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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to be this fecked off with dh, dm and mil. Especially Mil. (long, sorry)

34 replies

MsWetherwax · 25/02/2013 19:51

I know I am really, but I am so fucking annoyed!

I had an Emergency C Section when I had dd two years ago. She was whisked straight down to special care unit, and was bought up to the ward an hour or so later when I'd come round. Everyone round the bed so we all met her at the same time. I would have liked a bit of time on my own really, but was too tired to argue.

Today, out of the blue, mil says 'looking back, I feel a bit sorry for you, being out cold like that when she was born. You should have seen her first really' I was a bit so asked what she meant.

Turns out that they all traipsed down to the fucking ward without me to have a look at her first! Then lied about it for the next two years! Fuckers.

I'm fucked off with them all, but really, if you've kept schtum for 2 years, why tell me now? I know it isn't a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I'm gutted nobody thought 'hang on a minute, maybe we should wait for MsWetherwax' :(

OP posts:

Ohhelpohnoitsa · 25/02/2013 19:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

teaandbourbons · 25/02/2013 19:55

I get that you're upset that they didn't tell you. That would annoy me too. Try not to let it get to you that they saw her first though. They are people who love her and probably wanted to see that she was ok. That's natural. I think that if I had been in similar circumstances I would have wanted someone to be with her if I couldn't be there.

They should have told you though, why keep it a secret?!

Squeakygate · 25/02/2013 19:56

for you.
Why would she tell you now?
Have they deliberately kept it from you?

WipsGlitter · 25/02/2013 19:57

Why were they all at the hospital? If you were in labour?

McNewPants2013 · 25/02/2013 19:59

I can understand why you are angry, but you need to let it go.

Whocansay · 25/02/2013 19:59

I can see why you're upset, but isn't it good that your baby wasn't alone whilst you were out of it?

Original poster

MsWetherwax · 25/02/2013 20:02

She was only monitored for an hour. No touching allowed, she was in an incubator. They all went down to have a little peek through the glass, and I do get that, I understand they were worried, but why the big secret?

And why, if three of you were complicit in this little fib, would you not just keep it to yourself? I was quite happy not knowing!

OP posts:

Original poster

MsWetherwax · 25/02/2013 20:08

Labour went on for days. Dh and Dm were there anyway, mil turned up at the last knockings because she hadn't heard anything. Thats a whole other thread. Dd was fine - I was the one having issues.

Its fine that they went to see her, its the whole lying thing thats pissed me off. With hindsight they made a big song and dance about how they'd waited for me to come round. They were obviously expecting me to get all pfb about it if I'd known! :)

OP posts:

ENormaSnob · 25/02/2013 20:23

I would be more pissed of at the deliberate lies than the actual act iyswim?

Yanbu

DIYapprentice · 25/02/2013 20:26

They were obviously expecting me to get all pfb about it if I'd known!

And aren't you?

Original poster

MsWetherwax · 25/02/2013 20:29

Maybe just a little bit DIY. :)

OP posts:

CSIJanner · 25/02/2013 20:32

Nope - not PFB. More like pi$$ed off with the group lie that they all partook in. Because it sounds like they all discussed how to react and what to say beforehand. It breaks trust. Some may see it as a LWL but it does get you thinking, what else have they all lied about?

Original poster

MsWetherwax · 25/02/2013 20:36

CSI - thank you! Thats exactly it. Why tell me a pack of lies when I'd have been quite happy with the truth?

OP posts:

SquinkiesRule · 25/02/2013 20:38

How weird to bring it up now. That is just stirring and making trouble.
I know with my second c-section Dh saw Ds first, I was in recovery for ages and he turned up with a picture of him and Ds together. Ds was healthy and had his place front row behind the glass just like in the movies, so everyone who turned up saw him before me.

babiesinslingsgetcoveredinfood · 25/02/2013 20:42

Saw YANBU I would've been pissed off if they did it & doubly pissed off that they lied. Then telling me after 2 years why, just why?

