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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be annoyed at my stepdad?

27 replies

ruledbyheart · 02/03/2013 21:17

Well probably I am but I'm so fucked off.
I fell out with my sister last year as she borrowed money then never paid it back, never bothered with my DC and slagged me off to my mum and stepdad when she found out I was pregnant.

I made a point to my stepdad and mum that I didn't want her knowing anything about me, my dc or my pregnancy, if she was that bothered she has my phone number and I deleted her of Facebook to prevent her seeing pics of my DCs.

Fast forward to today and my stepdad messages me about a pair of shoes I have for sale as my sister likes them, now the only way she would have seen these is to go through my photos on my step dads profile I'm furious, he knows my feelings on her knowing anything and agreed to not tell her anything so why allow her to do this?!

I have now decided I cant post anything about my DC or pregnancy on Facebook as I don't want her knowing which means I cant put anything up for my long distance friends to see.

This comes several hours after finding out my mum who won't ever look after my dc is having my nephew to stay for several days to give my sister a break, so upset that they never bother with me but will bend over backwards for her.

AIBU?

OP posts:
HibernoCaledonian · 02/03/2013 21:21

On a Facebook note, you can change settings so that specific people can't see your posts but everyone else can.

parakeet · 02/03/2013 21:24

Oh just......grow up.

SirBoobAlot · 02/03/2013 21:25

Just delete your stepdad and your mum from facebook. Sounds like you're not exactly close to them anyway.

TheFallenMadonna · 02/03/2013 21:26

I don't think it's fair to involve other family members in your feuds.

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 02/03/2013 21:29

Oh before I'm accused of drip feeding my sisters slagging match included the charming "wtf why is she pregnant again she can't cope with the dc she already has, she'd be better off with an abortion or you nevet know she might miscarry" so I am not unreasonable cutting her off.
She does know my history of not being able to concieve after last dc was born and the fact I was due for a hysterectomy later this year due to complications.

OP posts:
JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 02/03/2013 21:29

That sounds a bit pathetic of you to be honest. He's in the middle of a feud that he didn't cause and probably just wishes you were all friends.

JustGiveMeFiveMinutes · 02/03/2013 21:30

And it's only a pair of shoes FFs.

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 02/03/2013 21:34

Its not about the shoes at all if she wanted them she could have them, its thefact she has been looking through my Facebook on someone else's profile.

I haven't exactly tried to involve the family it was more a case of to keep them out of it don't mention her to me or me to her to keep them from being ranted too from other to the other.

OP posts:
SirBoobAlot · 02/03/2013 21:35

Well she sounds like she is a bitch, yes, but you're an adult. You don't have to engage with them, and certainly don't have to have them on facebook.

MissyMooandherBeaverofSteel · 02/03/2013 21:37

Don't put anything on fb you don't want anyone else seeing then. Its down to you to monitor it and its really unfair to expect others to put themselves out to carry on your feud.

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 02/03/2013 21:43

I dont want no one to see the stuff I post I have friends who live abroad so like to post photos for them, can't unfortunately change my settings so stepdad cant see them as I use my phone and its crap.

Looks like I'll have to un friend him but I feel mean doing it for some reason (although he never bothers with me on there so probably won't make a difference to him)

OP posts:
TheFallenMadonna · 02/03/2013 21:45

Is it worth upsetting your step dad over this?

larks35 · 02/03/2013 21:46

I really think you and sis should try to make up. YADBU to blame your stepdad here. Why don't you show yourself to be the sensible, confident adult here and just make it up with your sis. OK she owes you money and has been out of order, but choosing to dismiss her from your life leaves your mum and step-dad in a difficult position. She now wants your shoes.

If I were you, I'd give the shoes to her (I am really skint so know that would probably hurt a bit), and have a meet up and make up with her. Yes, I'm sure she is a bit of a bitch but she is your family and that does mean something. It would also make your poor parents' life much easier I imagine.

aldiwhore · 02/03/2013 21:49

You have the right to ignore her, I don't think you have the right to insist that you're never spoken about to her. You're being unfair. This isn't your family's battle it's yours and your sister's.

YABU. On all counts.

Your stepfather IBU to mention the shoes, or rather, he's being daft, but he's committed no great crime.

Your sister will hear stuff about you, if you want to 'win' live your life happily without her... if you kick off every time some information about you goes her way, she will just laugh to herself (rightly) that you're getting so het up.

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 02/03/2013 21:51

My poor parents dont have to get involved it all happened last year and I dont mention my sister at all or ask after her, if my sister wants to involve them (she does always has) thats her issue.

I will not make up with her, what she has said and done is unforgivable and I will not be involved with someone so nasty.

I accept I may be unreasonable for being mad at step dad and this is why I haven't said anything to him about it.

OP posts:
squeakytoy · 02/03/2013 21:55

for someone who doesnt mention her sister at all, you seem to know a fair bit about her life, and what she has supposed to have said...

life is too short, and you are both behaving like children..

oldraver · 02/03/2013 21:55

You can restrict your Dad from seeing your photos rather than unfriending him

Original poster
ruledbyheart · 02/03/2013 21:59

How come squeakytoy? The stuff she has said and done is the reason I will not talk to her.
Unless your referring to my nephew staying with my mum which was information offered by my mum and was not discussed as I don't want to know anything about what she does.

OP posts:
sneezingwakesthebaby · 02/03/2013 22:04

This is all very Jeremy Kyle. If you put stuff on Facebook, people will read it. Chances are she will know everything about you anyway as your mum and stepdad will chat with her. If you don't want to speak to her that's up to you but you can't police everybody else.

YABU.

AmberLeaf · 02/03/2013 22:32

I haven't exactly tried to involve the family it was more a case of to keep them out of it don't mention her to me or me to her to keep them from being ranted too from other to the other

But you have, they are bang in the middle of it.

It is really difficult for those 'not involved' in situations like this.

Just a thought though, do you think your stepdad ringing about the shoes was some sort of attempt at getting the two of you speaking again?

aderynlas · 02/03/2013 22:34

Another thing thats sad op is the relationship your nephew and your dc could have will also not have much chance.

CloudsAndTrees · 02/03/2013 22:58

When you talk of 'the stuff she has said and done', what exactly are you referring to?

Do you mean when she made comments about your pregnancy? Because it sounds strange that you know that level of detail about what she said if she didn't say it directly to you.

Or do you mean when she borrowed money from form you and didn't pay it back? That is a horrible thing for her to have done, but not a cut off able offence in my opinion unless it was for a lot of money.

If you mean that she was wrong to have looked at photos related to you on Facebook, then you are binge very silly. Whether you like it or not, she's your sister. It's natural for her to want to look for you if there is something as easy to do it on as Facebook, you are her sister.

JeeanieYuss · 02/03/2013 22:58

I don't think yabu.. Seems to me that people on MN as soon FB gets mentioned the words 'immature' etc etc pop up.
They should respect your feelings about your sis, doesn't mean they have to get involved.
Very sneaky of her to use your step-dads FB to snoop, and insensitive of him to mention the shoes to you.
Whoever said OP should just give her sis the shoes, wth, after the comments she made?
What about the OP's sis apologising for saying the horrible comments first??

JeeanieYuss · 02/03/2013 23:01

Oh and also, how about OP's sis pays her back too! Then maybe OP could build bridges!!

Catchingmockingbirds · 02/03/2013 23:14

What is the issue with her seeing pictures of you? I think that's over the top tbh. You have every right to decide if you want a relationship with her or not but yabu to involve your stepdad in your feud.

How did you find out about what she said about the pregnancy,

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