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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Argh! Surprise party ruined.

52 replies

ToothGah · 25/02/2013 16:28

Organised a surprise party for DP's birthday on Friday, about 50 people invited.

Told everyone to be at venue for 7pm, all organised. Told him we're going out for a meal, just the two of us.

His DM has just emailed me confused to say she's spoken to DP and he's said we're going for a meal on Friday "so is his party still on or have you cancelled it?"

Oh, and she emailed this to an email address we both use, with the subject title DP's name Sad

So of course, he's read it but is pretending he hasn't. I'm so upset I could cry.

OP posts:
Original poster
ToothGah · 25/02/2013 16:29

AIBU to be upset? sob

OP posts:
DoingTheBestICan · 25/02/2013 16:31

Had she tried to ring you beforehand to find out? Sounds deliberate to me.

wannabedomesticgoddess · 25/02/2013 16:31

Did you tell her it was a surprise? Is she forgetful?

YANBU to be upset.

HecateWhoopass · 25/02/2013 16:31

Oh no.

Did she not know it was a surprise and the meal for the two of you was a cover story?

Yakshemash · 25/02/2013 16:31

YANBU.

I'd be tempted to drive round to MIL's house and flick her on the forehead.

snuffaluffagus · 25/02/2013 16:31

Ohhhhhh dear. Well, if you're SURE he has read it, you may as well make exaggerated, jokey references to it, make a joke out of it all. Did his Mum know it was meant to be a surprise?

GlitterySkulls · 25/02/2013 16:32

wow, how dense can she be?

don't worry, OP, the "surprise" element has been spoiled but i'm sure the party will still be great. are you sure he's definitely read it?

BeCool · 25/02/2013 16:34

YANBU - but keep pretending, you don't know he's pretending he doesn't know about the party. Stick to the plan. Bet you all have a lovely time.

MIL clearly got a little 'confused' - didn't she know it was a surprise? Are you sure your DP accessed the email account before you did?

Original poster
ToothGah · 25/02/2013 16:36

Yes she knows it's a surprise, told everyone to be there before we get there etc.

He just sheepishly said "Ummm my mums emailed, it's for you, I only started reading it."

Well you would read an email wouldn't you if the subject of it is your name :(

OP posts:
Naysa · 25/02/2013 16:37

Technically it's still a surprise, just an early one. He must still me pleased and surprised that you did his for him Grin

DoingTheBestICan · 25/02/2013 16:38

I would ring her and say she has let the cat out of the bag,very sneaky of her.

TheElephantIsADaintyBird · 25/02/2013 16:40

Yanbu to be upset but don't let it spoil it.

snooter · 25/02/2013 16:41

What a shame Sad

Perhaps she didn't think he would see it first.
After my father died my mum kept using his email address for a while, not realising that it came up as 'Dad' in the inbox as she isn't very techy. A really upsetting jolt, every time.

MarmaladeTwatkins · 25/02/2013 16:41

God, I would be fuming.

YANBU.

SigmundFraude · 25/02/2013 16:41

No, YANBU, but she probably didn't realise. He will have read the email, but suggest you go along with the pretending he doesn't, it will still be a good night won't it? He won't know the full guest list.

almostanotherday · 25/02/2013 16:42

Ok so he now knows there is a party but not who's coming or anything else so it will still be a surprise. Just warn everyone that he has caught wind of it and if he asks anyone still get them to deny everything Smile

HecateWhoopass · 25/02/2013 16:42

Are you sure it was an accident then?

LulaPalooza · 25/02/2013 16:44

It sounds like she got confused about the surprise element and also probably didn't realise that you both use the same email address

Either that or she's being deliberately difficult. Has she done anything like this before?

YANBU to be upset, but she probably did it inadvertently.

poozlepants · 25/02/2013 16:48

I wouldn't be happy either but it might have been a mistake. You could tell him his family are coming to dinner as well and that was the surprise.

MrsPennyapple · 25/02/2013 16:49

It sounds deliberate to me too. I'm afraid I would absolutely ROAST my mother for this. Only marginally less so if it was my MIL .

PedlarsSpanner · 25/02/2013 16:49

Well yanbu to be upset

Does MIL have form?

Original poster
ToothGah · 25/02/2013 16:51

I'm just so upset. I feel like cancelling everything.

I really do think it was just a mistake/not thinking but still :(

OP posts:
maddening · 25/02/2013 16:53

Have you spoken to her yet?

PedlarsSpanner · 25/02/2013 16:56

Nah dont cancel

Let dh have his party. He will have a ball and know that you went to heaps of effort for him. Mil can get stuffed.

jumpingjackhash · 25/02/2013 16:57

YANBU to be upset, if it was a genuine mistake on her part I'd let her know you're disappointed but then just look forward to the party, which is still a lovely thing to do.

If it was deliberate on her part (would need to be sure!), I'd be tempted to just tell her it's cancelled because she ruined it ...