to ask how you cope with a newborn and toddler after having cs?

[sweetieaddict]

just that really...I know thousands do it and cope (but would love to know how?)

dh is potentially going to be working away straight after the birth, I will have some help from my family but don't want to rely on them too much and take all their holiday entitlement.

does anyone have any tips on making life easier - how do you get toddler into bath and bed et al if you can't lift? I'm thinking of buying a small table and chair set and giving him his food on there as I won't be able to lift him into the highchair for a while....

i suppose my biggest 'concern' is keeping him entertained inside as he is so used to going out and about every day and gets very bored at home...

thanks in advance.

www.nctshop.co.uk/NCT-Bednest-Bedside-Crib/productinfo/4364/?gclid=CPONjuq83rUCFeXLtAode3gAEQ

www.nctshop.co.uk/Arms-Reach-Universal-Co-Sleeper-Bedside-Cot/productinfo/4367/?gclid=CNL3kvS83rUCFYbHtAod7SsASw

when they finally catch on - no one will bother with moses baskets.

you can get them all over place - ebay - local paper - etc and they retain thier value.

eliza, I have one from ds and it will be getting pulled out again this time! They are fantastic, thanks for the link.

had a google of postnatal doulas and they are about £20 ph. Some stipulate they will only come for a min of 4 hours so will have to ring round and see if any just do 2 hours.

plenty to think about though

No, £20 an hour is ridiculous! Don't know where you are but I've used two doulas, one now in Cambridgeshire (we were both in London at the time) and one in Sussex and I interviewed loads of doulas a couple of years ago in London for my first DC's birth who charged less than £10 an hour for postnatal work. They probably will want to do two hours at a time though I think. Ask doula uk to put a note on their website for you. We found a mentored doula through a doula message board for my second child's birth. They're much cheaper too as they are still training, so that might be worth a go. Failing that though, I still see adverts in post office windows etc for a 'mother's help'?

Ds1 was 22.5 months when ds2 was born. I didn't have any help. I bought a double buggy and took them both out each morning (toddler group, library, soft play, music group, park, friends houses) then home or lunch and a nap - they slept for most of the afternoon and I napped too. I didn't have any problem getting ds1 into or out of his cot. When they woke we read, played or watched tv. It was absolutely fine. You could get an online food shop - we didn't have that facility when the boys were babies!

DS2 was born 21/12/12, DS1 3.3 at time. Cs planned was home on 22nd. DP was off for almost a month as xmas closedown was on top of PL. mainly managed by relying on DP for cleaning etc BUT... I did recover superfast, went walking when DS was 8 days... Thats not a boast, just do as much as you have to, and more if you feel comfortable, know when you need to stop and CBeebies/ easy diners are your friend!

Having a clean house will help morale if nothing else. If you can afford to pay someone a few hours a week, do it. There's nothing to stop you using a babysitting service even if you're not going out to help entertain toddler for a while.

I was driving after two weeks. Lifting is non- negotiable though - you can do damage and set yourself back even if you feel up to it.

You really will be fine. The time will fly and it will be easier than you think. Planned sections are, most of the time, very straightforward.

I found it helpful to remind visitors to make a fuss of toddler.

I cant find the link for you but when I was looking for me I saw a speical mums cleaning service for mums including mums after sections who would only need a few hours for a short period.

I had a 5 year old and a 7 year old and a 10 month old when my twins were born by c section.

I was dreading how I was going to cope when my dh went back to work, surprisingly ok. I bathed the little ones in the sink and used changing table.
I had to use high chair still abd lifting wasa huge issue but I kind of done it really grbtly and slowly, it helped that she was still little.
Things like stickers are a huge time waster for little ones. Dvds and I always got little snack ans juice ready befure feeding the little ones so you won't have to get up and down.
After 2 weeks you will feel human again and will be able to do more. Jyst take everything easy.

I didn't have much help after my EMCS and I didn't cope! I was in pain and miserable for weeks. After my planned cs I roped in my family and barely did a thing for 3 weeks, I was in much better shape for it.

IMO you need to get as much help as possible for the first 2 weeks and do as near to bugger all as you can. Don't get dressed, just rest and potter about. Loads of cbeebies for your toddler, ready meals for all of you and get your family to take your DS out on walks.

