To say no to my friend using my shower?

[HugeLaurie]

One of my closest friends lives on the same street as me. Her boiler has broken down probably 10/12 times over the last year. It was last fixed a week ago and broke again on Saturday evening.

Each time the boiler has broken over the last year it has been out for two to three days at a time and every time it breaks she asks me to use my shower, either in the evening after I have finished work or before I go to work.

Unfortunately she doesn't just shower and then go home. For example last night she came for a shower and stayed for two hours before she even had her shower. I said that after she had washed I needed to go to bed because I was tired (it was 10.30pm) and she said she wanted a cup of tea before she left, which I made for her. She left at 11.45pm.

I am always in a rush in the morning and have to get me and my son ready for work and school and I haven't got the time to accommodate her showing in the morning.

She has just text me asking if she can bring a bottle of wine over tonight and use my shower again. I have said no, it's not convenient tonight, but I feel guilty. Very guilty.

My boiler has broken several times in the past and I have had strip washes, boiled kettles etc to make sure my son can have a shallow bath and wash his hair.

AIBU to say no if it's not convenient?

[kalidanger]

I don't understand why you can't talk to herOP She's your closest friend!

I would say "Sweets, it's always lovely to see you of course and the shower is at your disposal but just come in for a shower. I've got DC and stuff to do and can you just run in, use it and run out again? We'll do XYZ at weekend but I like (most of) my weeknights quiet"

It's not hard. You didn't confirm whether it not her being 'upset' is actually scary or not...?

[HugeLaurie]

God no! She is lovely and not at all scary! She just doesn't seem to appreciate the fact that I can't sit night after night waiting for her to come and then spending two to three hours chatting and waiting for her to shower. I have told her this but it doesn't seem to register if you see what I mean.

As for helping each other out, she spent two weeks living with me when she split up with her first DH. She helped me after I was burgled. I have sat with her until all hours talking when she was being bullied at work. She is a very, very close friend and I love her to bits. Hence not wanting to upset her. I just want a night to myself tonight. That's all.

[saulaboutme]

Ruprekt, good idea. Bet any money she will hound you down though and not understand what the problem is.
OP she isn't listening to you, some people just don't listen. It's not convenient for her to use your shower any more and mainly because she is intruding and overstaying her welcome. You don't want to upset her, but why should you be upset?
Can't stand people who overstay their welcome!! (See recent posts)

[Animation]

Well if you've established that the boiler really is broken - as I think you have then I'd persevere a bit longer if she's cold and unshowered. Been freezing weather for days now.

[MummyPig24]

Yanbu! My landlord also has a home are agreeing with British gas, our boiler went twice since Christmas and he arranged for a new one to be put in last week. Tell her to sort it out with her landlord!

[KindleMum]

I'm deeply curious about how British Gas price Homecare packages as we're in a similar position to your friend - we're renting a house as we've sold ours and are buying and doing up our next home so renting in-between. Our boiler has broken down 4 times since we moved in in November and looking at the Homecare record, it is over 25 years old and has been breaking down regularly for a long time now. THe LL thinks he's being reasonable as BG come out within 24 hours each time, and to that extent, yes he gets it repaired, and that's good. But to my mind, the premium he's paying must be too cheap if he'd rather have the boiler break down every 5-6 weeks rather than get a new one. Sometimes they're here for 3 hours fixing it.

We're not that bothered as this is strictly temporary for us, but we've just managed when it breaks down, we haven't bothered friends - and I have a 5 and 2 yo in the house.

[Animation]

Yes she does need to sort it out with her landlord. She obviously likes you and your company a lot - I get that impression.