To mention this to teacher

[whattodonow1]

My sons friend at school aged 6 is always misbehaving in class. I believe it's quite trivial things but enough for them to have had words with his mum and put him on a behaviour report. My son yesterday said his friend got a certificate for good behaviour. He seemed a bit put out that his friend got this as he is always naughty. As an adult it's obvious that his friends behaviour has improved slightly and as such encouraging his friends better behaviour with a certificate. He can't understand why he hasn't got one though as he is better behaved. Should I mention it to his teacher just so he gets a bit of praise from somewhere or just brush over it. He is quite a laid back wee boy and although I understand why the teacher has done this she really confused my son!.

have you explained it to your son?

schools generally have some type of ongoing reward for children that are often good -golden time, brownie points, smile awards etc

I find most children that age are very understanding if they understand the reason

it's injustice they can't tolerate

I know what you're saying, but I'm sure the teacher encourages and rewards your DS in other ways he's probably not thinking about.

It's not something I would make a point of mentioning to the teacher purely because I don't think it's that serious, but if it's really worrying you that your DS is being left out, his teacher could probably reassure you he's not.

What are they like as a teacher generally would you say?

I tried but he kept saying but he's naughty :-/

Really? . How do you know the boy is badly behaved all the time?!

And I'm not meaning this in a shitty way at all, but it might have confused your DS, but you can't be confused about why the lad got the certificate.

Just tell him why in a way he'll understand?

We have had exactly the same with our year 1 boy

We have explained to him that some children need incentives like this more than he does. I don't think there's any need to see the teacher - you know why she's done it, and at 6 he will be able to understand too.

It's not to say I don't get your frustration! Last year DS kept getting "overlooked" (it is policy they will all get a certificate at least once) and in the end he ended up asking the headteacher why everyone else got one but he didn't (I'd stress here that this was utterly unprompted). Funnily enough he got awarded one the next week!!

I don't think you can ask a teacher to justify her classroom decisions about Child A to your child.

It's upto you to manage your childs expectations.

I think it's worth mentioning it to the teacher. It will be good for you to explain why the friend has been rewarded for his good behaviour, but it would be better for the teacher to reinforce that. She may need to be reminded that things like this do confuse children and can make them feel demoralised if they are always good and get little recognition for it compared to more badly behaved classmates. It is a difficult one for teachers to negotiate, but they do need to remember to balance the conflicting needs of all the children in their class.

I did also lie and tell him his teacher had told me she was really pleased with his behaviour. He is a really well behaved boy so I might at some point give him a treat myself to reward him. His teacher is really nice and I'm sure she means well and I know he can't give everyone certificates or it would defeat the object. Just a shame that my boy is getting mixed messages by it.

As his mum told me the teacher told her he kept being naughty fakebook.

I'm not sure about the they 'cant give everyone certificates' bit, DD1 got no end of for this, that and t'other, going through primary school.

I was always surprised by how many categories they thought worthy of lamination

Tis a hard one. As a teacher if I am giving star week, headteacher's award etc i always explain that it is for effort and good attitude etc, dependent on child, am open if child has made good effort for them in behaviour or learning etc. Don't know if I am explaining this right but I make it relative to that child and their choices. You could ask teacher to praise DS and his choices and explain he feels he is naughty I guess.

In actual fact my daughter got a certificate for good writing. Usually she's not the best at writing so I can see a theme developing at the school, they get a certificate or the things they're not good at but getting slightly better at. Ha ha

This sort of thing really annoys me.

I can't see the point in giving certificates for giving things children are not very good at, even if they are getting better.

It makes so much more sense to reward children for the things they do well. Like making afford with something they find difficult, or something that they find easy but are wry good at. Children aren't stupid, they know if they aren't as good at writing as the majority, so unless they are rewarded for trying hard with writing instead of just being good at writing, the rewards become meaningless to them. It's so important for a child's self esteem for them to have specific and meaningful praise when it is deserved, and it's just as important that they don't receive praise that is pointless.

OP I think it is an important lesson for our kids to learn that some kids find some things harder than others. And that effort and trying hard to improve is important.

So my kids know that a kid who has worked really hard at reading might get a certificate for that improvement/effort, even if they still are not a good reader. Same goes for behaviour.

I agree that sometimes the ones who are quietly good don't seem to get recognised though. I use parents evening and reports (which we get quite often) to stress how pleased teacher is, how well they are doing, and how pleased we are with the effort and attitude comments

The only thing I reward is effort. So DS knows he gets things for trying his best and that makes it easy to contextualise other rewards that other children may get.

I can't see the point in giving certificates for giving things children are not very good at, even if they are getting better.

You can, provided it's done under the 'most progress' guise.

Once certificate for 'best handwriting', another for 'best progress' - that way the natural talent is acknowledged, and so is the one with the most effort.

Maybe he had a really good day/week which is clearly not easy for him. I give out rewards for e.g. Writing, if a child has worked particularly hard or done a piece of work worthy of huge praise/achieved targets etc. Obviously this is entirely relative to the child's usual attainment. It is an issue if your boy has been overlooked despite always behaving; I feel sorry for the "forgotten middle". Maybe have a quiet word with her and just say DS is wondering why he never gets a reward, despite always behaving.

My child always got left out. The school admitted it was poor record keeping and acknowledged the impact it had been having on good,quiet, hard working children. They were so focused on the kids with problems they inadvertently encouraged self esteem problems in my child and others.
It happens.

We had a blue slip for negative behaviour and yellow slips for positive behaviour system at my secondary school. We found that the naughty pupils got the most of both colour - if they were sitting nicely then you'd reward their behaviour, however lovely johnny who worked hard all the time would be overlooked as giving him a yellow slip for sittin nicely would be insulting really! Maybe it's a system like that ? I know it's not fair, but maybe his behaviour is improving and he' being praised in the hope that it continues?

I don't think you should say anything as you run the risk of sounding bitter and petty.

It seems that quite a few posters on here would begrudge a certificate for a little boy who has really been trying to correct his problems.

I say this as the parent of one of the 'forgotten' middle children who never gets a certificate despite being good,and reasonably hardworking.

I think a 6 year old is perfectly able to understand why this boy is rewarded if it is explained to him.

I've just had similar situation with Ds and he's only 3.5. He didn't understand why the 'naughty' boys at nursery got stickers/stamps for 'not hitting' and doing 'good sharing' when he didn't, bless him.
I've volunteered there a few times so am well aware of what he's talking about - big praised heaped on said child if they didn't hit someone they were going to or gave back the toy they snatched but nothing said to those who do it as normal behaviour. It's a brilliant nursery and the staff are lovely and I can see why they do it, it does make a difference to naughty behaviour but it does annoy me a bit. We seem to have a culture of always oiling the squeaky wheel and I can see how i might in the future actuallt de-motivate the well behaved ones.
I wouldn't mention it to teacher though, I'd sort it out yourself with an at home reward system so he still gets given a good message, unfortunately this attitude continues all the way to the workplace so best he gets used t it now.

Rhiannon, but look on the bright side, that's how society works when they grow up too so it's just getting them used to it at an early age.