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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think DH should not have had to have been asked, and should have just offered a coat?

32 replies

landofsoapandglory · 25/02/2013 12:03

On Thursday evening DS2 fractured, dislocated and tore ligaments in his shoulder playing rugby. He travelled to hospital in an ambulance car in his rugby kit, with a blanket wrapped round him because it was freezing.

I got to the hospital minutes after the ambulance car, and was there when they took off his jersey, so he was in a pair if shorts, when the temperature outside was -3. Not a problem inside as it was warm.

DH arrived with DS1(18) about 20 minutes later when DS2 was having his shoulder put back into place. I said whilst we were waiting that DS2 was going to be freezing because I didn't have a blanket in my car, and he had nothing big enough to put on. DS1 said he could put his suit jacket round his shoulders, I said ok but he could still do with something else. DH was sat there in a shirt, jumper and jacket.

When we went to leave, I checked the boot of my car just incase I had something in there I could use, I didn't and then tried to cover up DS2 a bit with his school blazer, because he was shivering and his teeth were chattering. It never occurred to me to ask DH because I thought if he had something in his car, he'd offer it because that is what I would do.

Next day, we had to go to the fracture clinic and were going in my car, so DH said he'd just get his coat out of his car. I asked if he had had it in there the night before, it is a big ski type jacket, he said yes and a down filled coat and a sleeping bag! I shook my head and asked why had he not thought to offer something to DS2, and he said he hadn't been asked and besides he was warm as toast!Hmm. He had 3 layers on, DS2 was semi-naked!

Last night, he was being selfish about something else and I said he that he never thinks if anyone but himself, and Thursday was a good example of that. He said I am upset because I should have asked and as I didn't and DS2 was cold, it was my fault and I failed!

So AIBU, should I have had to have ask?

OP posts:
mmmuffins · 25/02/2013 12:18

YANBU, what weird behaviour.

twinklesparkles · 25/02/2013 12:21

Yanbu, I'd be seriously pissed off

MrBloomsCherry · 25/02/2013 12:23

Could he have forgotten about them?

Why didn't the ambulance/hospital have blankets?

Maybe dh thought ds would be ok for a min with just the jacket.

Men are bit strange op. the obvious is frequently oblivious to them

GlitterySkulls · 25/02/2013 12:23

your DH is a bit strange, i mean, who watches their injured son chittering away semi-naked & do nothing?

even without the coat & sleeping bag in his car, i would have expected him to remove his own jacket for his son.

Tee2072 · 25/02/2013 12:27

Selfish is the word.

YesIamYourSisterInLaw · 25/02/2013 12:28

Wow your DH is selfish and why did you fail? He's the shit father in this scenario

ceebie · 25/02/2013 12:28

Hmm. DH occasionally comes up with the line "because you didn't ask me to", or some other failure to actually make a parenting decision for himself. My retort is usually "So are you actually a parent as well, or am I the boss and you're just an employee?". Recently though, he has commented that an employee would have better rights...

DeafLeopard · 25/02/2013 12:29

What Glittery said

landofsoapandglory · 25/02/2013 12:29

It was for the journey home. Apparently it was my resposnibilty because he was going in my car, regardless of the fact that DH is his father, his car was just behind mine and he had the means to make him warm!

He knew they were there because he packed them when we had the snow and didn't take them out because there was still the threat of snow.

OP posts:
GlitterySkulls · 25/02/2013 12:29
  • does nothing, not do
MrBloomsCherry · 25/02/2013 12:31

For the journey home? Dh is bu

SkinnybitchWannabe · 25/02/2013 12:31

I would've gone crazy if my oh had done that.
I hope your ds gets better soon.

Pilgit · 25/02/2013 12:35

he's being a twat. selfish and thoughtless behaviour. DS1 sounds great though. making it your fault for not asking is just ridiculous

Cassarick · 25/02/2013 12:40

MrBlooms - the ambulance DID have blankets. This was for the journey home. Read and digest!

MrBloomsCherry · 25/02/2013 12:45

Casserick-who made you the 'response' police?

The only comment you thought was relevant to the thread was to moan about mine? Naff off

Tee2072 · 25/02/2013 12:52

Both of you naff off. I am the response police and I say stop derailing the thread with your immature internet argument.

I also would expect him to hand over his own coat, actually, if he was wearing a jumper as well.

MrBloomsCherry · 25/02/2013 12:54

Well said Tee.

Naffing off accordingly

lottiegarbanzo · 25/02/2013 12:57

Because you're the manager and he can't be expected to think at his lowly level?

I can understand it just slipping his mind that he had things in the car, it is possible to get stuck in a mindset of 'looking for DS's clothes / a blanket' and forgetting you have something useful, just not matching that description.

His explanation is crap though. He was warm enough! Blaming you!

No, 'sorry, I wasn't deliberately witholding them, it just slipped my mind they were there - I put them in there in case of a breakdown in the snow, I just didn't make the connection'.

Still crap though, as he should have been scouring his mind for 'warm stuff'. Not caring, so not thinking at all because that's your job is awful.

saintlyjimjams · 25/02/2013 12:58

he sounds gormless rather than selfish, but yes I'd be cross.

StuntGirl · 25/02/2013 13:03

I'd be pissed off too. It's very selfish and unthinking behaviour. 'Being a man' is not an excuse for that, whoever it was upthread who trotted that out Hmm

megandraper · 25/02/2013 13:07

Actively nasty behaviour IMO. If he knew he had a warm coat in the car and he knew his son was cold, not offering it is just nasty. TBH, I would have expected him to take off his jumper and give it to his son, let alone get a coat he wasn't even using from his car.

landofsoapandglory · 25/02/2013 13:08

Saintly I say he is "gormless" under my breath all the time!

My DC show more initiative than him, and he has is a manger at work, so he can do it when he chooses!

OP posts:
Snootymum · 25/02/2013 13:11

YANBU. He sounds like a twat.

My DH trots out the lame 'but you didn't tell me to' excuse too, or even worse 'Well I didn't know'.

Saltire · 25/02/2013 13:13

I often wonder if some men just don't think things through and put thoughts into practice in the way a woman does

KellyElly · 25/02/2013 13:25

I often wonder if some men just don't think things through and put thoughts into practice in the way a woman does Oh come on! Is that a serious comment? My ex may be a shit but if our DD was in a PE kit freezing he'd offer her the shirt off his back as would most dads.