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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU when meeting new people, to judge them by the way they speak

110 replies

PennyBrowne · 27/02/2013 20:51

When meeting new people, I tend to listen to the way in which they speak, and then make a judgement- however the judgement shows with a snobbish face which I unfortunately inherited from my mother.

This is the latest scenario:

I have recently been skiing with my DH and DC along with friends who we regularly travel with. My friend this year introduced us to her new partner, whom I instantly disliked! Firstly, upon meeting the chap he called me 'babe' 'sweet haart' (pronounced as spelt) and speaking like a cockney, I felt like I was on an eastenders set! Personally it triggered all kinds of snobbish reactions for example when he asked me 'do ya wanna drink' I sharply replied 'NO THANK YOU'. In addition he repeatedly arranged his .... and sat with his legs so far apart that when I was made to sit next to him I found my self crossing my legs so tightly that my nose and lips looked like old raisons; obvious I was disgusted.

My friend confronted me about the issue- and I told her I thought he was not good enough for her, bearing in mind DF is a solicitor and is very elegant. It did not go down very well at all- and now we're not speaking.

DH told me that it's becoming an issue, since whenever I meet new people who I dislike my Mother Snob comes out! It's so embarrassing but I cannot seem to stop!!

Am I being an unreasonable snob or am I being fair?

Advice??

OP posts:
PennyBrowne · 27/02/2013 22:04

This reply has been deleted

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FadBook · 27/02/2013 22:06

If this is real OP, then you need to honestly consider if you want to change how you come across.

I've re read your OP and you said your snobby mums face comes out and it did come across that you want to change. but follow on posts suggest not, that its a joke to you. So if you want to change that, then change it. A bunch of people behind a keyboard can't physically stop you doing that other than telling you not to do it.

Regardless of the person annoying you or irritating you, they are still a person with feelings, and your judgement is hurtful, patronising and rude.

If you have been brought up correctly, then you would have been taught manners and it isn't good manners to turn your nose up at people or "judge a book by its cover".

You may be right that this man isn't right for your friend, but it isn't your decision or opinion that counts.

Damage limitation, a bunch of flowers to your friend and a card with a "I'm sorry for not being the friend I should be" note.

HTH

Salmotrutta · 27/02/2013 22:07

Your keypad is French?

I bet it has an elegant little Hermes scarf and everything...

Salmotrutta · 27/02/2013 22:08

Miaow OP.

Poor Dawndonna Sad

Dawndonna · 27/02/2013 22:11

Sweetie, it's a pun, I'm hardly likely to use my real name here.

KarlosKKrinkelbeim · 27/02/2013 22:14

I think her problem is she fancied the boyfriend. The obsession with what he was doing with his penis betrays her. I think you should shag him, OP - it'll do you a power of good.

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/02/2013 22:15

Oh dear,

Was your mother a dreadful social climber who had an obsession with anything she deemed to be posh, as a child were you never allowed to play with the kids on your street just incase? Was there rather more concern about what those outside your home thought about you than is strictly needed?

All these things would lead to the behaviour you describe and would take a huge amount of work to fix.

I'm not exactly sure what concerns you about the reaction you have towards others, is it the lack of dignity you show or the lack of manors? Are you concerned somebody will work out that you have no elegance no decorum?

I can understand why you wish to change how you behave it must be very uncomfortable to do what you do,unfortunatly amongst those with good breeding looking down on others and noticeably treating people like that is about as classy as leaving a used condom on a table in a train.

In order to change you need to identify exactly why and what before you can see the how.

LiveItUp · 27/02/2013 22:18

Poor attempt OP. Your shocking spelling and grammar belie your supposed upbringing. Hmm

aldiwhore · 27/02/2013 22:19

YABU for judging on the way he spoke alone. YANBU to form a judgement based on everything else.

I do suffer from instant judgement syndrome, but I've learned not to listen too hard to it, even though I may often be 'right' I am also wrong (first impressions count, a bit, second, third and fourth too, but a real fair judgement comes in my opinion from not acting upon these first few impressions and actually getting to know people).

I would not be happily married to my DH if I listened to that first impression minisnob voice too hard.

Bunfags · 27/02/2013 22:19

Sockreturningpixie, I had a similar upbringing and rebelled and became a huge inverted snob. Blush

Original poster
PennyBrowne · 27/02/2013 22:22

My keyboards French since I'm monagasque- my mother wasn't a social climber!!! I was brought up in Monte Carlo and where I come from we don't social climb! I think I subconsciously try to act as my mother does. My mother isn't really snobby she just has high standards; I lost my dad 1 year ago and living in a different country has accumalated into this problem! I know I'm snobby and I'm going to change, but sometimes I don't think it's a negative thing.

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 27/02/2013 22:25

Monaco now?

I feel very low rent...

Fairenuff · 27/02/2013 22:25

is it the lack of dignity you show or the lack of manors?

Hilarious typo Sock

It just keeps getting better Grin

Such fun!

Original poster
PennyBrowne · 27/02/2013 22:25

Aldiwhore that's the most productive opinion/advice I've been given! Thanks

OP posts:
Original poster
PennyBrowne · 27/02/2013 22:27

Where I come from is besides the point..

OP posts:
Salmotrutta · 27/02/2013 22:27

Well, you brought it up.

redlac · 27/02/2013 22:27

Dinnae go oan yon 'I wish I was Scottish' thread then hen cuz yea'll no understaun a cunting word eh it hen

Bet Scottish folk all sound common as muck to you

whethergirl · 27/02/2013 22:27

I know I'm snobby and I'm going to change, but sometimes I don't think it's a negative thing

Either you realise you're an idiot and you want to change, or you don't.

Salmotrutta · 27/02/2013 22:29

Steady now redlac.

Original poster
PennyBrowne · 27/02/2013 22:30

Sorry guys I'm just thinking aloud..

OP posts:
IneedAsockamnesty · 27/02/2013 22:32

It is a negative thing if it causes your family upset
It is a negative thing if it causes your friends hurt

And it is a really huge negative thing if you are unable to tell the difference between tacky vulgar behaviour and having high standards

redlac · 27/02/2013 22:32

Couldn't help myself salmotrutta

thebody · 27/02/2013 22:33

What a boring self absorbed twattish post.

Old money is never snobbish by the way dear, too many dukes weee in related by birth to whores (Charles 1st and Nell Gwynne) their two sons were made dukes.

It's usually new money that's as daft as you.

I suspect you are tongue in cheek though.

apostropheuse · 27/02/2013 22:35

Some of your spelling is awful and you're using words that don't exist - but you don't like how some people speak.

You're obviously not the brightest spark in the box.

IneedAsockamnesty · 27/02/2013 22:47

Faire, it just made me chuckle but was accidental.

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