To think lateness is the rudest thing?

[slatternlymother]

It says 'my time is more valuable than yours'.

I just don't understand this attitude where it is ok to be late. It's so flakey! And yet it seems that so many people think it's alright.

I feel like there's this perception that it's a little bit cool, and if you pick someone up for it, then you need to 'relax'.

Well, it's bloody not alright. It is RUDE.

Grr.

at this massive conspiracy by latecomers to disrespect the punctual.

They don't plan to piss you off. They don't plan anything, that's why they're always late.

I have a friend who always just has to do something. It was infuriating at first because I relied on her to be on time. But now I know what she's like that would be pretty daft of me.

We don't meet anywhere time-sensitive any more. Last time we went out we went to the cinema. She was late. I went in. When the film finished we found each other and carried on to a restaurant and had a nice time.

I could have a hissy fit and drop her but then I'd lose a really good friend.

It drives me insane as well. Particularly if I have invited people to dinner - I have invited you for dinner, I have made an effort, please be punctual. One friend turned up nearly two hours late. We had eaten when she arrived, and she had some lame excuse that she "hadn't realised I was cooking." It got to the stage where we were all hungry and I couldn't wait any longer. I'd phoned her earlier and she was always "just leaving." When clearly she wasn't.

No one has mentioned conspiracy, limited. It's bloody rude though. Hence lots of us choose not to be friends with 'late' types

Actually I had a friend who used to deliberately be late every time we met for drinks. Usually about 15-30 minutes or so but she admitted it to me once.
She basically said her it was 'her thing'. I think she thought it made her look quirky and interesting or something.

We basically used the time to have an extra drink and bitch about her.

So don't be friends with them, then.

Infuriating though her lateness is, my friend is still worth something to me, so I use my better organisational skills to counter her shit ones. Otherwise I'd be setting myself up for disappointment every time and that would be stupid of me, no one else.

She's invited me to a party tonight. I've turned it down because I know she'll leave home about the time we're supposed to be there, get to me about 45 minutes later having hoped the journey will take about 15 minutes because she won't have factored in walking to and from the stations and waiting for the train. Then we'll set off and arrive nearly two hours late and I'll find out it's a sit-down meal and everyone hates us.

I'll see her tomorrow night because she's having some friends to her house and she'll have to wait for me.

I'm not, limited :-) as I said in 2 posts further up thread!

I had a friend once ( no longer) who was always late, or when I lived with her she would keep me hanging on for ages before we'd go out to pub or something.

I used to visit her in Manchester and catch the bus up, telling her what time bus would arrive. She'd leave me waiting at bus station on my own for an hour (this was before mobiles). Eventually I'd go find a pay phone to ring her house and shed answer to say she was just chatting with her brother and would leave now to get me. it was like I didn't matter to her.

She had quite a high powered job. She was never late for work.

Puppy, that is exactly what my ex friend was like. We'd always meet at a location far easier for her to get to, with a shorter travelling time to hers. Yet I'd arrive, she wouldn't be there and I'd phone her and she'd say 'just tidying up and going to have a cup of tea then I'll start getting the kids in the car'.

Which basically meant 'you are not important, I will come in my own time and you can just wait'

I'd bet £1 million on my friend being late for that million pound cheque .

My children have both been diagnosed with dyspraxia and I have read up on it a lot. I really do think some peope have a real problem with concepts of time and planning and organisation. This def applies to me. Also, with me, an element of anxiety and OCD at play. To those who are offended it's really not meant maliciously. It's prob not about you at all. Having said that, although I struggle to be on time it's by mins rather than hours, that's a whole other ballgame.

Limited, how does your friend manage to hold down jobs? Catch flights? Attend doctors and dentist appointments? She must be capable of being on time sometimes!

Murphy, it's a constant battle to be on time for things like that.

But most late people do still manage to do it on time, as they know there will be consequences if they dont

Yeah but for social things maybe they are more relaxed and then things get out if control. Also when you think of it, habitually late people have limited experience of being kept waiting so don't know what it's like!

I twice had housemates who faffed about getting ready for so long that we'd finish up not actually going out.

One was at university and it was quite obvious that she'd changed her mind about going out but didn't want to admit it because everyone else was ready, so she'd just hedge and dawdle and find some "urgent" task that needed doing (on one occasion it was fixing an unfixable hair-clip that she just had to wear) before she could go out. If there was more than one other of us going out, we used to just go without her, but if it was just one of us and her, you'd be a bit stuck and finish up giving up.

