to say no to babysitting for my neighbour

[notnagging]

My neighbour often goes out & leaves her dcs (8&10)by themselves. Friday she didnt get back until 10. I felt so bad I invited them into mine until she got back which she was a bit miffed about. She has asked me to make sure they go to bed on time tonight & check up on them (not stay with them). I have said I cant because i'll be seeing to my 5 dcs & Im worried this will become more & more regular. Am I being unreasonable?

When me and my DSis were 11 and 10 st the oldest and for a good time before that my DM used to leave us alone at night and we hated it. We would always be brave and tell her we were fine.

Not something I would do or countenance really because of that if nothing else.

You have five children of your own, so obviously do not want to be 'incharge' of hers, especially if they are in another house and you therefore have no control over what happens or what they get up to.

I don't believe it! I said no she's gone anyway! I said I won't be in that time she said whenever I get back.

I was being genuine I'm not in tonight. If I tell ss she'll know it was me.

I know someone who did this with a 7yo and a 10yo while she went to work, wasn't home till 10pm. Neighbours called the police and the police went round and picked the kids up and took them to grandparents.

She got a call at at work one night telling her to go to her parents immediately. Not sure what the final outcome was as she had to leave work, but I know social services were investigating her.

I don't know what to do she has gone about 10 miles away & didn't give me the chance to say no.

You need to make to really clear to her that you will not be checking up on them at all anymore and that if she leaves them then she is leaving them completely unsupervised. People like this always try to take advantage so you have to spell it out to them, if anything were to happen I'd bet money that you'd be the one she'd blame

I said no before then she knocked on the door & said I'm going now. I said I don't feel comfortable doing this as I won't be in & when I do get in I'll be putting the baby to bed. My ds answered the door & she said whenever then & drove off. She said she'll be back at around 9.30

Sorry notnagging, I meant make it clear to her for next time- I realise there's nothing you could have done about tonight

Don't say 'I don't think so' or 'I'm not comfortable doing that' though, people like this have a hide like a rhino and you have to very explicitly say 'I absolutely will not be looking after your dc while you are out under any circumstances, please don't ask again'

The thing I'm worried about though is that I will not be in either so they will be by themselves until I get back in.

What May said. I'm not doing this and if you keep leaving them I'm going to call the police.

Call the police, could you forgive yourself if anything happen end to them?
And if something did happen she would try to blame you.

She's the kind of person that will say going now & drive off

My dh said to say I didn't have the chance to check them & I told you I would've be able to. If I call the police she'll know it is me. It is a very small cul de sac

So what if she knows it's you? She's breaking the law and putting her children in danger! Do you realise if something happens to those kids she will try to pin it on you, tell the coppers you were meant to be babysitting them? And sure, it won't hold up probably, but do you want to be dragged down the station or possibly get in trouble with your job because of her selfish BS?

'NO! I'm not checking on them or looking after them and if you leave I'm calling the police.'

Fuck her and what she thinks! I'd dob her in right now because what she's doing to her kids is BS, she doesn't deserve to have them if she's doing that.

Expat she already left! That's my point. I will speak to her to make sure it doesn't happen again. I'm going out myself now.

It is against the law to leave children alone at that age.
She is a user and negligent towards her children and is totally selfish.
You are not responsible for her children, she is.
Phone the police.

Yay, I know. I'd call the non-emergency number on her before I go out, too. Because she didn't listen when you said now and ditched her kids.

Stuff her! You said NO. She bailed.

Agree with those saying involve police and social services, I'd be straight on the phone if she pulled that stunt with me! Extreme but she needs to learn it is NOT ON to leave young children alone like that.

Are your kids at the same school as hers? If so I would think about mentioning it to school as a welfare issue: the school will have procedures in place to escalate this as necessary. Also, then it doesn't have to be obvious that it was you that reported it as her kids could have mentioned it to anyone in school.
Otherwise I would call the police and ask them to do what I think they call a "welfare check" - i.e. literally just checking that the kids are OK.

If it's a very small cul de sac, then I'm sure other neighbours are aware that she's doing it too, so she won't know it's you.

I agree with you all. I told her i will not be doing it again.She said 'what u don't feel comfortable sticking your head around a door?' No point trying to talk to her.

They are not at the same school

'No, I don't agree with your abandoning your kids on their own. It's against the law for a very good reason and the next time I hear of you do it I'm reporting you.'

And even if it isn't against the law, it is a shitty way to treat your 8 and 10 yo kids. I know it seems hard OP but you have to do the right thing for the kids. That is, unfortunately, going to mean either saying straight out to her 'I'm going to call the police if you go out and leave them', or just ringing if she goes and being prepared for that.