to ask how you cope with a newborn and toddler after having cs?

[sweetieaddict]

just that really...I know thousands do it and cope (but would love to know how?)

dh is potentially going to be working away straight after the birth, I will have some help from my family but don't want to rely on them too much and take all their holiday entitlement.

does anyone have any tips on making life easier - how do you get toddler into bath and bed et al if you can't lift? I'm thinking of buying a small table and chair set and giving him his food on there as I won't be able to lift him into the highchair for a while....

i suppose my biggest 'concern' is keeping him entertained inside as he is so used to going out and about every day and gets very bored at home...

thanks in advance.

How old is the toddler? How mobile/compliant are they?

2 and not particularly compliant....

Changing table if you don't already have one. 2YO will have to do more on his own and get used to it, I think it must be as simple as that, now there is a new baby. You need help with bathing unless you can do it while baby sleeps? Have you a shower that you can have with 2yo while baby is in a bouncer in the bathroom with you, perhaps in front of the mirror?

And yes to the table and chair set, anything that will make it easier for you. Bending after c-section is horrid and pushing a buggy up curbs uses the same muscles so can be nasty. Can you let 2YO run about in the garden for a bit each day to give him some space/outdoors time? I have a trampoline in my living room for DD as she loved her jumproo and she can let off steam on that if we are in all day - one of those toddler ones with a bar to hold onto.

And fridge magnets for DD seem to keep her entertained for ages. If you can bear having them all over the kitchen floor then invest in some if you haven't got some already! She also likes using the baby crayloa washable pens on her paper easel which I have in the kitchen which helps me have time to cook.

The main thing is routine I imagine. I think if you can find something that works for you then stick to it, time-wise, and jumble up activities for 2YO. See if you can get him to help take washing out/put it in and carry small things from room to room for you - make it a game and he might even help you out :)

You will be able to go out. Walking helps with elcs recovery, so getting your toddler used to reins might help, and walks will tire him out too. Does he still nap? . Bath for toddler not top priority on a daily basis if you don't have help. We only have a shower anyway. Getting a portable step and asking toddler to climb on to it will help with things like getting into the car or into bed. I also moved mine from the cot into big bed so that I wouldn't have to lift her in and out.

You will find little techniques to manage, although I understand completely that it seems very unmanageable right now. My toddler worked out very quickly that I didn't want to pick her up and was moving more slowly and created all kinds of mischief to make the most of it. She did develop a certain independence though from not being picked up whenever she felt like it.

I had an emergency cs with my DD and my DS who was 8 at the time is disabled. I had no help at all and basically had to just get on with it which I really don't advise as I ended up having a nervous breakdown!

I'd agree with what others have said and don't worry too much about taking your toddler out. Keep him occupied in the house for a while with painting, drawing, videos or playing in the garden just while you heal.

I was able to push my sons wheelchair just a few weeks after the cs but it prolonged the healing, hurt a lot and exhausted me which is why I don't advise taking your toddler out in a pushchair alone.

As for getting your toddler into bath and bed, can you purchase a step and practice with him now getting in and out of the bath and bed with you just supporting rather than lifting?

In hindsight I wish I'd just told everyone how much I was struggling to have received the help I needed. Be aware that people will really want to help you but you need to let them know this. Don't do as I did and just struggle without help as if I'd have just opened my mouth and asked for help I'd have got lots of it!

Thanks for all the advice. I feel really nervous about being in pain and my poor toddler just going crazy inside all day.....I'm even thinking about paying for some help but asides from a cleaner (but would prefer someone for ds rather than hoovering the floors) don't know who or where to start for that.

The thing is ds is so used to being out every day (in the morning) then back home for lunch and nap and then out again in the afternoon that even now if we do spend a day inside he doesn't sleep that well at night as he isn't 'tired enough'. (I may have created a rod for my own back there!)

Get some help. You don't know how well you will recover... I wasn't compos mentis for about a fortnight, as I was on quite a lot of drugs to reduce the pain, & I had an uncomplicated, planned c-sec.