Poor you. I had an emcs with dd & I found it hard enough that I was awake but in shock & shaking too much to hold her for an hour or two. Then got to hold DS until my massive haemorrhage (post vbac, don't bother!) mad end almost die. DH embargoed anyone else seeing them until I'd fed them.

I'd be sooo cross, but I guess your DH was tired, overwhelmed & v concerned for you. I think you're right to be most posse off with mil.

TDD32 · 25/02/2013 20:52

I can understand they wanted to ensure your daughter was ok, or more to the point they could not wait to see her. BUT I would be annoyed beyound words that they lied to me for two years. So totally understand where your coming from and no you are not been unreasonable to be mad as hell.

Have you spoken to them to tell them how hurt you are they lied to you?

rodandtheemu · 25/02/2013 20:53

Op I would have been pissed off too! If they had all ready been down, why would DM and MIL have to be there when you first met her? Jesus i'm going to tell DH that if that happens to me when our dc is born apart from him, NO one is allowed -selfish i know but hey ho!

If they felt they had to keep it secret they ALL knew they were doing wrong!

have u pissed MIL recently to drop that little bomb on you?

There is nothing you can do about it now though, i would however tell all three that you dont appreciate being lied to...for two years!

Im due in 8 weeks and know Im going to have to barracade MIL from ward....i've actually rang up hospital to check that they wouldnt admit her even if she turned up! She has demanded to be present and so far i have just smiled and nodded to keep peace! DH has been warned not to phone anyone!

I swear we need a dedicated MIL page!!

13Iggis · 25/02/2013 21:03

Also, since they'd already seen the baby, wouldve been nice if they'd left you and your dh alone with her when she came to the ward for the first time.
I think you need to speak to the others involved. But do try not to let it upset you too much. How stupid to tell you now. Is there any way she didn't realise you thought they hadn't seen dd before you?

Original poster

MsWetherwax · 25/02/2013 21:04

I haven't pissed her off that I'm aware of, but sil's baby is due soon, so maybe that has jogged her memory.

OP posts:

IAmLouisWalsh · 25/02/2013 21:09

Bastards.

Mononoke · 25/02/2013 21:14

Yes I would be pissed off, there was no reason for all of them to go to scbu, your DH could have gone down on his own while they waited with you.

I am surprised they let them in tbh, most places won't let anyone other than the other parent visit if the Mum is unwell or in theatre etc.

zoobaby · 25/02/2013 21:18

I can appreciate the sentiment that caused them to look and then pretend they didn't, but it was pretty crappy to lie for such a long time. Hopefully she's been feeling guilty about it for the last 2 years... that will learn her!

HumanDancer · 25/02/2013 21:22

I can understand you are upset but I'm sure it was difficult for them too.

I nearly died having a c section. DH was sat outside the room not knowing whether to wait for me or go to the baby. It must have been awful. I would just be glad the baby was ok and loved by so many people.

Original poster

MsWetherwax · 25/02/2013 21:23

She knew. I asked about dd as soon as I came round and they assured me that she was fine, dh had seen her as she came out of theatre (he wasn't allowed in) and that the nurses would be bringing her up soon. Lots of can't wait to meet her, we waited for you to see her first etc.

Ah well. Makes no odds now I suppose. I am fucking furious that they've lied to me for 2 years though. I think I need a

OP posts:

CarlingBlackMabel · 25/02/2013 21:26

I would be pissed off too.

I haven't had a CS, but I think I would have felt quite upset if the GA had caused me to be excluded from being the first to see my baby. I would be pissed off with DH. If he had said 'I went to keep the baby company so that she would have her Dad with her before you woke up' i would have been so happy. But them all keeping it a secret between them actually excludes you even further.

Why on earth did dh collude with this? I would have a long talk with him, and explain how you feel.

At the time they were probably overwhelmed with anxiety to know that your dd was OK, and then actually KNEW that they had transgressed, and kept shtum because they knoew it to be upsetting. Your Mum and DH should know better. I would be more pissed off with them.

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