To mention this to teacher

[whattodonow1]

My sons friend at school aged 6 is always misbehaving in class. I believe it's quite trivial things but enough for them to have had words with his mum and put him on a behaviour report. My son yesterday said his friend got a certificate for good behaviour. He seemed a bit put out that his friend got this as he is always naughty. As an adult it's obvious that his friends behaviour has improved slightly and as such encouraging his friends better behaviour with a certificate. He can't understand why he hasn't got one though as he is better behaved. Should I mention it to his teacher just so he gets a bit of praise from somewhere or just brush over it. He is quite a laid back wee boy and although I understand why the teacher has done this she really confused my son!.

up to you whether you mention it but get used to it! my nephew has always been good and i mean really good you know? i doubt he has ever been late handing in homework (even if he's been ill) or has ever given a piece of homework less than 200%. he started noticing this injustice around the same age as yours. now he gets a lot of praise and positive feedback as he is being predicted a*s in all his subjects etc but through primary school and early secondary he just felt ignored.

My DD's teacher admitted to me that well behaved quiet children like her do get overlooked. It drives me mad! My DD felt that she wasn't doing well at school because her efforts were never recognised by them even though she was doing brilliantly.

I know it doesn't help straight away but in a little while the penny will drop with your DS and he'll see it for what it is... "ah, there goes good ol X with his alleged behaviour certificate" (nudge nudge wink wink). He'll see it has little value, except to X who is probably being promised some reward from his parents.

I think there are ways to ensure all get praise etc- I have. Visual behaviour chart and ensure all get moved up fairly etc, done deliberately to praise those hi always do the right thing. Most recent star of week was a 'forgotten child' for making right choices etc 99.9% of the time. Think my attitude comes from watching my DB as a child praised more for things I always did. As an adult it was to help him, as a child it felt really unfair.

Ahh, sorry about awful punctuation on first line, ipad somehow changed a into full stop I teach punctuation ffs!

I look at it this way. You differentiate work therefore you differentiate behaviour - some need more encouragement than others My ds is always moaning that x table get easy work & adult help & doesn't seem to understand that to them it isn't easy. Behaviour is the same. Some find it easier to behave & conform than others. No merit system is flawless and the quiet well behaved ones DO get their recognition & often get picked for things where good behaviour is a must,

As other posters have said you need to explain it to your ds and not just leave it when he says 'but he's naughty' because then it appears to him that you agree with him.

Liken it to a baby learning to walk or something. The parents give lots of praise for walking a few steps but by the time the child is walking well they don't feel the need to mention it but are probably getting praise in different, more subtle ways.

Also explain that as we get better at things and more grown up we don't need as much praise because we learn to know we have done well and feel good about ourselves and that's how adults are.

Basically it's all about the concept of community and that more resources go where there is more need.

There's probably some kids books that visit this concept at the library.

No. You should talk with your son about how teachers have to meet the needs of every child and how his friend needs the teacher to help him improve his behaviour whereas your son doesn't need that help.

You may find that your DS does best with a very adult explanation of praising the behaviour you want to encourage and ignoring the bad.

DCs understand a great deal more than we give them credit for.

No merit system is perfect and, teachers don't keep as good a tally sheet as their pupils. Quiet middle if the road DCs do get missed (untill their mothers moan), bright DCs do get praised for things that are no effort.

Used to drive me spare that DD2 got yet another certificate for English, instead of the teacher giving her maths a nudge or giving someone else a turn.

(My PIL were English teachers, DD2 has inherited a disproportionate share of their genes. Her English work is always good and sometimes I think it was just a safe, defendable thing for the teacher to praise).