Squirrel away some new toys for the toddler to bring out at times of jealousy/stress / exhaustion etc.

Train toddler how to put tissues etc in the bin; get him to start dressing himself - make it a game... Or at least put jogging bottoms on.

Does your toddler go to pre school/ nursery to give you a break & at least rest a bit?

And don't worry if you live on fish finger sandwiches for a bit. It's not the end of the world.

Sounds like the trampoline idea might work pretty well then!

Getting out twice a day post section might be a tall order.... Can you get some more garden toys? Even if he's just digging the earth with a kids shovel..

Have you got some sort of sling?

I don't want to scare you but I had an elcs and my baby was in scbu for a month so no lifting here . I was in sooo much pain. I had co codomol back to front but honestly it was horrendous . I had a very bad vaginal birth with an episotomy with first dc and it was no where near as bad . It's a huge operation and I would plan round the clock help even if its for the first week . I was up and walking about the next day but no way could I pick up a wriggly 2 year old ... If you do you will make recovery slower and more painful.

We don't have a garden sadly and he's not due to start pre school until 3. I wouldn't be able to drive him there anywhere for 6 weeks anyway and the walk would be too much - it's all starting to sound a bit negative....hope I heal well.

It's not negative, don't worry.

Ask family or friends to take your toddler out for you and if you have to have him with you all day just do lots of drawing, watching television together etc.

• contact homestart and your local college for help around the house (if college has a childcare course they may be looking for placements)
• get as much family help ad you can so you don't have to do a day in charge for a few weeks, I had family staying for 3 weeks and felt up to it after that.
• get your toddler into a bed, able to climb into their buggy and on a normal chair.
• baths can wait until someone else is around to help.

You can do it! It's so hard to imagine how it will work but it does. If you have someone staying in the first few weeks you can get to know the new baby's rhythms and work out a new routine without worry about lifting and housework. Good luck!

And tv is your friend - no guilt for at least 6 weeks!

Try and get a basket/ container to keep nappies, spare clothes (for both) nearby.Fill it up every night, to save you running upstairs every time you need something.I couldn't manage it the whole way around the supermarket the second week, and that was leaning on the trolley, with my mum lifting the baby etc.Try and stock up on big stuff before,and find a freind to help get shopping for you afterwards.Eventually, the baby will fit in with the toddlers routine, and sometimes they will even sleep at the sametime!

It may not be as bad as you fear. I had an ELCS 2nd time round (EMCS first time) and recovery was much faster. Possibly also because I knew what to do with a baby, and knew what was most likely to hurt, so made fewer 'false moves' or unnecessary stretches such as reaching for nappies that I'd forgotten to get ready...

Second time round, we took the train into town to go to lunch and the London Aquarium when DS was 7 days old; DH continued with DD round the Aquarium whilst I took DS to a cafe to feed him. I could lift the carrycot with DS inside off the chassis, carry it up the cafe steps, go back down, pick up the chassis and take that up too, by myself with no problem. Admittedly it would have been nice if just one of the people who pushed past me into the cafe could have helped or at least held the door open... I also took DD to the loo, lifted her on and off no problem. I wouldn't have wanted to carry her any distance but straight-back lifting using the leg muscles was absolutely fine.

We'd already switched DD from a highchair to a booster seat (prince lionheart one) - same sitting height but you don't have to lift the child over the bars as well, so you're not lifting their weight up past your own waist. DD was 2.5 when DS was born and could mostly scramble up by herself anyway, with just a hand to stop her falling backwards. Likewise lots of toddler steps everywhere help!

Pushing the buggy was fine right away, even uphill; I think it's mostly technique. Try to keep your back straight and use your legs as much as possible.

I didn't take any painkillers after the first 24 hours, I genuinely didn't need them. Bit this morning when I discovered DH has been taking the diclofenac For his sprained ankle! Good luck!

Also re driving, check with your insurers but most just ask that your doctor verbally agrees that you'd be able to perform an emergency stop. I was cleared for driving when DS was 14 days. That made life easier.

