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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel that my tutor was inappropriate

49 replies

Goldchilled7up · 28/02/2013 17:19

Not sure if I'm just being sensitive as I've had quite a bad day, or if my university tutor was being an arse and total inappropriate. I suspect the later as I got quite upset and I'm still shaken by it.

After a lecture today

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 28/02/2013 17:23

What actually happened?

littlewhitebag · 28/02/2013 17:25

You need to tell us what he did/said.

HecateWhoopass · 28/02/2013 17:26

I suspect they posted too soon and it's on its way.

YouKnowNothingOfTheCrunch · 28/02/2013 17:26

I'm guessing this was an accidental post too soon. Take your time Gold.

Original poster
Goldchilled7up · 28/02/2013 17:31

Sorry, pressed post too soon.

After a lecture today, I stayed behind chatting to one of tutors about career prospects. I'm on my 30's and training for a degree that will lead to a professional qualification, I'm doing a career change. I've been working in the fitness industry for the past 15 years.

We were talking about gaining work experience and interviews. I said that although being what might not seem relevant experience, some skills I have gained as a personal trainer will be very transferable to my new career. To which he responded, well some people might view it like that but others might wonder about you know ..personal trainers and therapists can be a cover up to other things BlushAngry and he carried on saying, they might wonder if you'll continue to train people on lunch breaks and not be dedicated to a new career.

I was shocked and embraced and couldn't say much in reply, as he was saying people may think, not him.

I didn't show it, but was nearly in tears. Just got defensive saying,

OP posts:
CatelynStark · 28/02/2013 17:35

What? So 'some' people think that personal trainers and therapists are prostitutes???

What an arse!

MammaTJ · 28/02/2013 17:36

He thinks that, not other people. He is a dick!!

It's not like you were saying you were a massuese.

Seabright · 28/02/2013 17:36

"Other things"? Is he implying that personal trainers are often prostitutes? Or am I way off the mark?

MrsCosmopilite · 28/02/2013 17:36

He sounds like an idiot!

Sorry - realise that's not much help.

What are you studying now? I don't think his opinion of what other people may think is relevant. If you can determine skills that are transferrable/similar that's something you can push at interviews - as long as you can justify them.

Hope you're feeling a bit better now.

MeSoFunny · 28/02/2013 17:37

an unreliable prostitute at that.

BalloonSlayer · 28/02/2013 17:38

Are you sure that's what he meant?

Could he have just meant that people might think you would keep doing personal training on the side?

littlewhitebag · 28/02/2013 17:38

I am struggling a bit to understand what you mean. Was he being flippant and light hearted suggesting that personal trainers and therapists might use their jobs as a cover to hide what they might be up to?

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 28/02/2013 17:38

Wow, what a dickhead, hes almost implying you might have been a prostitute, i might be wrong but WTF!!

MeSoFunny · 28/02/2013 17:40

the second comment suggests that he meant that you'd want to continue the training and be an unreliable candidate for a job. Is that how you heard it? Or did you assume he was referring to you being a sex worker? Your impression is key here.

Original poster
Goldchilled7up · 28/02/2013 17:40

Oh not again, I'm in my phone and pressed post again.

I got defensive and responded by saying, really I find that odd, well I have a track record of places where I have worked and client testimonials.

I'm still shaken Sad. Do people really think that personal trainers are a cover up for prostitutes? Blush

I'm already going against the odds, being older, foreigner, not privately educated, no contacts, with a child... The last thing I need is for prospective employers to think that I'm a prostitute. Angry

It got me very self conscious, is it my look? I usually wear jeans and jumpers to uni, not any reviling clothes and my make up is quite neutral.

I'm I being sensitive and he meant no harm, or should I complain?

OP posts:
SolomanDaisy · 28/02/2013 17:41

I'm a bit confused, but I think it might just have been a joke that went wrong, without necessarily having any of the prostitute meanings behind it. But I might be misunderstanding.

SolomanDaisy · 28/02/2013 17:43

Seriously, no one is going to look at personal trainer on your CV and think 'cover for career in prostitution'. No one. Which is what makes me think that can't be what he meant.

Original poster
Goldchilled7up · 28/02/2013 17:43

He did mean prostitute as he said, you know because although its not illegal per say, it is for tax purposes and people pretend to be other things Angry

OP posts:
fromparistoberlin · 28/02/2013 17:44

Do people really think that personal trainers are a cover up for prostitutes?

NO, but....I know alot of people that have shagged them PTs

a few unscrupluous ones

But not therapists, jesus !

MeSoFunny · 28/02/2013 17:44

Okay, this is what I would do. Confront him about it the next time you see him and ask him to clarify his point. Explain that the impression you got was extremely inappropriate. Give him a chance to clarify or apologise (which he is very likely to do) Then depending on his response decide whether you need to take it further.

If face to face confrontation is too embarrassing, maybe send an email? Although I would probably find that harder because you'd still need to see him in person.

EmmelineGoulden · 28/02/2013 17:44

Several decades ago, "massage parlours" were often considered fronts for brothels. But I haven't heard anyone make that insinuation in many, many years. And I've never heard it about a personal trainer, only a masseuse.

Your tutor sounds like an ass and it might be worth talking to the women's officer at your uni about him.

Original poster
Goldchilled7up · 28/02/2013 17:45

He does make sexual jokes in class, but to the group.

OP posts:
MeSoFunny · 28/02/2013 17:45

Did he use the word 'prostitute'?

Original poster
Goldchilled7up · 28/02/2013 17:48

I don't want to confront him as he'll be marking my coursework for the next few years, and I normally get good marks on his module. I'm thinking if I should speak to the course leader, but ask for him not to say anything to the tutor, so that he knows in case he ever gets inappropriate again.

OP posts:
anonymosity · 28/02/2013 17:50

He sounds like a complete arse and what a fool to say that to you. You can report him as its highly inappropriate and intimidating or you can step back and forget it.

I would have been deeply offended by such a suggestion and I don't think you need to examine your appearance or be self-critical. This is no reflection on you, its just a reflection on this man being completely and utterly unprofessional and a bit of a tit.

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