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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To refuse nursery's request for a dummy?

91 replies

WillowB · 27/02/2013 20:49

10 month old DS started nursery 2 days a week a few weeks ago. So far so good apart from the odd wobble easily solved with a few cuddles...until yesterday. When I collected him his key worker told me that he had refused to nap & cried when they tried to put him in his cot. She followed this up by telling me that later in the day he had managed to get hold of another child's dummy 'which he really seemed to enjoy' Hmm

DH collected him today & they'd had the same problem. Protested every time they put him down so ended up having two very brief naps. Key worker specifically asked if we would send a dummy & has also written this in his diary.

I'm really reluctant to send one as although DS had one for naps when he was tiny, I weaned him off it at 6 months once he could self settle & he doesn't have it now unless its an emergency situation e.g poorly/ wakes screaming in the middle of the night/has a major meltdown in.
I feel it's a bit cheeky of them ask really. What do they do with the babies that have never taken a dummy? My biggest concern is that they won't limit it just to nap time & he will sit there most of the day plugged in (this seems the case with some of the other babies). However I don't want to fall out with them & realise that they have no other means of getting him to sleep (hates being patted or rocked etc).

AIBU?

OP posts:
MrsMcEnroe · 27/02/2013 20:50

YANBU. Your child, your decision re dummy.

IneedAgoldenNickname · 27/02/2013 20:51

Yanbu.

amothersplaceisinthewrong · 27/02/2013 20:51

YANBU. He who pays the piper calls the tune.

quoteunquote · 27/02/2013 20:52

That doesn't sound very good, are there any other nurseries you could look at?

catgirl1976 · 27/02/2013 20:52

YANBU

If you don't want your DS to have a dummy the nursery should respect that

It seems really odd they are trying to force one on him as a prop to get him to sleep

DS never had one and his nursery never suggested one, despite him being a nightmare for fighting sleep and trying to avoid naps

Just tell the he doesn't have a dummy so you won't be sending one

Icelollycraving · 27/02/2013 20:55

Yanbu. I would question a nursery who wanted a baby to have a dummy.
Not using dummies is pretty much the only thing I always knew I didn't want to do & stuck to it.

RedHelenB · 27/02/2013 20:55

Explain your reasons why not but tbh if it means a happier, more settled baby then I personally would. You say yourself thaty he still uses a dummy & I would say a new surroundings like his nursery is an emergency situation the same as waking in the night.

TheSeniorWrangler · 27/02/2013 20:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
WillowB · 27/02/2013 20:57

I get the impression that they think it's odd that he doesn't have one as most of the other babies seem to use them. He does have a cuddly monkey that he uses as a comforter & he takes this with him.
Surely it's normal for him to be a little upset at the moment as he's still settling in?

OP posts:
aPseudonymToFoolHim · 27/02/2013 20:58

Same thoughts as redhelen, it's the same as an emergency if your little one is distressed

Footface · 27/02/2013 20:58

I think that maybe Yabu as he has a dummy in emergencies. He's only been there for 2 days so is still finding his feet. I would maybe give him one with the express wishes that he only has it to go to bed with.

libertyflip · 27/02/2013 20:59

YANBU but if he has one when in an emergency at home, I would send one in for him to have in an emergency at nursery. I reckon, from his point of view, being upset in a fairly unfamiliar place without his family might feel like an emergency. I know you are worried about him having it all the time, but I would prefer this to him being distressed.

I'm pretty sure they gave him the dummy rather than him finding another child's though and if they did and lied, I would be angry.

GetKnitted · 27/02/2013 21:00

he doesn't have it now unless its an emergency situation erm, lets see, you are now leaving your DS with (well selected) strangers. As far as he is concerned this is an emergency, at least until he has settled down there. For the sake of transparency I should say that my DS goes to nursery and I don't give them his dummy, and they know he does have one, but they haven't asked for it.

Footface · 27/02/2013 21:01

I used to work in a nursery and it can be so difficult to get babies to sleep as it such a different environment and once they get over tired it becomes harder, and they end up bring quite distressed for the rest of the day.

Could you suggest rocking of stroking his hand?

Original poster
WillowB · 27/02/2013 21:02

SeniorWrangler , you're right he does find it a comfort which is why I'm torn. I know he would happily sit there all day with it in which is why I hardly let him have it. I would send it no question if I trusted them to use it sparingly but lots of the other babies seemed to have them in most of the time when I took DS for his settling in sessions.

OP posts:
ceeveebee · 27/02/2013 21:02

I think if he'd never had a dummy before then you'd have a good point, but he has only really just stopped using it and is probably very unsettled in a strange environment- if I was you I would rather send a dummy then have him crying for one

CunfuddledAlways · 27/02/2013 21:02

i would say you either need to completely not use dummy at home and at nursery too or send one just for naptimes...

to be honest i would more likely to chuck all dummys from home as you don't really need them - even in an 'emergency'

but then i never even attempted dummies with either of my dd's so i guess it depends on him

Original poster
WillowB · 27/02/2013 21:06

Argh, maybe IABU then. I just don't want him to start crying for it at home at naptime, I was really pleased he seemed to be able to self settle.

OP posts:
13Iggis · 27/02/2013 21:07

My ds1 used his dummy more at nursery than at home, for a while. He would have preferred to be at home, I assume, and needed extra help to comfort himself. Then after a while he kept it in his tray, and would go and get it if he was sad (this was around 2 years though, not suggesting your 10 month old goes off to get it).
Maybe you have to weight up the benefits of him napping against the disadvantages of him having the dummy.

Icelollycraving · 27/02/2013 21:09

Completely missed that one is used at home. Send one in!

Rosa · 27/02/2013 21:10

To be honest if it makes him happy then let him have it...Dd only had it for sleeps and comfort .she gave it up herself 3 days before her (OMG) 4th birthday. She has perfect teeth and is bilingual...

Original poster
WillowB · 27/02/2013 21:11

You're right 13Iggis At least I'd know without the dummy that he would be more likely to be picked up/cuddled when he's upset not just have his dummy shoved in.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 27/02/2013 21:12

he is 10 months, he finds his dummy a comfort. For that reason then YABU not to give it to him. He is in a new very strange situation and if that will make it easier then why not?

Just make it clear that it is only for nap times.

Original poster
WillowB · 27/02/2013 21:14

Just to benchmark how much he uses it, he's had it twice in the past week. Both times at 4am when he woke as he will not be rocked or patted etc.

OP posts:
TheSecondComing · 27/02/2013 21:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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