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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say no to a sleepover because DD is too young

42 replies

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 12:57

Bit awkward.

I have a colleague who is also a friend. He has a DD who is 7, but is quite young for her age. She doesn't have very many friends that I can tell, possibly because we live in a very 'community' orientated place (TigerMumCentral) and her parents aren't all that sociable with the crowd.

Their DD gets on really well with my DD, which is fine, but my DD is 3. We see them a fair bit, and drive their DD home from school etc., so they play for an hour or so most days. Their DD does get annoyed if my DD wants to play with friends of her wn age, and I've been patient and understanding, but firm, when I explain that DD is only 3 and is allowed to play with other 3 year olds. We live in a place where there are lots of older girls, all willing to play with her.

Her parents were getting concerned that she was being too clingy with them, and asked if she could have a sleepover here to see how she got on. She did, she and DD were fine.

Now they want my DD to sleep over there.

I explained that, no, she's 3, not dry at night, and sleepovers are a long way off in my opinion. They don't seem to understand, I guess seeing that their DD loves her and would love another sleepover. They say they'll deal with the sleeplessness / pull-ups etc., but I just don't think she's ready, and frankly I see no need for it.

How to deal with this?

OP posts:

sarahseashell · 25/02/2013 13:01

I'd say thanks very much, she can do when she's old enough but not yet but that their dd is welcome for another one at yours (if she is of course) because she's older.

Then just don't discuss it further

Original poster

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 13:03

3 is too young, isn't it? I was thinking about, well, 7 is about right.

OP posts:

MeSoFunny · 25/02/2013 13:03

You don't need to give them detailed justifications. She's 3, that's enough. Just a polite reiteration of the fact that you won't be sending her for sleep overs for another few years, but thanks.

OutsideOverThere · 25/02/2013 13:03

Gosh 3 is far too tiny. What if she wants you at night - they can't possibly be a substitute for a 3 year old's mum.

kinkyfuckery · 25/02/2013 13:04

It's not necessarily too young, in certain circumstances - but if you are not comfortable with it, then you're right to say no.

BertieBotts · 25/02/2013 13:05

3 is really little. I don't think you're being unreasonable. I'd just say she's not ready for sleepovers yet but maybe when she's older.

Zaphiro · 25/02/2013 13:05

Way too young! YANBU.

BertieBotts · 25/02/2013 13:06

3 is fine for sleeping over at a grandparent's house or favourite aunt or something, possibly a very close family friend, but not at this kind of friend's, definitely not without mum or dad anyway.

Original poster

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 13:07

If there was a point to it, I'd agree - eg. if we needed to be somewhere. But not for fun, when she has no real idea of te concept anyway, apart from sleeping somewhere.

OP posts:

Original poster

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 13:08

Urg, typo central. I meant what Bertie said.

OP posts:

Doyouthinktheysaurus · 25/02/2013 13:08

3 is far too young, just say no!

DS1 was 9, his first sleepover. I've done one for ds2 on his 8th birthday when most of his friends were just 8. I wouldn't let my child go to a sleepover younger than 7 or 8.

KellyElly · 25/02/2013 13:10

I don't think it's too young. My three year old has sleepovers with two of her friends. They are all the same age though. At the end of the day it's what you feel comfortable with.

BadabingBadabong · 25/02/2013 13:13

3 is too young? Wow had no idea, my dd has slept out at about 8 different friends houses from being a baby, she's now 4.

Original poster

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 13:16

Hmmm, I wonder if I'd feel differently if the other child was 3? I suspect so. I think perhaps I'm not so comfortable with my DD being the 7yo's best friend.

OP posts:

OutsideOverThere · 25/02/2013 13:19

I think I'd find that awkward too OP. is the other little girl quite immature?

shallweshop · 25/02/2013 13:22

I think 3 is too young. DD was 7.5 before her first sleepover.

Scootee · 25/02/2013 13:23

3 is far too young. I wouldn't even let my 6 yo go on a sleepover. I think 8 is about right personally.

Twogoodreasons · 25/02/2013 13:25

I have told DD that she must be 8 before sleep-overs, other than family ones. Are they still pushing the issue? Because that would make me rather uncomfortable TBH. If any parent declined a Sleepover at my house I would not expect them to justify there position. There can be all sorts of reasons why children are not ready for sleepovers - especially if they are only 3!

KitCat26 · 25/02/2013 13:25

If the other child was 3 it would be slightly different, but even then I don't know any parents who would want to look after an additional 3 year old.
(None of the 3yr olds I know are particularly good sleepers which may have something to do with it!)

Original poster

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 13:25

She is quite immature. She's mostly really lovely, but sometimes very bossy (ie. I overheard her telling DD she must give her favourite doll away), and my Dd is too little to deal with it in any way apart from acquiescing. When she slept over here I woke up to find her taking DD to the toilet, which in a way was lovely (big sister thing - 7yo is only child), but also not really OK. I probably am being massively over protective. But sleeping somewhere, away from DH or I to just make sure everything's OK, seems wrong.

I guess, if it were at the home of another 3yo I'd be more comfortable knowing that the parents are used to dealing with a child of that age? PArents of 7y0 might have forgotten about a few things they can't do (eg. DD was at theirs once and the two of them were bouncing off the bed onto a beanbag. DD misjudged and splatted against the wall. It's the kind f thing we probably wouldn't allow for kids of that age in our house.

OP posts:

sarahseashell · 25/02/2013 13:29

You're not being overprotective - just do what's right for you, you don't have to justify it to anyone

steppemum · 25/02/2013 13:45

My kids have slept at Granny's and cousins houses etc, and when we are all visiting, piled in to a big roomful of kids on mattresses on the floor, since they were tiny

But this sort of sleepover I think they did at 5 or 6. (and that only very occasionally)

I think every child is different and sleeps differently too, so I wouldn't want to put an age on it, but I wouldn't be happy in the context you describe.

But anyway, it is your choice. If this was your best mate and the girls had known each other forever and were like family you might not even think twice. As it is you are not comfortable with it. So say no, she is too young, when she is 7, same as your dd.

MrsMelons · 25/02/2013 13:50

You have to do what you are comfortable with.

My DCs have had sleepovers at friends houses from about 2 but they are really close friends and are more like family really. It really does depend on the child also, some 3 year olds sleep well and are dry at night and some don't and some are happy to sleep away from home and some aren't.

Its entirely up to you and no one should really tell you any differently.

Saski · 25/02/2013 13:50

I don't see how anyone can view 3 as a suitable age for a sleepover. She's still a baby!

Feelingood · 25/02/2013 13:55

Argh no just stared a thread about my sleepover issues but my ds and guest are 7. Someone said on there 7 was a bit a young.

At 3 no way. If they think she is being clingy there are many other things they can do other than sleepovers. IMO they should make the effort to do some things with older children, not that there is anything wrong with playing with your dd but she needs experience of social play of her own age this will help at school.

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