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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect DH to feed 9 year old DS

39 replies

wangle99 · 04/03/2013 21:20

DH agreed he'd get himself and DS dinner as I was going out. I normally wouldn't trust him to remember but after a big conversation today which DH said I'm overbearing will never let him do anything etc i was quite happy to let him do this as I wouldn't be home to 'interfere'

Just got home and he said he 'forgot'. DS is 9 wheat/gluten/dairy intolerant and very underweight. He doesn't think of eating and it is important to make sure he eats sufficiently.

I am livid.

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 04/03/2013 21:27

So did DH not eat either? Does he have similar food issues to your DS?

Original poster
wangle99 · 04/03/2013 21:28

DH was eating toast when I got back. He does not have similar food issues.

OP posts:
AuntyJ · 04/03/2013 21:30

Didnt DS say he was hungry?

rubyslippers · 04/03/2013 21:30

Wouldn't your DS prompt his dad or grab himself something?

LineRunner · 04/03/2013 21:32

That's pretty crap tbh.

Is your DH underweight as well?

Original poster
wangle99 · 04/03/2013 21:32

No DS doesn't and DH knows this. dS is very scrawny with no fat on him at all Sad

OP posts:
OpheliasWeepingWillow · 04/03/2013 21:34

WTAF? That is neglect!

AThingInYourLife · 04/03/2013 21:34

He forgot to give a 9 year old dinner?

That is really, really shit.

Jesus.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 04/03/2013 21:34

Shock how can someone forget to feed their own child???

MrsMushroom · 04/03/2013 21:35

It's not quite neglect unless the DS was much younger or couldn't ask for some reason.

It's a bit shit...how could he eat toast knowing DS hadn't had anythign?

OP...didn't DS ask for something?

AllOverIt · 04/03/2013 21:36

That is shite.

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/03/2013 21:36

I can appreciate that your DS wouldn't pester for food, but your DH ate, so had felt hungry himself. So yes, on feeling hunger that should have prompted him to feed DS, since he had agreed at some point to do the dinner.

" I normally wouldn't trust him to remember but after a big conversation today which DH said I'm overbearing will never let him do anything etc"
So his memory is an ongoing issue?

MrsMushroom · 04/03/2013 21:37

Ah I see you put that DS does'n't think of eating. In your shoes OP...I would be telling DH that he's got to sort things or else. I couldn't be with a man who could not care for the basics.

However....DS needs to be told how important eating is and reminded that he must eat regularly at the same times.

How will he cope when he's at Uni and things? It's not that far away.

YourHandInMyHand · 04/03/2013 21:38

I'd be furious.

Smartiepants79 · 04/03/2013 21:38

How exactly do you forget to feed your own child?
Is he feeling suitably guilty?
No more whinging about you being 'overbearing' then!

Yfronts · 04/03/2013 21:39

What did your DH say about it?

Chandon · 04/03/2013 21:39

Oh this is rubbish, isn't it?

My DS is like that, never ever asks for food just starts to quietly fade in the background and even fainted a few times.

Whereas DH can just forget and skip meals, so he cannot. Get his head around this. Though by now he has figured it out...

StuntGirl · 04/03/2013 21:42

What the actual fuck?

I have no words for this, your husband is an actual, monumental twat. What a shitty parent.

Original poster
wangle99 · 04/03/2013 21:43

dH response is 'well what do you expect me to do about it'

We are working with DS on this, he's just had a growth spurt and now his trousers are hardly staying up :0(

And this my friends is why I can't trust him. Am so mad have come to bed as trying to talk to him is getting nowhere.

OP posts:
MerryCouthyMows · 04/03/2013 21:51

WTAF?! 'What do you expect him to do about it'?!

Erm, feed his fucking son, duh!

If he eats, he needs to feed your DS. It's NOT 'forgetfulness', it's selfishness that he couldn't even be arsed to think about his own DS.

FFS - I have memory issues caused by both my epilepsy and the meds used to treat it.

Still doesn't mean I would forget to feed my DC's, even if they didn't ask for it (which my DS2 won't either, and my DS3 can't)

He has had the best part of a decade to get used to the fact that he needs to remember to feed his child as well as himself. So WTAF?!

Just selfishness IMO.

OpheliasWeepingWillow · 04/03/2013 21:53

I stand by my neglect comment. Seriously... Your DH is totally out of order

WhereYouLeftIt · 04/03/2013 21:55

"dH response is 'well what do you expect me to do about it'"
Erm - feed him NOW?

What a shit response Sad - the sort of thing you'd expect from a sulky teenager, not an adult/parent. So, not just a memory issue, but also a matter of taking responsibility for his own actions?

LemonBreeland · 04/03/2013 22:00

What do you expect him to do? Seriously!

Clearly you expect him to be a parent and feed his child. I would be beyond furious.

Shakey1500 · 04/03/2013 22:03

And he has the cheek to say you're overbearing?

I'd in no uncertain terms explain that this is exactly why you feel the need to remind him of the bleedin' obvious. And that, because he's such a twunt, he's just set you back x amount of time in the "overbearing" stakes.

StuntGirl · 04/03/2013 22:20

A man who does not care about his own child is a man I could not stay married to I'm afraid :(