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Original poster

alcolohic mother relapsed - should I be angry or supportive?

59 replies

funnymummy9 · 02/03/2013 18:20

Okay so here's the story, I'm 16 (& before you ask, this aint my account - just didn't know where to turn to)

So my mum's been a heavy alcoholic for about 5 years, we fought, we argued everything imaginable and 3 weeks ago she went through a detox, everything had been going well, we were happy & smiling and saving up for a holiday. I knew it was very early days but nothing could have prepared me for this today.

She came in today and she was steaming and had a bottle of bacardi and I didn't know how to react so I shouted, swore and screamed at her in floods of tears and poured her alcohol down the drain.

She's told me she hates me but I hope she'll thank me in the morning.

I just didn't know how to react, I'm heartbroken, I don't know whether to be angry or support her and I feel like it's all my fault:( someone help me? Your opinions would be appreciated...

OP posts:
Original poster
funnymummy9 · 02/03/2013 18:36

We don't wanna leave her, and school knows and so do social workers, my younger brother and sisters are all under child protection and they are aware of her problem, but they believe she's getting better and I don't believe her when she says she'll stop again tomorrow. She promised me that time, and time again.

OP posts:
CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease · 02/03/2013 18:36

Asda? Area even.

Hence suggestion of young carers. More of those and practical links with other groups etc.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease · 02/03/2013 18:37

Sadly I remember my mum saying that again and again too. They say whatever you want to hear don't they :-(

Coconutty · 02/03/2013 18:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Selks · 02/03/2013 18:38

You are doing well, but you shouldn't have to deal with this alone, particularly if there are younger siblings involved as well (I know you've arranged care for the youngest two).

Can you talk to your Aunt about what's going on? She must know something if the two young ones are there. Ask her to help you find some support.

Or go and talk to your GP, they could refer you to the right agency.

The other option is that you phone social services. That might give your Mum the wake up call she needs. Obviously that's a big decision but your Mum is not well and she is not coping. Was she in charge of the younger siblings today while she was getting drunk? If so that is a real safeguarding concern. You could ring the NSPCC to talk it over with someone there if contacting social services seems too much at the moment. In fact I'd strongly recommend discussing it with the NSPCC, they might have a good idea of local sources of support for you. NSPCC phone line - 0808 800 5000.

The other organisation is AlaTeen, the part of Alcoholics Anonymous that is for support for teenage relatives of alcoholics. AlaTeen - 020 7407 0215.

Lastly, you have every right to be angry.

I wish you well. Please get support - you don't have to deal with this on your own.

Come back and let us know how you go on.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease · 02/03/2013 18:38

Have you got anyone to talk to yourself about feelings? Either through school or social services?

LayMizzRarb · 02/03/2013 18:39

You don't have to put up with it FunnyMummy.
Your life is just as important and valuable as hers.
You can also ring Childline, they are there 24 hours a day, and it is free to call 0800 1111. They are there to listen to young people who are in danger or who need help. Please call them, they will just listen to you, and if you need help they will know where you can get the advice you need.

Selks · 02/03/2013 18:39

Sorry just saw your last post OP. You must let the social worker know what's going on. That's the only way they can help your mother.

Theoscargoesto · 02/03/2013 18:39

Funny, as has been said, this is not your fault, and it is really tough for you. For support, try ChildLine. They will listen to you and support you. I know you want to make your mum stop drinking, but it is not in your gift, she has to get there herself, and in the meantime you need to make sure that you look after yourself. I think you are fabulous trying to help her and posting here. Take care.

Original poster
funnymummy9 · 02/03/2013 18:41

Well, my younger siblings are involved children's 1st and there advocate worker seems really nice, she said I can talk to her whenever I feel like it so I'll ring her, I have her mobile number. She's currently blasting out music in the kitchen.... -_-

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 02/03/2013 18:42

I'm afraid there is nothing you or anyone else can do to make your mother stop drinking: it's a decision only she can make. What you need to do is focus on yourself and your brothers and sisters - get help and support for all of you. I'm sorry you are in this situation, it must be horrible, but there is help available for you and the other children.

PenelopePisstop · 02/03/2013 18:43

OP first thing to remember is that your mum is ill. She needs treatment from her alcoholism, a detox is not treatment for alcoholism - it's just a medical procedure. She is walking around with untreated alcoholism. She needs to go to Alcoholics Anonymous. Google it and find your nearest meeting, there will be some near wherever you are starting at 7.30 tonight.

She has probably been desperate for a drink all week. There is absolutely NOTHING you can do, expect look after yourself. Pouring her drink away is futile, she can't control it, so you definately can't.

Google Alateen and ring them, they will help you.

No use in shouting and screaming it won't help you and it will just give her an excuse to drink more.

Remember this - alcoholics have feelings of guilt that we ordinary people cannot imagine. She will hate herself far more than you do at this moment.

LayMizzRarb · 02/03/2013 18:44

Is this your mums account my love?

Coconutty · 02/03/2013 18:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CanIHaveAPetGiraffePlease · 02/03/2013 18:45

Did you get throught to the children's first advocate worker? Hope so x

Original poster
funnymummy9 · 02/03/2013 18:47

No, this is the account of a family friend she doesn't use it.

OP posts:
Montybojangles · 02/03/2013 18:47

www.nacoa.org.uk/young-people.html

www.al-anonuk.org.uk/alateen

www.childline.org.uk/Explore/HomeFamilies/Pages/Parentsandalcohol.aspx

I'm so sorry to here you are I'm this awful situation. It is not your fault, or your responsibility. Please look at these links and call a helpline for either someone to chat to, advice or support. Good luck.

JuliaScurr · 02/03/2013 18:48

www.al-anon.alateen.org/for-alateen

I'm the daughter of an alcoholic mother too.

Alateen has online meetings too, which might be helpful

you have made a giant stride forward in naming the problem and seeking help

best wishes

LayMizzRarb · 02/03/2013 18:50

Can you maybe speak to the person whose account it is? They must think a lot of you to have given you the password. I'm sure they would able to help and give you some guidance.

Original poster
funnymummy9 · 02/03/2013 18:53

Naa, she's a lovely woman, but I wouldn't trust her as far as I could throw her (which wouldn't be far, she's a big woman)

I think they were in the process of getting her medication...

OP posts:
Coconutty · 02/03/2013 18:54

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RoomForASmallOne · 02/03/2013 18:55

Can you and your close in age sibling stay with your aunt too??

I know you don't want to leave your mum but there is nothing you can do for her.
She won't stop until she wants to get better and change things.

Do ring the advocate worker and let her help support you.

It is not on that you are having to deal with this.

Original poster
funnymummy9 · 02/03/2013 18:58

Left her in the kitchen, the advocate worker said, if I must stay with her just try and avoid her as much as I can

OP posts:
Coconutty · 02/03/2013 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
funnymummy9 · 02/03/2013 19:06

It is really shit:/ all my friends are out partying, and I need to stay in to look after my flipping mother. It's not fair!

OP posts:
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