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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

about MY car?

36 replies

TaggieCampbellBlack · 20/02/2013 18:31

We have 2 cars. Both a bit old (12 and 13 yrs).
DHs is the 'family' bigger one. It is like a sodding tank.
Mine is small and crap and a bit falling apart. It is my first car. In my name. Driven mostly by me. Full of my crap and stuff.

DH has a new job. He will be needing to drive 25 miles to and from.

I drive 9 miles to and from my job.

DHs car drinks petrol. Loads of it.

Mine is desil and very economical.

DH has just announced that when new job starts we'll need to swap cars. He'll be driving further and more days. Financially it makes some sense.

But.

My Car!

It is Mine.

My little crap car.

I don't want him taking it over and I don't want to drive the big tank car.

And my travel costs will go through the bloody roof.

I don't want to swap.

AIU to refuse? Is he U to expect to swap?

OP posts:
StuntGirl · 20/02/2013 18:34

It's the 'annoucement' of What Is Going To Happen that would piss me off.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 20/02/2013 18:34

I think it is reasonable to expect a discussion, not a pronouncement. But I think you are being a bit U to not see the sense in the arrangement.

Is there any money in the budget to switch the tank for something that will do the same job but fits you better?

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 20/02/2013 18:35

Oh and yes, I would be totally U if DH ::told:: me that.

AnnoyingOrange · 20/02/2013 18:35

Why not sell it and get something more economical ?

maybunny · 20/02/2013 18:35

If your finances are separate it sounds a bit unfair that you should increase your expenses and 'subisdise' his costs to get to work!
I also understand how it is your car and you don't want to give it away in effect, so YANBU in my opinion.
I know how you feel - my mx5 has been driven by dh since dc1 was born and I've got his boring car - we now have dc2 so the mx5 is definitely no use to me now!

NaturalBaby · 20/02/2013 18:36

Well if it's his car then he should continue to finance it so that your costs don't go through the roof.
It makes financial sense but I totally get the 'my car' thing. Are there any other options for him to get to work? e.g lift share, buy a new car, public transport?

drmummmsy · 20/02/2013 18:38

ooooh nobody gets to drive my car - i'm very precious about it, even though it's a shit car

however i'm not married and don't live with my dp, and it's not a shared asset soooo...if it brings down the household costs then that's good - wouldn't like to be 'told' though, and I would make that known to 'd'h Grin

13Iggis · 20/02/2013 18:39

Up to him to get a more economical car then.

quoteunquote · 20/02/2013 18:39

just agree and pick your new car, that suits you

I would never suggest you sprinkle body glitter all over the sun visor, and ceiling, so it becomes unattractive to borrow, as one tends to find it hard to get off, it the gift that keeps on giving.

Original poster
TaggieCampbellBlack · 20/02/2013 18:40

No cash for getting him an alternative.

And my suggestion to give him mine snd then I get a lovely new one didn't go down well.

No public transport. We both work silly shifts.

OP posts:
signet · 20/02/2013 18:40

I'd do whatever makes most financial sense. I had a great car that I loved and dh bought himself a new car 2 months ago. My car is huge and I drive 600 or so miles a week in it. His new car is small and when I drive it it saves us £30-£40 a week in fuel. So we swapped cars because it is what is best for our finances. Admittedly I miss my big car but £30 a week difference in fuel makes up for it.

Bluelightsandsirens · 20/02/2013 18:40

Get it painted bright yellow with pink hearts and lashes?

CockyFox · 20/02/2013 18:43

This wouldn't be a big deal for us, DH drives all the time when we are all together ( apart from the big holiday drive that is 3 hrs so we swap half way) and we swap cars depending on who is hoing somewhere with a tighter carpark and needs his smaller car. The big car is mine and I drive it 4/5 week days. I think I am like this as it is how my mum and dad do it. I'm not precious about my car, it's nicer to drive but its just a car.

Goober · 20/02/2013 18:43

Say NO.
Simples.

Cantbelieveitsnotbutter · 20/02/2013 18:45

An ex told me he would be using my car for the commute when we lived together ... He became an ex shortly after!
Now I'm not saying leave him over it, obviously that's silly. But I feel your pain. Tell him you don't want to drive his car, you wouldnt be happy in a tank, suggest he swaps tank for diesel tank.
also suggest discussing things in future instead of informing

Original poster
TaggieCampbellBlack · 20/02/2013 18:50

He's surprised that i am miffed.

Idiot.

Yes. It makes family financial sense. I can see that.

BUT IT'S MINE.

OP posts:
DinglebertWangledack · 20/02/2013 18:52

Tell him to fuck off and sort out his own car, it's not his decision what happens with YOUR car. He's very rude by the sound of it!

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 20/02/2013 19:02

If he is surprised then show him this thread.

DH, if you decide things and then tell your wife it is not a partnership, no matter how much logical sense it makes. Your wife is feeling like she has no say.

You can fix this, get her a glass of wine and then apologise for being a presumptuous ass and ask her what she thinks. Perhaps offer some compromise like agreeing to put money aside every month to save up for a car that she would like. If you do all this you will get the car you want because she sees the logic in it, she just wants to be treated as an equal.

VitoCorleone · 20/02/2013 19:03

My DP was wanting to sell his car and just have one car between us (mine) i said no! Its my first ever car, ive only had my liscense for a month and its still very much a novelty to me to have my own car, my own independance.

He understood and is just trying to trade his in for something smaller.

Just tell him how you feel about it.

Dawndonna · 20/02/2013 19:06

A diesel is not really very economical doing nine miles a day.
However, I'm the only driver in this house and I'm very, very precious about MY car.
If it makes financial sense go with it, but ensure that he goes the right way about it. If my dh informed me of a decision he'd made there would be big trouble.

Original poster
TaggieCampbellBlack · 20/02/2013 19:08

9 miles each way.

If I have to drive the tank i forsee me getting my new car before the summer is out.

OP posts:
Oodsigma · 20/02/2013 19:12

We have whoever is going the furthest using my car and the one at home or shorter distance has the big car to save petrol costs ( also more practical as we don't all fit in my car).

But I wouldn't like being 'told' that that was happening.

HairyHandedTrucker · 20/02/2013 19:14

why should you pay more? and how far he announce you will be swapping?!

HairyHandedTrucker · 20/02/2013 19:15

*dare

Original poster
TaggieCampbellBlack · 20/02/2013 19:16

He didn't so much 'tell' me. Just assumed I had already thought the same. I hadn't (because it is MINE).

It makes practical sense.

I may need to crash the tank. Or set it on fire. Or lose it.

OP posts:
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