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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to need sleep too!!

39 replies

midastouch · 21/02/2013 22:01

Im a SAHM with 2 DC, my 10 month old DD still doesnt go through the night she wakes up at least 3 times crying for no apparant reason and I have to sit with her anywhere from 2 mins to an hour to get her back to sleep. Im shattered, i do this every single night. DP leaves for work at 7am and gets back 4.45pm ish. I do all the housework, the shopping, everything for the DC and DP for that matter
I can understand during the week when he has to get up and drive all day but surely at the weekend i deserve some sleep?

OP posts:
TheSkiingGardener · 21/02/2013 22:02

Of course you do. Why the hell are you letting him get away with that crap.

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 21/02/2013 22:03

Yes you do, he should do a weekend night for you. You deserve time off too you know.

Eskino · 21/02/2013 22:04

Your DP has great hours! He gets home in time to cook dinner and feed the kids while you have an hours nap. What's he do when he gets in at this wonderful mid afternoon time?

Xmasbaby11 · 21/02/2013 22:05

We used to split the night - I would do first half and DH would do the second half. You need to ask more of your partner.

Original poster
midastouch · 21/02/2013 22:05

because i am clearly a mug, and he some how sleeps through it and is impossible to wake when DD is crying so i figured its easier if i just get up and do it!

OP posts:
Fairylea · 21/02/2013 22:06

Wow. My dh works 8-10 most days at the moment. If he got in at 4.45 he'd considerIt a half day!

You definitely deserve some sleep. And your dh needs to do more.

Fleecyslippers · 21/02/2013 22:07

You need sleep and not just at weekends.

TheSkiingGardener · 21/02/2013 22:08

He works out of the home from 7 to 4:45. You work in the home in this time. From 4:45pm to 7am you split everything equally.

What is he doing while you work yourself into the ground? If its not saving the world or inventing a cure for cancer then he should be ashamed of himself for treating a person he loves this way.

Original poster
midastouch · 21/02/2013 22:09

we get our DS 3 days a week as soon as he gets in, then i cook dinner, he does make his own gravy though Hmm he has cup of coffee watches old matches of football or darts. And he manages to run DC bath for me then its tv the rest of the night, he really is a lazy f**r now i think about it

OP posts:
coraltoes · 21/02/2013 22:13

He runs dc bath for WHO?! Not you....For his kids ffs.

What a lazy fuckwit. Tomorrow night, make him take over the night. In the morning, do not entertains single complaint of tiredness. Instead leave the house til 4.45 and when you return set about gravy making, tv watching and ball scratching, see how long he enjoys it for.

HollyBerryBush · 21/02/2013 22:15

You need to stagger your sleep times. Hardly a conduit for romance but Im guessing that is the last thing on your mind.

I used to do a feed at 8pm and go to bed - I naturally wake up early so I would do the 4am feed. DH is a night owl, he would do the midnight feed, be up at 6 for work. Both of us got our adequate hours of sleep - I do like a full 8 hours, he functions on a lot less has a power nap on the sofa

I really never get this whole day taken up with house work thing either. I'm no slattern, but if I spent longeer than 2 hours, intermittently on hoovering and shoving a load of washing in, and peeling a few spuds, then there would be something seriously wrong with my time management.

Doubletroublemummy2 · 21/02/2013 22:15

I think you're being to easy on both of them!! I'm a SAHM too and i insist on a lie in one day of the weekend, the OH get's the other one. as for LO sleeping, there are many techniques, pick one, brace yourself for a battle that will last at the most 2 weeks, then stick to your guns and insist she sleeps, on her own, in her bed. then make sure OH doesn't get the idea that you now don't deserve a lie in, (I had to rectify that thinking myselfSmile. Yes I know it all seems impossible, but i promise it is purely a case of being the most stubborn,.. good luck

Pobblewhohasnotoes · 21/02/2013 22:17

Since when does bring a sahm mean you're the only parent? He's their Dad and should be pulling his weight. He doesn't work 24/7 so neither should you.

Doubletroublemummy2 · 21/02/2013 22:23

Sorry HollyBerry but by 10 month DC should be sleeping 7 - 7 no need to stagger and i often spend all day doing housework and look around at the end of the day and it looks worse than it did in the mrning!!!! i don't bother anymore, unless my mother is comeing to visit, which is thanklfully once a month, then I send the hubby and kids to the park and blitz the place!!!!!!!

Original poster
midastouch · 21/02/2013 22:24

I am definetly too easy on DP for a quiet life! Im at a loss for DD i had DS sleeping 12 hours a night from 3.5 months old! dont know what ive done this time, she is incredibly stuborn, i tried controlled crying she made herself sick, plus she and DS are in same room i dont think its fair for his sleep to be distrubed.

OP posts:
HollyBerryBush · 21/02/2013 22:29

Mine all slept through from 6 weeks but I do realise other people have non conformist babies Grin DS3 used to go from 4pm right round till 8am (((bless him)))

Unless you are living in Edwardian times where you are blacking the grate and raking the ashes I simply do not understand this whole perception of all day doing house work. No one makes that much mess, it's surely impossible? Unless you are having a baking day and there is a flour explosion in the kitchen??

ATruthUniversallyAcknowledged · 21/02/2013 22:30

Flipping hell. He really IS lazy. Even if he struggles with nights (poor love), he could take over at 5pm & you could get seven hours sleep before he even goes to bed.

TheSkiingGardener · 21/02/2013 22:57

Ignore all this crap about how your DC should be sleeping. It's not relevant to the issue of your DP's laziness and its a load of bollocks anyway. Fact is he is getting an easy ride, working less than half the hours you do.

Original poster
midastouch · 21/02/2013 23:19

hollyberry im not sure where you've got the all day house work from, i never said that?! Confused i do quite a lot of housework as im a bit ocd.

And apparantly working all day is hard work when i get to stay home alll day, dont think he liked being told some home truths Angry

OP posts:
Snazzynewyear · 21/02/2013 23:48

Definitely one lie in every weekend. If he gets home at 4.45 he can do dinner at least every other night - even if it's oven chips or pizza. Leave him with the kids and go to bed early those nights.

thezebrawearspurple · 22/02/2013 00:08

Would you bring your dd to bed with you? At the moment ours is back in the bed because for some reason she wakes constantly through the night and often refuses to back to sleep. In bed if she stirs, a pat on the back or repositioning her keeps her asleep and it means I don't have to move.

Your dh should be helping more as well.

Original poster
midastouch · 22/02/2013 00:17

I dont really trust DP not to roll on her! Im sure she'll get there in the end, its more DP thats the problem being so lazy and nothing i say seems to snap him out of it. I'll nag him we'll argue and he'll mop the floor or something and that'll be it till next time. How do you train a man!!!

OP posts:
thezebrawearspurple · 22/02/2013 00:26

Move him to the couch?Grin

MrsMushroom · 22/02/2013 00:28

Has anyone suggested co sleeping? Get her in with you...it's SO much easier. I did it. If DH doesn't like it he can bugger off and sleep somewhere else.

Doubletroublemummy2 · 22/02/2013 00:35

Go away for a weekend? he is being a really lazy bugger. Man training is something someone could make a fortune on if only it could be figured out!! i tend to treat mine as one of the kids. I give intructions as and when as i cannot say " you have this job to do every day/week" because it won't stick. I have also once threatened to put him in time out for trying to pick a fight over dinner he also needs regular reminders that critisizing a meal cooked for him is really bad manners and a thank you will do.