to be cross with DH for shouting at DD?

[balroymum]

I'm just not a shouter (secondary school teacher- patience of a saint sometimes!) DH is not usually a shouter but I know a few times he's felt like it. I had parents' evening tonight so DD came to 'help' at the big school for an hour before parents' evening started and DH picked her up. Basically, she's got a bit of a sore bum and was quite upset about it this morning- wriggling away when I tried to clean it and apply cream. She was a bit upset when she left me at school and cried quite a bit when DH brought her home. She has been a bit clingy lately. I phoned home in a break expecting a nice little chat from my happy 2 year old but she was sobbing her heart out. DH said she was upset and I hung up as he was in the middle of changing her nappy. I could tell he sounded like he was a bit stressed so I just sent him a nice, encouraging text saying don't worry, you're fab, put shrek on and have a chocolate biscuit- that kind of thing. Cue defensive texts from him tellkng me to just leave it. What?! When I got in tonight DD said 'Daddy shouted at me' and looked upset. She then said, 'he screamed at me.' I don't like it. DH said that she wouldn't let him put cream on. I reminded him that she was sore. He got all defensive and said she was rolling all over the place. I am fumin! I need to know if it really is bad or if I'm being unreasonable to expect him to be as patient as me. Okay. Just as I finished typing he comes upstairs. He said he couldn't do it tonight and found it stressgul to cope with all the crying. So is that it done?!

I am pretty loud.

I'm louder than DH any day. I'm close to deafening apparently (once played a game with one of those sound registers thingys), my dc would much rather DH shout at them than me. This whole not ok for dad but fine for mum is bollocks and actually reinforces sexism, particularly against women as its teaching that the female are the weaker/quieter/fairer sex so let them shout, but not the big strong man, he mustn't shout as he is actually powerful and intimidating.

I surprised at the number if replies! I did not intend any of my comments to be 'judgy' about parents who shout. It would seem that this is more of a contentious topic than I thought and some people have felt the need to defend their own choices. Fair enough although you weren't actually being attacked. I was talking about OUR DD who, as some posters have recognised, is not used to being shouted at and got very upset. I would nevet presume to know how is best to deal with other people's kids- we are flying by the seat of our pants with our own DD! Not in a helicopter though as tolly81 suggested. We both work full time. Life is great but as you all know, a bit crazy. I certainly don't need to check up on him and wouldn't have the time anyway. My phone call wasn't to check on him I just wanted a little chat on the phone to my DD. I miss her when I have to stay until 7pm. And yes, on reflection I have worried a bit too much about this. Was exhausted last night. Right now DD and DH are having a tea party downstairs and noone is stressing out. I think I will take thebody's advice: draw a line under it and have a nice weekend. Hope you all have a lovely weekend too

Is she your pfb? I never shouted at mine till he was 2.6 and acquired a little sister. Combination of him not being a baby any more and the increase in workload and sleep deprivation meant I did...not often, but when he was being particularly naughty and I was particularly tired. Am not proud of it but don't think it is the end of the world.