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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Letting the phone ring for ages.

54 replies

MrsKoala · 04/03/2013 18:05

I have a few people in my life (1 friend and my parents, altho Mum is getting better) who call up and let the phone ring and ring for ages. I have a small baby and am often upstairs in the shower or baby napping, and they let it ring and ring. The friend even rings repeatedly every 3 mins or so till i answer. When i do they are indignant if i am annoyed and say something, and I have had responses such as 'fuck you then, i'll never call if i'm such an inconvenience' and then phone slam.

If i call someone and they don't answer within 4-6 rings i hang up.

So aibu to think it's rude to let the phone ring for ages? And can you buy house phones you can mute? I keep my mobile on silent because of them, but they just ring the house phone. It has never once been important btw.

I have spoken to these people numerous times and they are adamant i am being weird.

OP posts:

lollilou · 04/03/2013 18:06

Get an answering machine.

SandStorm · 04/03/2013 18:07

Mine goes to answer phone after 4 rings. Could you get one like that?

BadgersRetreat · 04/03/2013 18:07

you need an asnwering machine

BadgersRetreat · 04/03/2013 18:07

grr x post (twice)

LaurieFairyCake · 04/03/2013 18:09

I don't think it's rude to let it ring, some people take ages to answer and there's nothing worse than getting out the shower, sprinting to the phone only for them to be gone.

This I'd why I don't have a landline anymore that's plugged in, and when I did I have an answering machine.

foxache · 04/03/2013 18:09

They maybe giving you time to get to the phone. But in general, yanbu, it's annoying. My rule is usually 10 rings, then I give up.

Have you got 1571? Ours clicks in after 6 rings I think, and an answering machine could also do this (if they still exist).

Original poster

MrsKoala · 04/03/2013 18:10

i used to have one but hate them because i would end up with 18 messages saying 'where are you' in increasingly angry tones. i just want a phone which flashes instead of rings. does that even exist?

OP posts:

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 04/03/2013 18:12

I have a house phone with answering machine which cuts in after 6 rings. It's a family joke I never hear my mobile phone ring even when it's not in the bottom of my handbag or down the side of the sofa.

I don't like it when callers take ages to speak - I tend to assume it's some mass dial up cold call so your friend and parents would hate me, SLAM.

catlady1 · 04/03/2013 18:13

My house phone has a mute switch on it, it's an ancient BT one though. I don't think it's particularly rude to let the phone ring for a long time, to be honest sometimes I'm glad people do because I always seem to miss phone calls. But to keep ringing is definitely not on - if you wanted to talk you could call them back, obviously if you don't answer and don't ring back you're either out or busy anyway.

Original poster

MrsKoala · 04/03/2013 18:13

but that's the thing that i think is rude. it's only ever for a chat so why would they be giving me time to jump out of the shower, grab a towel, run downstairs, etc, just so i can say 'i was in the shower can i call you back'. i think it's weird. surely you don't want to bother someone that much?

OP posts:

CruCru · 04/03/2013 18:15

I usually hang up after 8 rings.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 04/03/2013 18:15

I think you have a rude friend to be honest.

My mobile is always on silent, oops..

Original poster

MrsKoala · 04/03/2013 18:16

okay, but if someone had specifically said, 'please don't ring longer than 6 rings, the baby may be sleeping and i'm grabbing a bath etc' would you just carry on?

OP posts:

Mogandme · 04/03/2013 18:16

I only allow 3-4 rings and my friend goes batty at me as she was upstairs and by the time she's run downstairs I've rung off - can never win

Crinkle77 · 04/03/2013 18:17

If you're having a nap why don't you just unplug the phone for a bit?

Meringue33 · 04/03/2013 18:17

This is why no one has my landline number! I hate people who do this. You may have to change your number or get rid of it entirely. People don't change sadly!

catlady1 · 04/03/2013 18:18

True! The only person who really calls me to chat is DP on his way home from work, he tends to ring for ages but I know it's him if it's at a certain time so if I'm busy I don't leg it to the phone anyway. But if I'm expecting a phone call from someone else I often wish they'd give me longer to answer! Could you unplug the phone when you're busy or baby's napping? Or get an answering machine/1571?

PopeBenedictsP45 · 04/03/2013 18:18

I find it weird - surely they could text you and say 'please call when you get this' instead of calling again and again.

I hate this idea that we're all expected to be contactable 24/7.

yuleheart · 04/03/2013 18:19

|Get an answer machine, ours rings ONCE and goes to message.

If family need me they ring my mobile

Frettchen · 04/03/2013 18:22

My friend mutes hers (if you can change the ringtones you might be able to turn the volume down/turn the ringer off) when her DS is napping - that way she hears it if it goes to a/phone and can decide whether or not to answer it or just respond to the message when the time is right.

It might be that they have other people who appreciate the repeated calls if they've missed the first call...? I'd call it irritating rather than rude.

nextphase · 04/03/2013 18:23

have you got a switch or if its really modern, can you find a menu of ring tones, and find the least annoying, and turn the volume down?

Original poster

MrsKoala · 04/03/2013 18:25

it's my dad and a friend who are the worst. Mum learnt her lesson after i had a monumental go - i went home from work ill with flu and told her i was going to bed and she called my house, mobile, house, mobile all afternoon. When i got up there were untold messages on machine and mobile asking how i was - erm trying to rest you loon!

One example - My friend asked what time i was landing from my hol last year and at that time repeatedly called my mobile, while i was struggling with the luggage carousel and trying to find a taxi. i had my hands full and kept thinking it will stop any min - which it did, but started again 6 times. Eventually i was so cross i fished my phone out and pressed no, to send busy signal, and he sent a text of abuse saying he was only checking to see if i had a nice hol etc. That's another thing, they get very angry if i send a busy tone - usually when i am at the check out or hv or something.

it's madness!

OP posts:

Flisspaps · 04/03/2013 18:27

Mine has a 'ringer off' button, which is lovely

Just take it off the hook if you're going into the shower or if your baby is asleep.

Your friend, however, is rude.

Picturesinthefirelight · 04/03/2013 18:28

BT 1571. You can choose whether it goes to answer phone straight away or after so many rings.

SPBInDisguise · 04/03/2013 18:32

"I have had responses such as 'fuck you then, i'll never call if i'm such an inconvenience' and then phone slam. "

I'd not be speaking to someone who thought it OK to talk to me like that

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