I think the replies just show how different everyone it. The thought of pottering around the house in my dressing gown makes me feel ill. The first thing I did the morning after all three of my sections was showered and dressed. Only then did I feel human.

Matilda - the cheapest I can find is £17.50 an hour and she does two hours 10-12 as she has children which wouldn't work for me as I'd prefer the later shift i.e '5-7. Will ask doula uk to post for me....

I'm going to go for a cleaner or ideally post doula as I think I'll struggle without it and it's only a little expense for a couple of weeks. Yes, to all those that say clean house helps you feel better and more in control.

Online shop for food is already planned and all nappies, wipes other stuff from Amazon..

Thanks for all encouragement.

Lots of pain isn't necessarily a given, I had very little pain. What got me through....

1. Teach toddler now how to get in and out of bath with minimum help, then encourage long baths with lots of toys and bubbles so you can sit by bath on chair and feed.

1. Invite lots of friends over with kids in afternoons, one at a time! And insist they clear the toys away at the end. Keeps your toddler amused and you can sit on sofa and feed, prebook!

1. Snacks on floor as a picnic and in dens made with sheets over table...keeps amused.

1. Resist keeping tv on all day cos they zone out and it stops being useful. Sounds ridic but I made note of when fave tv shows were on and scheduled things around them so when we were stuck in all day I could guarantee bits of time where she would be totally absorbed.

1. Toddler in bed and sit on bed and feed baby, tell toddler stories etc. They love this bedtime closeness and couldn't care less the baby is there too. Baby on boob so happy.

Those days bound to the house and garden were some of the simplest and most beautiful days I have ever had with my children.

I taught DS to climb in and out of the bath and his car seat with help/a step.

I've had two emergency cs and didn't find them painful at all. I only took painkillers for the first few days as I didn't need them. Btw I do not have a high pain threshold and almost always take painkillers for a headache!
I was up & about the next day and back to normal i.e doing school run, housework etc within 2 weeks.
It might not be as bad as you think!

If ds is not one to sit in a chair and stay there to eat you can use reigns as straps.

Snacks on the floor a great idea unless you have a dog Ikea do a great circus tent.. DD1 git one for Christmas and it is her special retreat place.

If toddler is 2 you could get doula to drop him at preschool for 2 or 3 mornings - about £6 for 9-12 and toddler may nap after lunch when going to preschool.

I really struggled. DS1 was nearly 5 and started school full-time the week DS2 was born (thankfully for me, but probably not for him).

Top tips:

• Accept any help you're offered. Literally ANY. And learn to ask. :)

• Start encouraging more independence in your older DC before the baby comes. Otherwise, he'll blame associate the baby with everything becoming more difficult.

• Accept chaos. It's fine!

• Do not vac. Just do NOT do it. More cs stitches get burst that way than any other way... Someone else has to do it for 6 weeks or so or you can just live in dust

• Bathe your baby and toddler much less often than people suggest you should. Too much bathing isn't good for littlies anyway. When you do have to bathe the baby, do it in a small bowl that holds less water (so is lighter) than a baby bath - And I used the kitchen sink when I couldn't bend over the bath.

• Create a little 'zone' around the chair you'll BF in, that has books (adult and kids'), drinks, snacks, TV remote, baby wipes, favourite quieter toddler toys, extra cardie, extra cushion, spare kids' clothes, etc. - everything you may need to reach without getting up.

• If you have a couple of months to go before you're due to give birth, get as fit as you possibly can beforehand. Your speed and easy of recovery will be directly related to your fitness. (I wasn't fit, and so it was harder).

Good luck!

I think your current routine sounds "do-able", within a week of c/s I was able to walk to the park and back - not run around and play, but go and let them run off steam (bubbles were good for this, automatic bubble blower even better!).

Or gentle stroll to shops, have a coffee and then home for lunch.

As for the no lifting, that is a must - but teach toddler to climb onto your bed for changes/dressing. Have a step for bathtime, do all cuddles on the couch etc. High chairs are tricky, see what works for you in getting them in/out.

It seems daunting, but it will be fine.