I second the container of nappies, spare clothes, etc downstairs. In fact DS is now 1 and we still have changing stuff upstairs and down.

Check out soft play times, too, if there's one nearby. We spent a lot of time there in the first three months as DD could run, jump, whatever and I could either sit and watch or leave DS at the side in the buggy if asleep. Our indoor fold-up slide and tunnel got a lot of use as well.

DD had given up her nap before her 2nd birthday, unfortunately, so I never got them both asleep at the same time, but we used DS's naps for extra attention. DD was made muslin monitor and wipes handler. I made stickers for her (address labels with pictures of wipes/muslins) to make her feel important and she undertook her duties very seriously. She still does, to the point that I caught her trying to change DS's dirty nappy by herself a couple of days ago. Until then she was very useful!

You will be suprised at how well you will use other muscles to compemsate for not using your tummy ones. DS1 was a sturdy two year old when I has DS2. My arms, shoulders and upperback became rather toned as did my thighs when I had to squat down, but I did have help for the first two weeks.

Wow you all so sound so organised - off to print off this thread, thank you for all the hints and tips.

But wingding, isn't the thing with lifting after a cs that you shouldn't, not that you can't?

Have you thought about hiring a postnatal doula? They cost about £9 an hour, so similar to a cleaner but will have more idea of the problems you might run into and will be able to help out with baby and toddler as well as offer help with breast feeding if you're doing that or just run the Hoover round and make you a sarnie. Be worth it for a couple of hours at bedtime when you're on your own sometimes.

No I hadn't matilda but good god what a fantastic idea. I didn't even know they were available post birth just thought they were for the birth.

That is exactly what I need - someone clued up and helpful and £9 an hour is very reasonable, I'd either have them first thing in the morning or last thing at night.

Thanks so much (off to google postnatal doula's now)

Feel so much happier now

I had the same gap, was abroad so no help and a dh that was back at work in 2 days! Plus the first day I was out the boss popped round to see where dh was and why wasn't he at work!!!

I drove v quickly after the cs. I had an automatic though. It's up to you how you feel, I drove after 2 weeks. My ds was also used to being out and about.

Ds watched a lot of telly whilst I bf, plus we did reading on the sofa and I filled the bath with toys and stuff and he played in the morning in that. Can you get a taxi to your local toddler group or ask a mum to collect you?

Walks to the park if it's close, plus hide and seek treasure hunt. Get a delivery from tescos with the packof tiny cars and hide them about the living room. He will love to search whilst you bf and shout hot! Cold! Etc.

Can you invite anyone for a playdate? And yes to a cleaner- it's someone to talk to if nothing else.

I used to get ds to stand on the sofa to lift him. Baths- well, he scrambled out with me supporting him. Or had a wipe down like the baby- he loved it:)

Don't stress about bedtime- I used to bf whilst doing stories and we muddles along. I know I helped their close relationship by keeping him with me and not putting him in nursery, plus he choose to refuse a nappy the day we got home:) a toddler racing towards you clutching a potty of wee whilst you lay on the sofa bf and not being able to move quickly is an experience:)

Also your dh can take him out for a walk first thing. If yours is anything like mine was he was up at 6 and dh used to take him out for a run:)

Our insurance didnt even care about docs clearance they said it was up to me, they werent bothered.

try and do whatever you can to get help for two weeks to really rest, and give yourself a really good start with the healing....

if you can do that - you should be able to manage after, but if you push yourself too much in first two weeks you could set healing back.

i dont know if anyone has mentioned it yet but this cot was a life saver for me - arms reach co sleeper, meant baby was right beside me but in her own space so easy when knackered to put baby back, easy for dh to lift baby sometimes, baby happy and more settled, easier to manouvre rather than sitting up and down - and moving about into and out of moses.

peoples eyes glaze over when i mention it - but look at the reviews - most people say they are amazing and worth every single penny.

the doula idea sounds brilliant too....

dont do any housework or washing....steps to get toddler in and out of bath and bath him less if needs be ...he will surive for a few weeks!