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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think just because this is AIBU it doesn't give you an excuse to be nasty?

43 replies

twentydollars · 26/02/2013 01:41

Just reading one thread (not a thread about a thread I promise Wink )

And the comments ... geez!

  • Pathetic.
  • Bit wet.
  • High maintenance.
  • Attention seeking
  • Sulky.
  • Cats bum face (that expression makes me want to barf!)

Why can people not just say yes YABU because .....

Instead of having to throw out insults and generally just try and kick someone down?

I actually find it as cringeworthy as when you see strangers arguing on a Youtube video.

Just because you cannot see the person behind the screen - they are actually still a person with feelings.

OP posts:
anonymosity · 26/02/2013 01:45

I think its a "lets all jump on the bandwagon" mentality. I see it a lot and then if someone jumps in and says "hey, that's not fair" you get a bunch of followers of that sentiment. Its very predictable and gets a bit boring. Its not just nasty, its a bit, well - sad.

GreenLeafTea · 26/02/2013 01:45

I think sometimes people just say YABU but then the OP starts countering not I'm not and then things start to escalate.

I have no idea if that is the case on the thread you are talking about. Generally I find you might get one or two crazies that are nasty but if there are a lot of people being mean it seems to stem from the OP's attitude.

If you feel it is nastiness I think you should just report it.

BOF · 26/02/2013 01:52

I've read the thread you are referring to, and you are misrepresenting it quite a lot. Most people were sympathetic and supportive to the OP. It shouldn't require a news flash that you get a few wankers on the internet: read a few comments on YouTube or any newspaper site. I find it bizarre that people expect MN to be immune to the general phenomenon of anonymous commentators being ruder than you might like. People are also free to give their opinion and disagree, within site rules.

HecateWhoopass · 26/02/2013 07:14

I haven't read it, (or if I have, I don't remember) so I can't comment on that thread specifically.

But yes, there are some people who like to say unkind things.

That's because this is the internet and there are no consequences for them.

They wouldn't call people such things face to face because they'd lose friends/get a punch in the gob/whatever.

But here - nothing. Worst that can happen is they get a flaming and they change their name and carry on.

I think you see the real person here, where consequence is stripped away.

It's easy to tell who's a bastard and who's not.

(I am talking about unreasonable namecalling just to be mean, not laying into someone who's just declared that they eat babies or something!)

Tee2072 · 26/02/2013 07:18

Hecate you eat babies?! OMG I knew you were a mean one. How dare you eat poor little babies!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm reporting you to HQ for baby eating!!!!!!!!!!!!!!![1]

Or they spectacularly misread something someone has said and insist they are right rather then go back and read what was actually written. See above.

[1]Ouch. I have a headache after a bad night and all those ! are not helping.

Sparklingbrook · 26/02/2013 07:25

You sound charming OP. Grin

exoticfruits · 26/02/2013 07:27

The problem is that most people are not really asking a question, they are perfectly sure that they are in the right, they just want everyone else to agree to validate and sympathise. Often they are glaringly in the wrong and are told so, in a blunt way. It is very rare for everyone to agree, for that reason some people try a reverse one. Even if they get agreement there will be a large number who disagree. It is not a place to post if you can't stand the truth as people see it. It isn't asking for advice - if you want 'poor you- YANBU' then you are likely to be in for disappointment - or a nasty shock. Much better to post elsewhere.

PessaryPam · 26/02/2013 07:48

It's a shock jock forum, if you don't like it don't play.

Jinsei · 26/02/2013 08:08

I wasn't one of those hurling the insults on the thread in question, but the OP did rather invite criticism when her later posts directly contradicted her earlier ones. It did look like she was changing the "facts" to suit her argument.

People suggested she was BU and offered reasonable advice. She got defensive and the insults escalated from there.

notsofrownieface · 26/02/2013 08:18

What thread? Just so I can give a balanced answer on this one. Grin

amillionyears · 26/02/2013 08:20

Havent seen the thread.
But I agree.
Have been wondering what can be done.
Some threads dont suit chat. But dont suit AIBU either.
A debate thread would be good to talk about more serious subjects than chat.
But I dont know that MN would go for that. Plus I presume it would be another techie job.
Dont know. Just musing.

amillionyears · 26/02/2013 08:22

Doesnt really solve the insulting on AIBU though.
But perhaps, the unwary would not then wander into there.

