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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say no to babysitting for my neighbour

58 replies

notnagging · 25/02/2013 14:23

My neighbour often goes out & leaves her dcs (8&10)by themselves. Friday she didnt get back until 10. I felt so bad I invited them into mine until she got back which she was a bit miffed about. She has asked me to make sure they go to bed on time tonight & check up on them (not stay with them). I have said I cant because i'll be seeing to my 5 dcs & Im worried this will become more & more regular. Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
twinklesparkles · 25/02/2013 14:33

Why is she leaving them?

I wouldn't look after them no, she sounds a piss taker.

Then again I wouldn't want kids that young alone all night :/

Difficult situation

dreamingofsun · 25/02/2013 14:36

she should be reported to social services. its not your job to look after her children - they are her responsibility and are much too young to be left my themselves for any extended time.

Greatdomestic · 25/02/2013 14:37

I don't agree with leaving kids that young alone. Why wsas she so late?

But, if you do this again it will become a regual unpaid gig. if anything goes wrong, the finger will be pointed at you, who was supposed to be "checking on them".

christinarossetti · 25/02/2013 14:42

This is the sort of thing that no-one would have batted an eyelid about in the '70s, but it's different now.

I agree with you that you need to say no and not get involved. I don't know whether I'd report a neighbour to SS for just this tbh, but I would tell her that I'm not comfortable about and suggest that she make other childcare arrangements.

thefirstmrsrochester · 25/02/2013 14:45

That's really young to be left alone so late at night. I appreciate that folk have challenging circumstances and do things they would rather not when trying to juggle commitments and so on.
I'm Sad that they are expected to go up to bed themselves.
I would end up feeling sorry for them too, and watch them, and get taken advantage of and seethe with resentment.
It's a shitty position she has put you in.

getmeoutofthismadhouse · 25/02/2013 14:49

I have an 8 year old and I don't think its right leaving children alone at night . It must be scary for them aswell as dangerous . Its not your responsibility to watch them and the neighbour needs telling that she either has to stop in or find suitable childcare because its not right on the children . Even at 10 years of age children need to know that they have someone there to protect them . If their mum isn't willing to I think ss need to speak to her . If you don't do or say something you will feel guilty if something happens one night . Its not your responsibilty though to have to go and check on them .

BadRoly · 25/02/2013 14:51

How long did she leave them and where did she go? I am struggling to be outraged to be honest without knowing more.

I would leave dc1&2 to go and collect dh from the station quite happily. It's about an hour round trip and his train gets in at either 9.30 or 10.30.

I would be outraged however if having left them to go to bed in that time (which they are very capable of doing themselves), they ended up at someone else's house without my prior agreement...

BadRoly · 25/02/2013 14:54

Reread your op again. I wouldn't expect a neighbour to check on them though so I think she is taking the piss with that. I wouldn't get involved in that arrangement at all. She either finds a babysitter or doesn't go out if she feels they need someone to check on them.

MrsDeVere · 25/02/2013 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
notnagging · 25/02/2013 15:03

Last time she went out all evening & left them on the Xbox. I don't want her to think she can do it all the time when she makes last minute plans

OP posts:
thefirstmrsrochester · 25/02/2013 15:09

That's not on. Not at 8 & 10.
Last minute plans?
I think your neighbour is a user and will exploit your good nature.

MrsDeVere · 25/02/2013 15:09

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

firesidechat · 25/02/2013 15:20

Wasn't normal in the 70's where I lived.

I would be worried about the children being left at such a young age, but it definitely isn't down to you to take care of them.

chickensarmpit · 25/02/2013 15:21

I'd be calling the police.

HoHoHoNoYouDont · 25/02/2013 15:28

I think it's your neighbour that needs keeping an eye on as well as her children. I would be tempted to watch her comings and goings to be honest, see who's popping in when she's out. I'm a curtain twitcher

It doesn't sit comfortably with me tbh, I think I would have to tell her straight that she shouldn't be leaving the kids alone. Either that or phone SS or similar.

BackforGood · 25/02/2013 15:28

Another here disagreeing with christinarossetti - not normal at all when I was a child.

OP - I certainly wouldn't agree to it, and it's certainly not right. I was furious with my 16yr old ds a couple of weeks ago for going out and leaving his 11 yr old sister alone, after he'd told me he'd be in so I didn't make any other arrangements. I'm quite happy to leave her for an hour or two in the day, but not at night, and she's older. 8 and 10 is too young. You could ring NSPCC or Soc Services for advice. I know nobody likes the idea of telling on someone, but you'd never forgive yourself if something happened to the dc and you hadn't. Sad

expatinscotland · 25/02/2013 15:37

YANBU. Not normal when I was a child in the 70s, either.

I'd report her.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 15:49

My little sis is 13 and shes only just been able to stay on her own when her parents are away, and i live 5 mins away if she really needed me, 8 and 10 is far too young.

I know of a woman who left her daughter alone alot when she was about four, nothing was ever done because her mums a social worker.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 15:50

away = out,

atthewelles · 25/02/2013 15:58

What she's doing is against the law. I would tell her that if she keeps doing it you will have no option but to report her as she is putting her children at risk.

MrsDeVere · 25/02/2013 16:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GregBishopsBottomBitch · 25/02/2013 16:39

You are right, as i understand it, its not actually illegal to leave them alone from a young age, it gets tricky because its the safety issue, if you leave and they are in dangerous then its a police matter, but if they are 4 then surely they will be in danger, the law is totally stupid.

DeepRedBetty · 25/02/2013 16:45

I've just checked with The Fount of All Knowledge About Parenting in The Seventies... and DM said yes, my memory was correct, we were not left alone until the oldest of us at home was 14, and even then it was only for long enough for my mum to pop to the station to collect my dad. If your neighbour wants or needs to be out regularly at night for such long periods, she needs to get proper childcare set up.

Original poster
notnagging · 25/02/2013 16:56

Thankyou Im glad its not just me. She could make other arrangements and I have said its not easy to do as I have my 5 to put to bed tonight! She will often tell me just as she's going out which Im not happy about. I do feel sorry for the kids & I do keep an eye out for them. They are mostly at their dads in the holidays thank goodness.It is not against the law & I would not have so much of a problem with it during the day but not at night.

OP posts:
MrsDeVere · 25/02/2013 17:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.