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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to think MIL's comment was rude?

26 replies

CharlSkipper · 21/02/2013 22:53

Uploaded a photo of me and DH onto Facebook and she commented -

"And I thought it would never last!!!! Guess I was wrong"

At least she admitted she was wrong, but surely keep this kind of thought to yourself?

OP posts:

Wishfulmakeupping · 21/02/2013 22:54

Ouch she sounds a treat

Pourquoimoi · 21/02/2013 22:54

YANBU - even if you thought it you wouldn't say it out loud let alone so publicly.

MrsCosmopilite · 21/02/2013 22:58

I'd be so tempted to post a comment, "I thought you were polite. Guess I was wrong"

greenplastictrees · 21/02/2013 22:58

That is rude. YANBU!

My future MIL told me at Christmas that I should probably cut down on what I eat after ChristmAs before our wedding! I was shocked and didn't know what to say. DP looked mortified! I think I've done something to upset her because it was really out of character.

HollyBerryBush · 21/02/2013 23:00

Was it tongue in cheek?

Written medium rarely conveys correct inference due to lack of facial expressions, eye contact etc

rodandtheemu · 21/02/2013 23:01

Thats nasty.... why do these women feel they can treat the DIL like this?

Wishfulmakeupping · 21/02/2013 23:01

Yes please do what mrscosmo said :)

TidyDancer · 21/02/2013 23:09

Was it definitely meant with venom? My MIL has said something similar in the past in the vein of "I can't believe you put up with my son!". She and I both know it's a joke and is meant in a lighthearted make fun of DP way.

If its not like that though, YANBU.

plantsitter · 21/02/2013 23:16

It depends on all sorts. she might've been being nice. If you met at 14, for example, that would be a fairly normal thing to say. For you to be so offended, there has to be a backstory/

YellowDinosaur · 21/02/2013 23:17

YY what Mrscosmo says :o Please please please!

BattlingFanjos · 21/02/2013 23:18

My Gran is just like this. There is just no filter at all, not even slightly. She thinks she's being funny/helpful/supportive. She comes across as spiteful/bit of a twat YANBU I would personally say something back, to let her know she's out of order. Just some little quip back, its usually all that is needed

FaceLikeAPickledOnion · 21/02/2013 23:23

I actually think this is quite a nice thing to say.
Admitting you are/were wrong, publicly too, takes a lot of bottle. I'm sure she meant it in a nice way and not to cause offence.

MumtoNJCandM · 21/02/2013 23:29

It's not only MILs who can be like this. My FIL once commented that '...and to say it was said you would never last', referring to my husbands and my marriage. Considering we were already talking about family matters it wasn't hard to work out who had said it, so I don't know why he was trying to cover their identity! I knew fine well that most of his family thought I'd married 'above my station', but to actually voice it out loud was completely wrong. And it was clear that we had been discussed among family members! People can be downright rude, thoughtless and totally wrong, and not even realise it.
We've been married 16 and a half years and have 4 children so they can 'stick that in their pipe and smoke it' and are the 'most successful' of our generation in the family with relationships! Most of the others are divorced or have had 'complicated' relationships etc.
And as an added bonus I (unintentionally) trained and got myself to the position where I could have had a higher paid job than my husband. We chose not to do that as I wanted to be a SAHM, just bought a cheaper house and go without expensive holidays to make it work. My FIL became aware of my skills/intelligence and I get a lot more respect from him now, wish he could have respected me beforehand though.
I now choose to ignore some comments from a lot of people - life is too short and my family too precious to let others spoil it. (It has taken a lot of practice to not let some things hurt though).
Not nice of the comment to be posted on Facebook though - have you used the delete option on it, I definitely would!

aquashiv · 22/02/2013 00:02

I always thought you were a bit of a wagon and guess what, I was right....

I would write this and then delete, as I am a coward far too polite.

PedlarsSpanner · 22/02/2013 00:40

wagon? is this some kind of cockerney rhyming slang? wagon train/drain, or maybe wagon wheel/seal?

OP that is really horrid, I would be upset too

KobayashiMaru · 22/02/2013 03:53

Wagon is an irish insult for a woman. Same as a Weapon. It's a slightly nicer way of saying shes a bitch.

anonymosity · 22/02/2013 03:56

Oh that's nothing. Don't bother taking offense yet. Wait until you get something really REALLY insulting from her. You're just stoking the fire if you react to minor things like this.

ripsishere · 22/02/2013 03:57

My MiL told me it won't last on my wedding day.

MyCannyBairn · 22/02/2013 04:07

My MIL has filter failure, lovely tho she is, I'd just ignore it.

MoleyMick · 22/02/2013 07:10

I put something on my FB about my wedding anniversary the other day and a friend/ex colleague of both of ours put "and they said it would never last lol". I thought nothing of it other than that she was joking
I am surprised so many people would be offended tbh.

HollyBerryBush · 22/02/2013 07:13

Revisiting the tread this morning, I'm reading MILs comment as affectionate.

It's one of those throw away remarks people make about marriage because some people dont put effort into sustaining a relationship, so when a relationship goes long haul, it's just a quip. More of a reflection on how you've bucked the trend really.

SPBInDisguise · 22/02/2013 07:14

I think it's different when it's your MIL - for a parent to say this to the partner of their child indicates that they disapproved all those years ago.

Fairypants · 22/02/2013 07:18

We assume people didn't think it would last cos we were married young with divorced families etc. feeling v smug after 15 years!
I would take it as more of a reflection that she thinks you have passed any danger point and it is now 'permanent' iyswim. That kind of depends on the back story though.

HDee · 22/02/2013 07:48

I agree with MoleyMick. I just wouldn't take offence at that comment and think it was light hearted.

But I honestly believe that 99% of people never intend to say hurtful, nasty things. Sometimes things just don't come out as intended. I'm a nice person and think most other people are too.

Inertia · 22/02/2013 08:16

You could reply "despite your best efforts MIL!" and add lots of passive-aggressive LOLs, smilies and exclamation marks.

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