Tee2072 · 26/02/2013 08:23

Well, there are more than two topics, you realize, amillionyears. Plenty of places to have a debate that isn't chat or AIBU.

Technoviking · 26/02/2013 08:23

I find it's deadly to post in AIBU. My take on it is this, if you need to post in AIBU then you probably are. And you will be vehemently reminded of this, until the thread disappears.

So I avoid.

Emilythornesbff · 26/02/2013 08:33

Op YANBU. Sometimes responses are eyewateringly rude.
And not always in a way that would break talk guidelines. I sometimes think it would be less offensive to read a "fuck off" than some of the passive aggressive shit I see on here at times.
Still. I guess it's important to try and not take it to heart.

Jinsei · 26/02/2013 08:37

I agree that some responses are unnecessarily rude in aibu. Some people are very harsh.

But at the sane time, some OPs are rude too, and unnecessarily defensive. Why ask AIBU if you're going to get upset when someone says yes, YABU?!

Pagwatch · 26/02/2013 08:47

But it's also a bit odd how much of our time is spent complaining about aibu when it isregularly the most active section in the whole talk forum and people go to extraordinarily lengths to try and twist a situation or subject into an aibu.

It's becoming a lightening rod for people who want Jeremy Kyle type 'dbate' and is seemingly increasingly popular because of that.

Goldenhedgehog · 26/02/2013 08:53

YANBU

Some people find it difficult to express a differing view in a pleasant courteous manner.

Some people when scrolling through Active Convos or the AIBU topic are far more likely to open and post on a thread where they think from the thread title the OP probably is being unreasonable than the opposite.

Some people like venting or making themselves feel better/superior by taking someone else down a peg or two.

Ticklemonster2 · 26/02/2013 08:56

There seems to be a lot of pointless bitching on here. If they can't say anything nice, I don't know why they comment.
It's ignorance and mumsnet are partly responsible for not policing it more.
I've seen blatant bullying going on on this site and nothing is done about it. If it were in the workplace they would get the sack!

BIWI · 26/02/2013 09:00

And then it's compounded by the AIBU Krew. Those who live there and only post there, and admit quite openly that they do so because they love a bit of argy bargy.

No attempt to deal with anyone's issues/questions with any kind of empathy or compassion - just diving straight in to judge - often harshly - that poster, and not the issue.

Some very nasty characters in AIBU I think.

FeckOffCup · 26/02/2013 09:01

AIBU can be very blunt and even harsh at times, people seem to have strong opinions on this board. I can also see why the OP of that thread got a bit of a verbal kicking, she did keep changing her story, one minute she couldn't speak enough French to order food or drinks for herself, the next minute she has a basic knowledge of French, German and Spanish, if you change your story when challenged on it then of course people will be Hmm.

HerrenaHarridan · 26/02/2013 09:04

We need a bunfight ring Smile

Any posters that want a fight can post there. Any thread that degenerates can be moved there.

Yanbu. Mn, like life, is a mix of lovely people with some arseholes thrown in to show everyone else in a good light.

I also get annoyed when people pin the bullying on " mn royalty" when ime, the posters that have been around since the dawn of mn a while, are the ones who reliably put forward a measured response even when saying yabu.

After all why would op change their mind because a bunch of dicks bully them, why should they?

DonkeysDontRideBicycles · 26/02/2013 09:06

I know the thread you're referring to, one or two posters did seem to go in with their size 10s but as has already been said, if you think they're overdoing it, report.

AIBU was the first topic I saw on MN. TBH I've had a worse roasting over on Relationships so it's not just this area that can getshouty.

Sometimes I try and throw the OP a lifebelt, sometimes I just back out of the door slowly and try not to show fear.

amillionyears · 26/02/2013 09:07

Didnt realise some posters lived on AIBU. Yikes.

amillionyears · 26/02/2013 09:11

Tee. the other day I wanted to start a thread, something to do with the police. Wanted to have a debate about something or other.
But it was not really chat, nor AIBU. Just a talk or debate.
And it wasnt an "in the news" item either.
It certainly wasnt about fish, feminism, relationships, or anything else remotely on the topics.
So I just didnt bother to start the thread.