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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get irritated by competitive 'busy-ness?'

70 replies

Murphy0510 · 28/02/2013 11:12

Yep, we get it. You're busy. Why the need to tell people about it? If I hear one more school mum tell me how very busy they are I shall scream! We're ALL busy!

OP posts:
redskyatnight · 28/02/2013 11:19

Some people like to justify their existence by proving how much they do.

And some people aren't busy.
Today I'm not busy.

N0tinmylife · 28/02/2013 11:21

Why does that bother you? Maybe they are trying to explain why they can't stop and chat, so they don't seem rude?

mrsjay · 28/02/2013 11:22

It drives me up the wall I need to dash im so busy god im exhausted cos ive been soo busy or just rushing past with busy-ness Grin

Bunfags · 28/02/2013 11:22

I have a friend who is unable to just have a lie in at the weekend and have a duvet day. She says she feels too guilty, but she doesn't even have DC. A lot of people seem to be like this, but once you're an adult, it's up to you how you spend your time after you've dealt with responsibilities. Nobody is looking over your shoulder tutting because you have your feet up on the sofa with a good book.

mrsjay · 28/02/2013 11:22

although at work yesterday I was sort of trying to look busy so I dont have to wash dishes Blush

mrsjay · 28/02/2013 11:23

that is my mum funbags it is soul destroying just chill out mother

Original poster
Murphy0510 · 28/02/2013 11:26

I was thinking of one friend in particular really; she is a perfectionist and puts a lot of pressure on herself but also seems to want to tell everyone, all the time, how busy she is and what she has done. This morning she told me that she's made scones today, done all her ironing and was just off home and was in such a rush as she's just so very busy.

OP posts:
Bunfags · 28/02/2013 11:26

I have no issues with taking time out. After being diagnosed with bipolar and having a period of serious physical illness I saw how important it is to rest and deal with stress. There's nothing to feel guilty about at all.

My friend's DH doesn't help. He is unable to just chill out around the house and has to drag her out with him.

Fakebook · 28/02/2013 11:27

Maybe they really are busy? Or maybe they do what I do and use the "busy card" to get out of situations/doing things Wink.

whistleahappytune · 28/02/2013 11:28

Yes OP you're right. It seems to now be the default response to "how are you?".

mrsjay · 28/02/2013 11:28

I do and use the "busy card" to get out of situations/doing things .

see upthread fakebook Wink

mrsjay · 28/02/2013 11:30

I am a hypocrite because I do it but it still drives me daft a freind is really a busy person but she rushes about so much that s he has to double back as she forgets to do something pick something up phone somebody IYSWIM, so does double the work because she rushes

Original poster
Murphy0510 · 28/02/2013 11:30

Fake book,I don't suggest doing anything to these people, they are just acquaintances. They just volunteer the information that they are so incredibly busy. Like whistle said, it is default response to being asked how they are. The mum this morning just came up and told me what she had been up to and how busy she was!

OP posts:
dreamingbohemian · 28/02/2013 11:30

YANBU this drives me crazy

Fair enough if you are busy and happy -- my MIL, for instance. She had 4 kids in 4 years and while they are all grown now, she literally cannot stop and relax. But she doesn't moan about it, she just likes to keep busy.

But I have friends who are so busy and like to complain about how they are so busy but it seems to me they could easily be a lot less busy if they actually wanted to. I don't get it.

kimorama · 28/02/2013 11:30

I ran round my living room today (twice) Rest of day feet up

Original poster
Murphy0510 · 28/02/2013 11:31

I too use the busy card if I'm invited somewhere I don't want to go, don't we all? I don't volunteer the info though and 'busy' isn't my standard response if someone asks how I am

OP posts:
ZebraOwl · 28/02/2013 11:47

I know some people use "busy" as a cover for feeling stressed or being miserable. Some people - often SAHM who feel on the defensive against the What Do You DO All Day crowd - feel compelled to talk about how busy they are to justify themselves in some way.

There are, however, also those who froth themselves into a lather of Competitive Business, usually with relation to their children & how exceptionally accomplished they are: it's not enough to timetable an insane amount of extra-curricular activities for your child, you have to TELL EVERYONE ABOUT IT. Very loudly. Involving as many decidedly unstealthy would-be stealth boasts about their prowess. Much as I am sure for many people that involves a tangle of insecurities & burning desire to do the best they can for their child, it still makes me want to gag them with their own overfilled diaries.

Of course, there are also people who flat-out lie about how busy they are. Sometimes it's to avoid doing things, but I do know people who mostly do it to show off & try to make themselves look like they are incredibly super-popular. Again, people are insecure etcblah but could they not keep their neuroses quietly to themselves like most of the rest of us do...?

KobayashiMaru · 28/02/2013 11:49

Its just small talk, something to say. Who cares?

pussollini · 28/02/2013 11:50

I hate it more when sales people use it on you - I know you're really busy but can i have a few minutes of your precious time to tell you about.... No, I'm not busy, I'm watching homes under the hammer and I'm still not going to buy whatever it is you're selling

Original poster
Murphy0510 · 28/02/2013 11:54

It's just irritating.

I really don't want an itinerary of someone's day when I ask them how they are out of politeness. And those who volunteer details of their extreme busy-ness are worse

OP posts:
LadyBeagleEyes · 28/02/2013 11:57

I'm not working at the moment and have a teenage son so I'm never busy.
I love it, I can MN and watch crap morning telly.

atthewelles · 28/02/2013 11:58

It drives me mad in work as well. There is always one person who is frantically busy all the time, whose desk is covered in towers of files and spreadsheets because they're so busy they just can't get around to everything; who was there until 8 o clock last night because they're so busy.
Yet, if you actually watch a lot of those people they spend more time faffing around making mountains out of mole hills, getting involved in stuff that has nothing to do with them, and turning phone calls that anyone else would deal with in five minutes into marathon sessions that actually doing the job they're meant to be doing.
It is strange how, when they leave, the person who takes over the job seems to manage it perfectly fine without having to stay late, cover their desk in files and papers and moan all the time about how stressed and busy they are.

ppeatfruit · 28/02/2013 12:07

pussollini Grin Lol I sooo agree

Original poster
Murphy0510 · 28/02/2013 12:08

I once had a colleague a bit like that, Welles.
In the end everyone was given little parts of her job, so effectively halving her workload. And she was still really busy! She also used it as an excuse to be snappy and abrupt with people, as she was allegedly very stressed.

OP posts:
WillSantaComeAgain · 28/02/2013 12:16

It pisses me off when their list of busy-ness shows that actually they're not busy at all. But I'm sure it's people just trying to cover there own insecurities, which we all do from time to time, so I try not to get too wound up by it. and i also recognise that's its jealousy on my part because I wish my busy was going to the gym, getting my nails done, baking a cake and taking DC to ballet, rather than dealing with all the crap that lands on my desk at work that other people are too lazy to do