to think that I'm allowed a hobby and I'm not 'just a mum'

[surfbetty]

I've name changed for this in case I out myself.

My DM has a history of having quite strong views on things (and banging on about them repeatedly) and something she keeps saying to me is beginning to annoy me and I need the mumsnet wisdom to tell me if she is right and i'm being unreasonable.
I have a DS who is 2. I work 3 days a week. He is in nursery for 1 of them and then with family for the other 2. When I'm not working he is with me constantly, and also DH when he is off...apart from...
My hobby is water sports - I don't go often, maybe once or twice a month. I always go at weekends when my DH can look after our DS. Incidentally, my DH encourages me to go and bought me new equipment for my recent birthday. Quite often he will bring our DS along to watch .
My DM thinks I am unreasonable and, in her words, "you're a mother now". She says it with this irritating smile on her face. She was a SAHM and thinks i should be too (tell that to the bank manager!) She thinks that I should concentrate on 'being a mother', and that alone. She keeps repeating it everytime I mention my hobbies and it is making me so mad. It is starting to encrouch on to other topics as well (night away with DH - "remember you're a mother now")
She makes me feel like a crap mum for wanting a few hours to be myself. I don't go out clubbing or to pubs, I don't smoke, barely drink except a glass of wine at home, all spare money goes on our DS and my friends all have children the same age so when I see them, he comes too! It's not a wild social life!
I think that a good balance is key and that a happy mummy is a better mummy. I am near the point of loosing it with her and I need to know if I ABU or if she is with her outdated views.

YANBU

Of course you are entitled to hobbies and a life away from your dc.

Of course YANBU! Once or twice a month to do something for yourself is not that much. I play a team sport every saturday during the season and then my DH plays his in the opposite season iyswim. It's such a great way of relieving stress, I'd probably have murdered the kids someone by now if it wasn't for sport!

She's a muppet. I'm a single mother whose hobby is a martial art. It's a good thing to have a hobby, especially a sporty one.

Definitely NBU! :)

YANBU everyone needs time to themselves, next time she says 'your a mother now' my response would be 'really? When did that happen? Did you not think to tell me sooner?' But then I'm a sarcy cow when I want to be lol

YANBU. Does she do a smiley head tilt when she says it?
My MIL told me on my wedding day that I didn't need a career as I was 'a wife and mother now'.
Knob.

YANBU, my mum is like that too, and thinks that once you have children you can't pursue anything you like. Just ignore her

YANBU! And you are setting a great example by exercising regularly as well.

Thanks everyone - she knows i live by take advice from mumsnet regularly so I will tell her that I am not an irresponsible mother because you all told me so .

"Yes DM you are right. I am also a better mother for the fact that I have a break now and then to relax fully safe in the knowledge that my son is being very well looked after by his loving father." Big smile and move on.

perplexedpirate Yep, the full head tilt, caring smile - instantly makes my blood boil!

I suspect it's a bit of jealousy on her part too. My grandmother refused to help my mum with child care when we were small as in her words "I had to do it all myself so why shouldn't you"

I think in some twisted logic they think you should only have the same opportunities they had.

TeWi Some would say exercising, some would say thrashing around in the sea putting the life guards on edge

YANBU. You're a mother, yes. A robot, no. Everyone is allowed to have outside interests.

What does she do now that her kids are grown up? Sit around and remember the good old days?

Of course YANBU. My mother is like this too. Says of working mothers 'I don't know why they have children', and 'I think it's wrong to put children in nursery'. Do what's right for you. I'm sure your DH would much rather have a DW with hobbies and interests than one who sat at home and was resentful. We all need to be more than 'just mums'.

Your DM is confused, the word is mother, not martyr

Cats I think that's true. Due to circumstances she didn't have any family who could watch us for a few hours so i think that is where her idea of a mother's role comes from.

Yanbu. She sounds jealous.

Does she think your DH is allowed to work? Have outside interests?

Maybe you should ask her "do you expect my entire identity and life to be subsumed into motherhood?" and see how she answers.
This actually makes me quite cross. Does she not want the best for you, her daughter?

I'd suggest to her that she needs a hobby instead of nagging you

Of course YANBU

Everyone is entitled to their own hobbies.

In fact, I tihnk parents who have their own interests outside of their children are actually better parents than those who don't do anything other than be a mum once they have kids.

If you don't have your own hobbies your children can become your hobbies, and that is a dangerous thing.

Aaaargh! That sounds so annoying!

YANBU

This sort of thing only gets worse. On a visit to an older relative recently, DH and I were told by her that we should consider taking up a musical instrument because we will need something interesting to do as we won't be able to ride horses, ski and climb mountains for much longer - we are 50 this year .

I don't see the problem with that carabos? Just buy some slippers and start getting into daytime tv.