Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think this is really not on (maternity leave)

358 replies

manicinsomniac · 01/03/2013 17:54

Having a baby, having your full time off, coming back for a month then announcing you're 4 months pregnant and will be off again. If you knew you were pregnant (or even trying) should you really go back to work, knowing that your employer was going to have to pay two salaries for one job?

I really don't know if this is standard practice and completely ok or whether it's unfair and cheating the system. It seems unfair and a bit immoral to me.

OP posts:
2048 · 03/03/2013 20:02

Mylittlespuds - just wondering how do you unexpectedly fall pregnant, are they not either planned or not

luanmahi · 03/03/2013 20:03

Ciske this is absolutely right. You're damned if you do and damned if you don't.

I think there is no more important job than giving your children a good start in life. You have the rest of your life to "pay back" what you've taken while on mat leave. I just can't get my head around the idea that you've got to make sure your company is OK before you make the decision to start a family. Your company won't take your personal circumstances into consideration if it needs to make redundancies for example or restructure your department and change your job description. And really that's right because it could lead to certain individuals being favoured over others for reasons that have nothing to do with how good they are at their jobs.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/03/2013 20:10

I really think that the number of parents "playing the system" by having consecutive maternity/paternity leaves is about equal to those "benefit scroungers" with jacuzzis and Sky TV - there might be a few, but we shouldn't build a policy on them.

mylittlepuds · 03/03/2013 20:12

I did. I was relying on, erm, natural family planning Blush.

Had a 15 month old at the time. Had sex once. Once! Used the 'method' we'd used for years (until we decided we wanted DS).

Started a thread on here in fact when period was late, asking if 'natural family planning' was reliable...turns out no, no it isn't!!

Believe it or not I am an educated - sensible - woman but honestly this baby wasn't planned. We're thrilled, but it honestly was a surprise. So it's not always cut and dry. And proper contraception does often fail - a friend got pregnant on pill AND coil.

Luckily work was fine. I have been there donkeys and plan to go back after mat leave as love my job.

Ciske · 03/03/2013 20:18

2048 - I'm not sure how you can play the system on this. You're either pregnant and entitled to maternity leave or you're not. I don't see any moral issues here, it's a right women (and men) have acquired and that we jointly contribute to.

As to planning your family around the needs of the business, if only nature was that simple...

FierceBadIggi · 03/03/2013 20:25

I am on ML, taking the full year. No-one else I know is doing this, thinking of women who are friends/neighbours/colleagues - they have all taken less than a year.

expatinscotland · 03/03/2013 20:27

'I am on ML, taking the full year. No-one else I know is doing this, thinking of women who are friends/neighbours/colleagues - they have all taken less than a year.'

Because they can't afford it!

LittleChickpea · 03/03/2013 20:37

Example of playing the system. Going on ML (arguments sake we say 12 months per leave), knowingly ttc DC2 whilst on ML, going back to work 3/4 months pregnant, then leaving business again after a few months on ML.... And so forth!

Someone could be out of the business 2 or more years and work less than a year. It's so disruptive and makes it difficult particularly in the current climate when businesses are running really lean staffing levels.

mylittlepuds · 03/03/2013 20:39

How is it 'playing the system'? If they're entitled to it they're entitled to it.

LittleChickpea · 03/03/2013 20:48

Well they are knowingly planning not to be in the work place for long. Not saying its wrong but if that's their plan then they should communicate this to the business before coming back so the business can cater for it. No point in us telling clients their relationship manager/ director is coming back only to tell them a short period after they re back that they will be off again. It's disruptive and can be extremely damaging.

I don't understand why some people do not want to have open and honest dialogue with their employers about this. Honest, open communication always results in gaining respect and trust with the employer.

mylittlepuds · 03/03/2013 20:56

So tell your employer you're planning to have another baby?! That would just be weird! My boss would have been very confused, not to mention embarrassed, should a female collegue have kept him informed on her and her partner's family planning!

ceramicunicorn · 03/03/2013 20:58

Ha! Can just imagine the conversation -'hi boss I know I've selfishly been on maternity leave for the last 6 months but planning to have unprotected sex with my husband tonight. Just wanted to let you know about my immorality. Don't worry though, I've had multiple miscarriages and had two attempts at ivf before I carried my ds to full term so you don't need to start bitching about me playing the system just yet.'

