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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to say no to a sleepover because DD is too young

42 replies

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 12:57

Bit awkward.

I have a colleague who is also a friend. He has a DD who is 7, but is quite young for her age. She doesn't have very many friends that I can tell, possibly because we live in a very 'community' orientated place (TigerMumCentral) and her parents aren't all that sociable with the crowd.

Their DD gets on really well with my DD, which is fine, but my DD is 3. We see them a fair bit, and drive their DD home from school etc., so they play for an hour or so most days. Their DD does get annoyed if my DD wants to play with friends of her wn age, and I've been patient and understanding, but firm, when I explain that DD is only 3 and is allowed to play with other 3 year olds. We live in a place where there are lots of older girls, all willing to play with her.

Her parents were getting concerned that she was being too clingy with them, and asked if she could have a sleepover here to see how she got on. She did, she and DD were fine.

Now they want my DD to sleep over there.

I explained that, no, she's 3, not dry at night, and sleepovers are a long way off in my opinion. They don't seem to understand, I guess seeing that their DD loves her and would love another sleepover. They say they'll deal with the sleeplessness / pull-ups etc., but I just don't think she's ready, and frankly I see no need for it.

How to deal with this?

OP posts:

iseenodust · 25/02/2013 13:55

Agree with Saski. No thank you. End of.

Mumsyblouse · 25/02/2013 13:56

As MrsMelons says, do what you are comfortable with. In my case, I have said no to sleepovers til secondary school. I know no-one agrees with me on MN, but much as I love my children to go to other children's for tea and for playing, I think night-time it is better to be tucked up in your own bed. I know the 'risks' are incredibly minimal (in terms of something inappropriate) but my children are lovely and compliant and friendly and would not say if anything was wrong at someone else's house.

I know you are not asking about this aspect of things anyway, more is it fine for a three year old due to the age thing, but it's just to reiterate: your child, your rules on this one, even if everyone does something different.

Plus I think your dd is rather getting forced into a friendship that may not be of her choosing (especially as she gets nearer 4/5 and wants her own friends over). This may not be the case, I might have read it wrong.

Original poster

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 13:57

Agreed, feeling. I suppose I'm wary of DD growing up and missing out a bit on friends of her own age? This friend gets quite upset if she plays with others, and wants nothing to do with kids her own age. How do I suggest to the parents that they might want to think about remedying that?

OP posts:

lynniep · 25/02/2013 13:59

I have a 3 year old. Theres no way he's going anywhere else overnight. I'm not even letting my nearly 6 year old go for sleepovers yet, not until he's completely dry at night anyway.
I think that you just have to continue saying no since you are clearly uncomfortable with it (as I would be)

Original poster

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 14:00

Mumsy, not reading it wrong.

We were in a bigger group the other day. DD was playing with her 3 year old friend. 7yo cried and cried as she wouldn't play her game. I explained that they were playing a game, DD said 7yo could play, but she wanted her to not play with the other 3yo. There were lots of older girls there, all happy to play, but she wanted DD, and to herself. I wasn't really happy with that, I don't think it's fair on DD.

OP posts:

BeaWheesht · 25/02/2013 14:05

I have a 6 year old and tbh I think he's too young!

Whocansay · 25/02/2013 14:06

I find it strange that they think its OK for a 3 yr old to have sleepovers and I find it a bit creepy that they won't take no for an answer. I wouldn't let my 4 yr old sleepover with friends either, even though I know he'd probably be fine. I just don't feel comfortable with it. Your child, your rules.

NatashaBee · 25/02/2013 14:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KellyElly · 25/02/2013 14:18

I don't see how anyone can view 3 as a suitable age for a sleepover. I guess it totally depends on the child and the relationship you have with the family they 'sleep over' at. My DD has a friend who she has known from birth and her mum is a friend of mine from school. DD is also an only child and she actually asks to sleep over or have her friend sleep at ours as she probably feels it's a bit like having a sister. They are both good sleepers as well which helps. We are also both lone parents with no family near to where we live so its a good break for us as well (well not for the one who has the two three year olds )

Original poster

LoopDeLoops · 25/02/2013 14:24

That sounds like a great idea for you all Kelly, and not unreasonable at all.

OP posts:

MrsMelons · 25/02/2013 15:02

3 year olds are not babies for goodness sake but I think Kelly has explained it really well. I cannot see why it isn't ok for them to sleep at someone elses house if they and you are comfortable with it - we do very similar as KellyElly does and it works for us.

Floggingmolly · 25/02/2013 21:30

I personally think 7 is too young, never mind 3.

HeadfirstForHalos · 25/02/2013 21:35

I think 7 is about right. Both dd's were having sleepovers at 7. My goddaughters used to sleep at ours from a young age (2 +) but I am very close to their mum and she only lives a street away!

I would say no, as she is still quite young (if you need an excuse say she still wakes a lot in the night and is hard to settle without you or something), and offer for their dd to have one at yours as she is older? Your dd will still get the fun experience but with mum close by :)

Meglet · 25/02/2013 21:37

3 is too young. IMO anything under secondary school age is too young. Grandparents are different, but I wouldn't let my young dc's have a sleepover with school parents as I barely know them.

In my day sleepovers didn't happen until we were teenagers.

brettgirl2 · 25/02/2013 21:41

Surely what matters is whether the parents feel comfortable?

TimothyClaypoleLover · 25/02/2013 21:49

IMO 3 is too young. However appreciate that it wouldn't be too young in the situation that kelly explains.

OP, what would concern me is the 7 year old's behaviour. There is nothing wrong in her and your DD being friends but the fact that she cries and creates if your DD plays with others and wants her all to herself is worrying. Is she attention seeking or maybe are there other issues going on?

NayFindus · 25/02/2013 22:34

I'm really surprised they asked you Loopdeloops and that they don't realise this is inappropriate and is in itself a warning sign. Politely telling them dd needs friends her own age, as you have here, should be perfectly acceptable.

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