]

I didn't have children to my wedding there was no room as it was a small registry office and we couldnt afford the adults and the children so they wre not invited people were fine with it no dramas or anything,

I did have an evening reception was an open invite as it was in a large hall, nobody brought their children, DD was there but my friend who didnt come looked after her at night for us,

do you think children like weddings? any wedding ive been at with children they look bored the last one there was children as bridesmaids and page boys their mum looked frazzled as the girls were faffing about with their dresses didnt want to be in photies and they were all running about bumping into people,
I saw the mum put them in a car at night go to the bar and knock back a large drink . Unless you put on things for small children to do they are going to be a bit bored imo

[fluffyraggies]

"why such parents just don't wish them the best and decline the invitation as it doesn't suit"

they do. If they've got no child care they've no other option!

I've never seen anyone decline on principal.

Clearly some people have a different idea of what a wedding should be than others. That's not ground breaking news. It's no sin and nothing new to disagree with others choices and ideas.

The only thing that is quite ridiculous and a fairly new phenomena IME is the child free wedding being organised by the B+G with the expectation that their guests will 100% be able to find a way to do as requested, and definately not decline. On pain of a family rift.

While i'm here may i just say ditto for the weddings where everyone is invited across the country to the ceremony at 11am, a few of those guests are invited on to a 2nd gathering at midday, and then everyone else is then expected to twiddle their thumbs for 7 hours and then magically re-appear later for the knees up. Again risking a family feud if you don't do as you're told.

[babanouche]

My cousin recently got married. Sent out an invite saying no children. Then called me and said obviously my 2 lo's were invited. Mine are the only 2 kids in the family. Despite others saying kids don't enjoy weddings, mine do. They love big parties, who wouldn't? Then the bride called and said no, she'd put her foot in it and the kids weren't invited. This was coming from her mother. I felt awful about it but eventually we didn't go because my eldest was really excited about it and it just seemed really unfair to him.

I also think, given they fucked up, they should have found space for them.

I didn't send a card or gift. Now their day will always be tainted in my eyes and in the eyes of a lot of people in my family.

A lot of families are spread apart these days so if there's a wedding it's a great opportunity for the kids to see everyone & feel included.

If you're in love then why wouldn't you want those who love you there? Surely if a kid makes a bit of a noise during the ceremony it's not that big a deal? They can always be taken out if it gets too bad. The point is to celebrate your love surrounded by friends who wish you well. Why piss people off by making things difficult for them?

[CelticPixie]

It's just not always financially viable for people to invite children to weddings. It's up to the couple getting hitched at the end of the day, but I never fail to be amazed at how precious some parents get over this kind of thing.

I went to a family wedding last year, no kids invited, fine by me. Not by others though, one cousin got very arsy because his kids had not been asked meaning that he couldnt go, and then when he saw some photos on Facebook and saw children there and made lots of digs about how kids had been invited just not his. The kids who where there were the bridesmaids and pageboys! Another brought their child to the night do anyway because they had no child care for the evening. Harsh as it sounds, tough, its the couples day and they can do what they want.

[MrsBucketxx]

no kids shoukd mean just that no exceptions brides maids included,

would they mot cause the same amount of fuss, trouble.

[mrsjay]

No bridesmaids paige boys allowed is a bit harsh maybe they are the children of the B n G or nieces nephews, friends and relatives children are different, imagine the cost if each person brought 1 or 2 children each

people can invite children or not just baffles me why some people get so precious and upset about it