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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think just because this is AIBU it doesn't give you an excuse to be nasty?

43 replies

twentydollars · 26/02/2013 01:41

Just reading one thread (not a thread about a thread I promise )

And the comments ... geez!

Pathetic.
Bit wet.
High maintenance.
Attention seeking
Sulky.
Cats bum face (that expression makes me want to barf!)

Why can people not just say yes YABU because .....

Instead of having to throw out insults and generally just try and kick someone down?

I actually find it as cringeworthy as when you see strangers arguing on a Youtube video.

Just because you cannot see the person behind the screen - they are actually still a person with feelings.

OP posts:

BIWI · 26/02/2013 09:14

Why isn't that chat, amillionyears?

BIWI · 26/02/2013 09:14

You will get just as much debate! (When do you ever not get debate on MN?!)

Tee2072 · 26/02/2013 09:20

I would agree with BIWI. That's chat.

scaevola · 26/02/2013 09:25

I doubt you can change the nature of AIBU, which is blunt and can be rude.

There are plenty of other boards (themed, or chat as a catch all) which are not remotely like that, so I would always assume that an OP in AIBU wants an AIBU. I don't like the attitude spilling into other boards, but it's fine in its place. Gratuitous insults are deleted, even from AIBU, if they break Talk guidelines.

fanjoforthemammaries7850 · 26/02/2013 09:31

Have seen people admitting they like to go on AIBU if they are feeling narky and get rid of their bad feelings by having a bit of a barney.

Portofino · 26/02/2013 09:31

I would say that was Chat too.

MyDarlingClementine · 26/02/2013 09:49

I think sending personal messages that are aggressive and nasty in tone should get the poster banned.

Going on the boards is one thing, but sending a PM is like dragging someone down a side alley for a kicking so no one else can see.

amillionyears · 26/02/2013 09:56

Will start debates in chat in that case.
I thought chat was supposed to be more lighthearted.

Maryz · 26/02/2013 10:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emilythornesbff · 26/02/2013 16:49

Fair point pagwatch

exoticfruits · 26/02/2013 19:02

I have found that when the OP comes back and replies in a reasonable manner and acknowledges that she might have done things differently then it does indeed change. It gets unpleasant if they just disappear or try and keep justifying themselves. A huge problem is the person who then piles in with their opinion without reading anything beyond the first post. Many times I have had to say 'if you bothered to read you would have found that OP changed their mind 5 pages ago'. People really shouldn't comment before seeing how it has progressed.

YouTheCat · 26/02/2013 19:08

Sometimes people haven't even read the whole of the OP, just the first paragraph and then pile in anyway.

Boils my piss.

exoticfruits · 26/02/2013 19:15

They aren't even bothered about reading it-they have issues of their own and that is what they are talking about-the OP is merely an excuse!

Pigsmummy · 26/02/2013 19:24

Saw the thread. Saw the op getting defensive and back tracking when they didn't get the sympathy that they wanted. I don't think that any of the posts were worthy of being reported or removed just that the OP didn't get the sympathy that they were seeking.

exoticfruits · 26/02/2013 19:27

I have to admit I didn't see the thread being talked about, but it seems very typical of AIBU-it is sad for the unwary- but anyone who has read them in the past should stay well clear-post absolutely anywhere else in preference!

Jinsei · 26/02/2013 23:59

The thread in question was apparently removed because it was started by someone who had previously been banned. That says it all IMHO. The responses weren't the problem on this occasion.

I do agree though that some posters are very quick to jump in and attack!

Beaverfeaver · 27/02/2013 08:07

I agree OP, I posted a topic in AIBU which was about a positive uplifting experience for me which I felt proud off.

The first 10 replies were from people telling me that I was pretty much an idiot for feeling proud of something that comes so easily to them.

Made me feel rubbish, so I won't be bothering with that again.

There are threads on here that make me cringe too. Sometimes I just shut the screen down totally as it can be upsetting to read the horrible people's replies.

It seems one person says something horrible to start off with and then everyone joins in and its like a little gang.
Quite childish in the way it happens as often there is no rhym or reason for it.

I just hope these posters aren't like it in real life.

atthewelles · 27/02/2013 11:18

I think on a forum this size you are going to get a certain number of pretty nasty people who cannot agree with someone without being deeply insulting and unpleasant. I think those posters are very much in the minority but if you get on the wrong side of one of them it can really stick in your mind. Also, there are people who don't seem to understand the difference between being witty and ironic and being downright rude and ignorant. Others probably confuse being 'robust and no nonsense' with being blunt, harsh and insensitive.

There can be a certain mob mentality sometimes as well. It always amazes me how it can take just one person fairly early in a thread to get hold of the wrong end of the stick for the whole thread to go off course and the OP to be flamed for something they never ever said or even implied in their post. If you take sympathy on them and wade in to try and help the swarm of bees pause for a second, change direction and come buzzing after you instead (while the OP runs for her life and changes identity so the mad ones will never track her down )

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