I had 13 months between mine and both Sections, first emergency and the 2nd elective. We taught my eldest to slide down the stairs backwards on his tummy so I didn't have to carry him - he crawled up by himself too and we moved him into a toddler bed with a gate on his door so I didn't have to lift him into the cot. Luckily he started walking just before No2 was born so he could go out the back garden and play while I sat on a chair in the garden feeding No2. He was tall so was able to climb onto the sofa and into the buggy more or less by himself with just a hand to support him. I didn't worry too much about baths tbh - if my OH wasn't there then he got a strip wash or a hose down in the shower :o. Nappy changes were probably the most awkward but I found that I could just put his mat on the sofa on do him there. You heal pretty fast though so it didn't seem too long until I was able to pick him up - he was a big lad too.

I had a 18mth old and cs.
Make sure you keep up the pain medication - dont wait until it really hurts.
Try to move arOund regularly - staying still makes recovery worse.
Baskets of wipes and nappies everywhere.
Tv is your friend
I was pretty much ok (not normal but ok) after 7 days, driving after 14 days.
Puzzles, colouring,
Get him involved with the baby

You might be absolutelt fine. Xx

Do try to get help, and take up any offers from others to take your toddler for a few hours. But try not to worry too much, you will get through it and recovery really varies. I had my mother around for two weeks, and my other child was 3 so less dependent, but I was pleasantly surprised at how quickly things got back to normal.

I've had two EMCS, first was awful & didn't heal for months (had infection etc), second was amazing in comparison. Two days after I ran after my toddler, grabbed him & picked him up. Don't recommend it but honestly I was fine.

My advice is, get your toddler walking now-mine was 23 months when his brother was born & hadn't been in a pushchair for months. Turns out my comfortable speed for walking after CS wasn't much different to his speed & meant he slept well after. Also, I introduced tv for what I thought feeding time might be-meant he didn't notice or miss out.

Most importantly though, as long as it is not dangerous your house doesn't need to be clean & tidy, nor does your child... :-)

Good luck, I was dreading having a second CS & it was actually amazing.

"But wingding, isn't the thing with lifting after a cs that you shouldn't, not that you can't?"

Dunno, really - I was told both times not to lift if it hurt, but if it didn't hurt it was ok. I didn't attempt it whilst in hospital but obviously DD was looked after then anyway. Had DS on the Thurs pm, was walking around with him that eve, showered etc Fri morning, home Friday afternoon. Went to the park Saturday and then things were fairly normal, if taken cautiously. It really, honestly, didn't hurt and healed incredibly quickly, but then the consultant did a great job. First time round was a crash CS, in such a rush they didn't have time to give me anaesthetic first and it took a lot longer to heal - partly from the shock and partly from the fact it was a straight down, rather than layered, incision, and so knitted back badly, plus the registrar nicked some nerves (and left half the placenta in...). Second time, the "procedure" aspect was really no different to having my wisdom teeth or tonsils out, except I had a baby to take home! I was in more discomfort after D&Cs. I was genuinely surprised, having feared much worse. I guess you get the adrenalin and endorphins too.

I went running for the first time when DS was 4 weeks old so it would have been a bit weird if I'd managed that but not been able to lift DD from a static position. Everyone's different though, and births are different too. First time round I didn't manage my first run until DD was 8w old. I got lucky; I know not everyone does, by any means, but I wanted to offer OP some reassurance that it wasn't necessarily going to be worst case scenario, as it seemed that most posters up till that point had had pretty bad experiences.

I think ideally you would have some help for the first two weeks (think your OH should change his arrangements to suit). After that it gets much easier. For instance my GP said he had no idea why 6 weeks was given as the time period for not driving. My insurance company said I was okay to drive as soon as my GP okayed it, and this was much sooner than 6 weeks, more like 3. ELCS is typically much easier to recover from (assuming no complications) than an emergency section.
I don't remember lifting being an issue tbh - I had no trouble breastfeeding. I would suggest bathing 2 yr old less often if the scar is an issue (do what is most important and nothing else in first few weeks) - let two yr old watch loads of telly for instance even if you are normally anti-tv (C-Beebies). Works wonders.
Newborn will sleep quite a lot. I remember coming downstairs on my bottom when I first came home but I thi nk this only lasted a couple of days. It was all much easier than I had been led to believe. Main issue was jealousy of other child but having another adult around in first 2 weeks helped enormously.
Good luck. Make whatever changes make life easier to all your routines and stay in at first.
Getting a cleaner would probably be the most help to you as well, just for a couple of months.