The other was a girl I lived with when I first started work. She'd genuinely intend to go out, but would then get completely lost in the getting-ready process - multiple outfit changes, makeup, hair washing. Before you knew it two hours had passed and you would only be getting to the pub in time for last orders.

It was the most spectacularly frustrating thing ever. With the second girl I just stopped going out with her at all.

I always think that no matter how busy or hectic someone's life is, people always manage to see people that they want to, and they always manage to be on time for people they truly want to see/things they want to do.

I have a friend like this. We don't meet up much any more. We were going away for a weekend once. She suggested we meet at 11 a.m at our destination. I had a much longer journey than she had. I knew I would end up breaking my neck to be there at 11, and she would arrive late anyway. I said let's make it 2 p.m. She was still late. This person is aways on time for work, flights etc. I copped on after a few times of waiting for her,and started to suggest meeting,for example,in a bookshop,where I could happily browse,rather than a cold street corner where she would have suggested we meet. I don't know if it is a mind game,on her part. We seldom arrange to meet now. I genuinely don't understand people saying they don't know how to allocate time,e.g.to factor in walking to and from a bus/ train station etc. That is not a dig at any of the posters here. I genuinely don't understand it. For those who say it's rude to be early,I am always early but wouldn't dream of barging in on someone earlier than they expected me to call. I didn't mean this to turn into a diatribe . In summary,anyone can get held up or be delayed,but habitual lateness is bad manners,in my opinion.

Lateness is rude, but mooning is ruder. Definitely!

murphy she has a high-powered job which makes her morning time-keeping at work worse because there are only two people above her and they're not bothered about what time she gets in.

She stays very late so as far they're concerned the work gets done.

She was late for a meeting with one of them recently which didn't go down well but she was able to say she'd been very busy when I'm pretty sure she'd been faffing about.

We used to work together but her lateness didn't affect me. Drove her line manager nuts though. If it had affected me I freely admit that we wouldn't be friends today. But it didn't, so we are.

She's been late for meetings, trains, planes. In one job she was definitely managed out. I don't blame the company but I'm not going to bring it to her attention either. Deep down, she must know, but it's her business, not mine.

There are people like the one anonacfr knew who are deliberately late as a power trip. But the vast majority of latecomers are late because they are bad organisers/procrastinators/people pleasers even.

The reason I know is because I used to be late all the time too. I'm mostly not now and I changed for completely selfish reasons. I was fed up with people not taking me seriously (my fault) and sick of rushing about in a sweat and apologising to people all the time.

It doesn't really matter why I changed. I'm not late (mostly) and people aren't pissed off with me any more. I've also learned that some people who pride themselves on never being late aren't being entirely truthful. They're just earlier than I used to be.

That's profound Sanity

I used to work as a trainer so saw all sorts of lateness:

• the forgetful late arriver, they mean well but have forgotten that there is a training session, where it is, what to bring. These people arrive late panicing and shedding all the things they forgot and went back for

• the punctual unpunctual, they set off from their desks at the time they were due to arrive at the meeting room having not factored in how long it takes to walk to the meeting room or how long the lift will take to arrive. These people walk in calmly, but 10 minutes late.

• the surprised unpunctual who will be ready to attend the training session 5 minutes ahead of time but will then stop to complete a task which takes 15 minutes. These people are always surprised that they are late.

However the worst offenders are the arrogant late arrivers. These people will arrive after everyone else has settled they will bustle in with a kind of ta daa!! type gesture. They will then greet various colleagues, noisily rootle through bags, fail to find pens, pencils and noisily ask to borrow these.

There is a toasty place in hell reserved for these people.

Funnily enough, as observed upstream, punctuality is the courtesy of kings. The senior boss (god's god) will arrive punctually, sit quietly and will write notes with a discrete but expensive pen in a bound notebook!

I remember when I was at school I used to walk to school with this girl who lived round the corner from me. Every morning, without fail, I would knock on the door at the appointed time, the door would open and either her or her mum would say "just a minute". I would be left standing there for up to 20 minutes One day, I had had enough of this and just walked to school without her. She then went crying to the teacher (we were 11/12) and I got told off .

So in answer to your question OP, yes lateness is the rudest thing!!