LittleChickpea · 03/03/2013 21:00

Why is it wired? Why would he be embarrassed? We would certainly appreciate and respect that level of honesty and thought. It would help us plan ahead for the employee and our clients. It's simply having a grown up conversation.

LittleChickpea · 03/03/2013 21:02

BTW, I had a similarvconversation about this pregnancy with my boss...

2048 · 03/03/2013 21:03

Mylittlepuds and cera...
You just need to work, maybe 12 months before you're 'entitled' to more mat leave. As with anything there are responsibilities attached to rights. It will become more difficult for women of childbearing ages to get jobs with the current perception on mat leave

LittleChickpea · 03/03/2013 21:05

2048, you couldn't have said it better..

ceramicunicorn · 03/03/2013 21:08

Ermm no I'm entitled to get pregnant whenever I want. It makes no difference when I do it. As shocking as it may be notevery woman can choose to have a successful pregnancy at the drop of a hat. I'm hoping and praying this pregnancy goes to plan even if some people clearly aren't as they think I'm playing the system.

2048 · 03/03/2013 21:10

Cera...
You are entitled to get pregnant whenever you want, the debate here is the entitlement to mat leave.

Bogeyface · 03/03/2013 21:11

One of the reasons that women of childbearing age are discriminated against is because of assumptions made by employers based on the very fact that we are debating. If there was more honest and open communication in all businesses about this then I suspect there would be less discrimination, not more. Sadly, nothing will stop the dyed in the wool bastards who will sack a woman for having the temerity to get pg, but a lot of bosses would appreciate the ability to forward plan and would therefore be less likely to think twice about employing a thirty year old (say) with no children.

LittleChickpea · 03/03/2013 21:15

cera this isn't a personal attack on you or your circumstances. This is a debate about womens rights on ML vs the rights of the business to continue with their business objectives. Please do not think we are personally attacking you.

As with any pregnant woman we all wish each other a heathy and safe pregnancy.

People will judge me because I already have plans to be back at work after six weeks.

ceramicunicorn · 03/03/2013 21:15

2048 sorry I've clearly misunderstood the whole thread then. The op is complaining that a woman had the temerity to come back from maternity leave already pregnant. I will be returning to work in a couple of months already pregnant. I've worked for the same comp for 7 years and will return after the birth of my second dc full time. I just really can't see the problem with that.

LittleChickpea · 03/03/2013 21:17

BogeyFace, totally...

WhenSheWasBadSheWasHopeful · 03/03/2013 21:18

littlechick your suggestion about telling your employer you are about to try for a child is insane.

I've been trying since April last year and only managed 3 early mc. I managed to work through all but 1 of them with no time off.

For an unfortunate number of women ttc doesn't go smoothly and the idea of opening up to work about ttc would be agonising for a lot of women.

2048 what if a woman plans her pregnancy beautifully to fit in with your 12 months rule and then goes into labour 2 months early.

I do kind of see where you are coming from if a women gets pregnant over and over again with a very small gap. Can't see it happening in the private sector statutory mat leave is a pittance, if I tried it I'd be completely broke.

TheDoctrineOfSnatch · 03/03/2013 21:19

Bogey, how do you provide employment protection for a would be parent who has disclosed their TTC intentions?

Little, I understand what your view is, I think the number of people who do it knowingly rather than eg forget contraception in bleary newborn haze, think it took medical intervention or nine months of trying for their first so will take a few months... and are therefore surprised themselves is really pretty low.

2048 · 03/03/2013 21:20

Cera...
You just dont see this, you are in the midst of x months of mat leave and you have already planned the next x months. I think there should be a requirement for a period of work between them. This is where the perception of playing the system comes from